DEAR ABBY: I've been divorced for 10 years and have since remarried. I began dating my current wife nine years ago. I have four daughters, ages 24 through 37. Since the divorce, our relationships have been strained because my ex continues to hold them emotionally hostage by feeding her narrative that I'm the bad guy for initiating the divorce. Because my daughters seem to believe everything their mother tells them, it's been difficult to reintegrate back into their lives because they don't know what to believe or who to trust.

My new wife gets frustrated when they don't call me for the big events (birthdays, Father's Day, holidays, etc.). And I feel horrible because her kids make a point of contacting me for every event. Should I continue accepting where things are with my daughters and wait for them to realize I'm not the monster their mother has painted me as? Or should I try having a hard conversation with each of them and take my chances on possibly saying the wrong thing and making things worse? -- DAMNED IF I DO OR DON'T

DEAR DAMNED: I'm not sure what the circumstances were that made you divorce their mother, but your daughters are no longer children. They are fully into adulthood. I do think a conversation with each of them is in order.

If you approach the subject saying that things don't always work out as planned, and had you found living with their mother to be tolerable you would still be married, it might make the rest of what you have to say more palatable. If your ex has accused you of infidelity, you have a right to defend yourself as long as you don't assassinate their mother's character (which is likely what she has done to yours).

DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of four sisters. I lost one of them, "Rachel," to cancer several years ago. She and I were considered the "failures" of the family because we had to work hard to take care of our families, whereas our other two sisters married into money. Rachel didn't take part in many family get-togethers because, I'm guessing, she felt out of place. I didn't understand it then, but I do now that she's gone because I feel the same way.

It's aggravating for me now when my sisters come to town. They don't understand how hard we have to work to get by. They think we and our children, who are out working hard too, can take time off anytime to get together with them when they come on short notice. It's aggravating, and I'm unsure how to approach this. Please help. -- 'FAILURE' IN FLORIDA

DEAR 'FAILURE': Your "successful" sisters appear to be annoyingly obtuse. The next time you receive an invitation on short notice, patiently explain to them the difference in your lifestyle and theirs and point out that it precludes you changing your schedule at the drop of a hat. Then tell them the amount of time you need to prepare. (Why you would want to get together with anyone who makes you feel "less than" puzzles me.)

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws have repeatedly attempted to destroy my marriage. My husband knows they trash-talk us to family, thinking we don't know it, but he won't put up any meaningful boundaries or check them whatsoever. I have lost all respect for him because he lies to me, telling me he has confronted them, when I know for a fact he hasn't.

We separated over this issue, and he spent four years dragging his feet until I got sick of his stalling and began dating to get him to act. He wanted to reconcile, so I made the terms of getting back together clear: Confront his family about their toxic behavior, get therapy for his self-esteem issues and finish working on our house so we could sell it and move away from our neighbor, the heroin dealer who had been harassing us for years.

He finished the house, and after two years on and off the market, I ended up selling it. But the confrontation with his family never happened. I still catch them talking trash about us, and he has refused to go to therapy. I've been through therapy and anger management and have come a long way. But he's firmly entrenched in his dysfunction and doesn't see or care how it affects me.

I spent the first 10 years of our marriage being an unprioritized afterthought of a wife. I refuse to continue to be that person after everything we've been through. When is enough enough? -- AT A CROSSROADS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CROSSROADS: Enough was enough when you finally realized your husband wasn't going to change and accepted that he will never be strong enough to draw the line with his abusive family. I'm surprised your marriage has lasted this long.

DEAR ABBY: How do you handle a friend who never stops talking? My longtime friend has always been a good storyteller, but as we become older, she hijacks every conversation when we get together. She's oblivious to verbal or body cues that the rest of us are done with the "conversation" she has chosen and would like to move on. If someone is able to get a word in edgewise, she immediately returns to the previous subject.

I come away from gatherings feeling angry and frustrated. Is there a way to address this without blowing up a lifelong relationship? -- MUZZLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MUZZLED: I don't think there is. You stated that your longtime friend has always been a good storyteller. It is possible that, as you all are growing older, she has begun having cognitive problems. It may also be a reason why she's not picking up on social cues. Would her spouse (if she has one) or her children (if she has any) have noticed any changes? Start asking. And if the response you receive is that this is "just the way she is," for the sake of your sanity, see her less often.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Sheila" for 30 years. We were once dear friends. She was always a social drinker. Twelve years ago, she lost her husband to cancer and began drinking increasingly heavily. Sheila's now an alcoholic. Friends and family have tried many times to help her. She went to rehab twice to appease her daughter. She tried AA but said she wasn't comfortable there. She had an in-home program for months but went through the motions only until it was done.

Over the last three years, Sheila has passed out, fallen and smashed her face and accidentally burned down her house. She has been taken to the hospital by ambulance a number of times, and most recently, got her second DUI conviction. My problem is, she phones me every week to chitchat about various everyday topics like nothing has happened. If I try to talk about her issues, Sheila says she's sorry and will do better, and then changes the subject. Our conversations are making me sad and angry.

Should I finally confront her, or just cut her out of my life? I have tried to be caring and supportive when most of her other friends have written her off, but I'm ready to give up. -- FINISHED IN MAINE

DEAR FINISHED: Tell Sheila that although you care about her, you are no longer willing to stand by and watch her try to kill herself, because that is what she has been doing. Tell her you would love to continue talking with her, but only once she has confronted her serious alcohol problem AND has started on the road to recovery. (Tell her daughter the same thing.) Sometimes, an addict must hit rock bottom before they realize what their habit has cost them.

DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I was to fly across the country with my husband to attend my nephew's wedding. It was a very special event because my nephew had never been married and seemed to be a confirmed bachelor. After we arrived at the airport and were about to check in, I realized I hadn't brought my identification. I told my husband to board the flight without me.

When my husband arrived, he told his brother that I wasn't there because I had forgotten my identification. My brother-in-law told my husband he would tell his wife that I was sick, and my husband agreed. I was furious with my husband when I found out.

I had told my husband to tell my sister-in-law (who is my friend) that I had forgotten my identification. I am also angry at my brother-in-law for lying about me. Should I tell my sister-in-law the truth and let her know her husband lied about me? -- NO-SHOW IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NO-SHOW: A better way to phrase it would be to tell your sister-in-law (who is your friend) that you couldn't get on the plane because you forgot your ID, and still can't figure out why your husband and hers didn't give her the real reason.