DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, I had a romance with a young girl in a faraway town. After a year, thinking I could do better, I moved on. With the benefit of hindsight, I now realize she stood head and shoulders above all the others, and I had tragically discarded my soul mate.

By chance, I ended up settling in the same city as she. She eventually married and raised a family. Now and then we would run into each other, exchange a few friendly words and a quick hug, then move on. On one of those occasions, she was accompanied by her husband and introduced me as a "friend" from back in our younger days. Although he was cordial, I could see in his expression that he wondered if perhaps there wasn't more to the story than that.

In the course of getting my papers and estate arranged, it is clear I have done fairly well in terms of money. I divorced years ago and have no children. I am leaving money to a relative or two, some assorted charities and, for two reasons, I have decided to leave a reasonably large sum to my soul mate. For one, she was, and is, perhaps the finest person I have ever known. Second, it is obvious to me that they can use the money.

But what happens when this windfall drops out of the sky into their laps? I have no wish to cause problems in their apparently happy marriage in any way, but I cannot help but think that despite my good intentions it might cause a disturbance in their relationship. Am I doing the right thing, and is there a better way to do it? -- "JOHN BERESFORD TIPTON JR."

DEAR "MR. TIPTON": Your letter brings to mind a television series from years ago called "The Millionaire." Each week the representative of an eccentric multimillionaire, John Beresford Tipton Jr., would hand some deserving person a check for $1 million in the hope that it would improve the person's life.

Ask your financial adviser or the person who will administer your estate how to discreetly pull off an anonymous bequest, and I'm sure the person can make it happen.

DEAR ABBY: For a year and a half, my wife and I have been looking forward to attending our granddaughter's college graduation. (She will be graduating on June 1.) When I called my son to discuss hotel and other arrangements, he told me my granddaughter initially was allowed only three tickets, but managed to get two more tickets from students whose relatives could not attend. He then informed me that he, his ex-wife, his son, his ex-wife's sister and the sister's live-in boyfriend will be using the tickets.

I feel very hurt that the ex's sister and boyfriend got tickets instead of me and my wife. We had planned to give my granddaughter $500 for graduation. After this slap in the face, should we give her the $500, which we have given to all our other grandchildren upon their graduation? -- LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Yes, you should. Although you are right to feel hurt and offended, the blame should rest with your son and not your granddaughter, and she should not be penalized for it.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend of many years is marrying for the fourth time. Her fiance is verbally abusive and a heavy drinker. After a particularly bad period she went through with him, I told her that if she went ahead and married him, she should just let me know when it was over because I had no desire to witness this union.

Well, she called me a few days ago with the date, assuming I was going to go. When I reminded her of what I had said, she said she hadn't believed me. She wasn't happy about my refusal to go, but seems to have accepted it. My question is, do I need to acknowledge this wedding (only six people are attending) with a card or just let the day pass? -- NOT A FAN OF THE MAN

DEAR NOT A FAN: Be prepared for the fact that your decision not to attend her wedding may result in distancing you from your friend. Send a sweet card with your good wishes. Then cross your fingers and pray for her well-being.

DEAR ABBY: I am a disabled vet, long divorced. My significant other is a widow eight years older than I am, who suffers from advanced arthritis. I love her with all my heart, but I have become a full-time caregiver when I pretty much need someone to take care of me. I find myself almost wishing she would pass, so I could lay down and die myself. Any thoughts? -- WORN OUT IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR WORN OUT: Yes, but before I share them I want to thank you for your service to our country.

As much as you love your lady friend, your own health must come first. For both your sakes, you must not allow taking care of her to make you sick.

Does she have family who could help out? If not, perhaps social services can guide you in finding someone to assist her with the duties you have taken on. However, before doing that, please talk with your doctor and tell him or her what you have written to me because the feelings you describe may be symptoms not only of exhaustion but also depression, which is treatable.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I are set to take a weeklong vacation with another family this summer. We will be renting a house. What is the appropriate split for the rental fee? My wife and I have four children; the other couple has two. All of the children are under the age of 8.

I think my wife and I should pay more because our family is larger. My wife agrees, but isn't sure what the split should be. The other couple wants to pay 50/50, saying the children are so little they shouldn't be considered in the cost of the trip. I think an appropriate compromise would be for each family to pay half the rental, but my wife and I pay for all of the food. What do you think? -- HAPPY PROBLEM

DEAR HAPPY PROBLEM: I think it would be appropriate to offer a split of 60/40. That way you would be paying a little bit extra. However, if they still prefer splitting it in half, you should agree rather than argue.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 12 years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is now 16. They have had their ups and downs. What irritates me to no end is, my husband tattles on my daughter.

Today she wanted to come home from school because she felt nauseated. My husband had the day off, and even though he didn't want to, he picked her up from school. He proceeded to text me at work later on in the day to let me know that she was eating waffles and chicken nuggets.

I can't control what my daughter eats when I'm not there. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. The issues between them are much deeper, but I cannot stand his tattling. If my child says she's nauseated and then eats waffles, she must learn somehow that they are not conducive to feeling better. My husband going out of his way to rat on her when she does things like this seems overboard. Am I crazy for feeling this way?! -- SEEKING PEACE AT HOME

DEAR SEEKING PEACE: You are not crazy for feeling this way. You are crazy for not having it out with your husband rather than complain to me, and for not insisting the three of you get counseling from a licensed marriage and family therapist to iron out those "deeper issues."

P.S. Waffles and chicken nuggets are considered comfort food. What your daughter may have needed that day was comfort. If the foods she chose were not conducive to feeling better, your husband could have suggested a better option. (Chicken broth?)

DEAR ABBY: I went out with some girlfriends a few weeks ago. We began chatting and, after a while, I started to notice things that made me feel disconnected from them. After thinking about it later, I realized that although we have known each other for 10 years, we no longer have much in common.

We used to work together and shared that, but it's no longer the case. I think I might have more in common with others. We never fight, and they are wonderful people, but each time I open myself up to them, I feel judged and different. How do you suggest I maintain my friendships? Is it worth it? -- FAITHFUL FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR FRIEND: If the only thing these women brought to your relationship was the fact that you used to work together, and because circumstances have changed, it may be time to re-evaluate how important these workplace friendships are to you. Friends do not have to think in lockstep, and they shouldn't make you feel judged if your opinions differ from theirs.

A way to maintain friendships like these is to see the individuals less often and, when you do, talk about the things you do have in common. If that doesn't work, realize that not all friendships last forever and move on. Sometimes friendships run their course, and this may be one of those times.