DEAR ABBY: I have known this guy "Noah" for six years. We're mostly just friends with benefits, but I've always had deeper feelings for him. I always wanted to see where things could go between us, so I mentioned it to him. He told me that if he didn't already have a girlfriend, he would have dated me. So when they broke up, I waited patiently.

I continued being a good friend to Noah, giving him advice and putting my own feelings off to the side. Then just when I felt us getting to another level in our relationship, he told me he had another girlfriend and we needed to stop. I would never sleep with a guy who is with someone else. I'm not that type of girl.

What should I do? I'm confused and hurt at the same time. Should I bring up my feelings again? Just let him go? Or should I keep him in my life, but in a friend-only way? -- JUMBLED EMOTIONS

DEAR JUMBLED: I don't blame you for feeling confused. When someone's words and actions don't match, something is wrong. If Noah had been honest, you would have had your chance with him.

I vote for letting him go because you want more than he's apparently able to give. If you do, it may hurt for a while, but it will make it easier for you to find someone who can love you back.

DEAR ABBY: We recently lost one of our cherished pets, our oldest cat, Mandy. We never had children, so our pets are our children.

I get that people who have never had pets don't understand the joy and unconditional love they can bring. But I don't understand why people we thought were close to us haven't acknowledged our loss in any way. Some of them have -- or had -- pets at one time. A few did send cards or emails, and they were so appreciated. Their kindness will never be forgotten.

Mandy wasn't sickly. She just stopped eating one day. When we took her to the vet a few days after trying everything we could think of, the diagnosis was kidney cancer. A couple of days later we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put her to sleep.

My question is, am I expecting too much of people? After all, you wouldn't ignore the death of a human child. I'm not only disappointed but resentful that these so-called friends and family don't seem to care.

I suppose to some Mandy was "just a cat." But to us, she was our beloved furry child and we are devastated. Please inform people that a kind word or short note would mean the world to people like us who are suffering real grief. -- DEEPLY GRIEVING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DEEPLY GRIEVING: Please let me offer my condolences for the loss of Mandy. I know from personal experience what you are going through, and it is very painful. That's why I'm reminding readers that when they hear of someone losing a beloved pet, the kindest thing one can do is to offer sympathy with a phone call, an email or a card. Believe me, the effort will be appreciated and never forgotten.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not proud to write this, but I don't like my son-in-law. I think the feeling is mutual. He's arrogant and thinks he knows everything.

My daughter and I had a close bond before she married him. That quickly changed. She barely comes to my house anymore, and I don't see my grandkids as often as I'd like. I don't have a car (I'm working on that), and I rely on them for transportation. I don't like going to their house because I don't feel wanted.

I tolerate my son-in-law because I know my daughter loves him and I try hard to stay out of their business. What advice can you offer me? -- WISHING THINGS WERE BETTER

DEAR WISHING: Has it occurred to you that your daughter may be hurt or uncomfortable because she knows you dislike her husband? If he makes your daughter happy and is a good father to your grandchildren, give him points for that, and be glad you aren't the one who has to live with him.

You don't have to love him, but you must maintain a cordial relationship if only for your daughter's sake. Keep working on getting that car so you'll have your own transportation when you need it, and your visit won't be perceived as an imposition.

DEAR ABBY: My son is angry to the point of rage that my daughter is dating his best friend, "Ron." He says his sister "betrayed him" because when she and Ron broke up, she promised never to date another of his friends again, but went back to dating Ron. He also blames my husband and me for encouraging them. They are only 18 months apart in age.

We have shared that we understand his feelings of loss regarding his friend, but we don't think there's anything wrong with her dating Ron. I don't think anything will make him feel better except them breaking up again, and that doesn't look like it will happen.

My son is 22 and my daughter is 20. This is ruining the once close-knit family we had. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- MESS ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR MESS: Your son may be 22, but he needs to grow up. If he values his friendship with Ron, he will have to accept that he cannot control the love lives of others, and the person he is punishing with the stance he has taken is himself. It's time for you to step back. You and your spouse will be better off if you stop allowing your adult son's tantrum(s) to affect you.

DEAR ABBY: While dining in a fancy restaurant recently, I noticed a woman sitting a few tables away who had a number of tattoos on her arms and elsewhere. When she came by, I politely asked her what one of them meant. My wife was furious! Did I do something wrong? -- INQUIRING QUESTION

DEAR INQUIRING: Tattoos often have deeply personal meanings to the wearer. Although some individuals might welcome the opportunity to explain them to a stranger, others would not because the tat may commemorate a very personal -- or sad -- milestone. Your wife may have become upset because she felt the question was presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. Our wedding is set for a year from now. I'm thinking about calling off our wedding, not because I don't love him, or because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want that. It's because I'm the only one with a decent job. He has a job, but doesn't earn enough to support us.

I can't be the only one earning an income. How are we supposed to move out of our parents' houses and start a life together if I'm the one doing everything? What will happen when things need to start getting paid for, and there's no guarantee he'll find something? I have talked to him about it, and he's angry. He knows it's time to change his life around and get serious.

Should I keep the date and keep my fingers crossed he'll find a job by then, or postpone our wedding, which has a venue but nothing else planned? I don't need to get married anytime soon, and I'd prefer to wait until he can support himself and we are in a better place financially. Then I feel like we could move forward. Am I making the right decision? -- CAUTIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Yes, you are. You are thinking with your head instead of being swept away by your emotions, and I applaud you for it. I have said for many years that before a woman marries she should be able to support herself, in case future circumstances require it. Well, the same is true for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. Recently, I rekindled a relationship I had with a guy I was close with many years ago. We have a lot of the same interests.

When he asked what it would take for us to be permanent, I asked that he stop smoking pot. He responded that he does it only "two or three times a year" and that for me to make that request was "controlling." I asked him for no other changes.

I hate the smell of smoke, and pot is illegal in our state, so I broke it off because he wouldn't agree. Did I do the right thing? -- TONY IN FLORIDA

DEAR TONY: Yes, because his response to your simple request indicates that any accommodation you asked of him would likely be met with the same reaction.

DEAR ABBY: My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is gray and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it's clean it looks dirty.

I was raised to take pride in my appearance. If I say anything about it, he thinks it's funny, or the other extreme, that I am picking on him. He's not a rock star or a young lad. Please help. -- NEAT AND CLEAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEAT AND CLEAN: I'll try. Your mistake is making his problem (poor grooming) your problem. Continue to take pride in your appearance, and if he prefers to look like an old hippie, let him. Neither you nor I can change him, and because his tresses are thinning, the problem may resolve itself.