DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate in a regular online exercise class, in which all the clients are veterans -- and mostly men. I am usually the only woman in the group. Participants generally sign on several minutes early to chitchat, and the host (a woman) greets everyone as she sees them.

My irritation is that she greets all the men as “Mr.,” and me by my first name. Everyone’s screen names include both first and last names, and none are particularly difficult to pronounce, so I don’t understand the difference in addressing us. The participants are all older than she is, so it isn’t a matter of showing respect for elders.

I can imagine several possible reasons for this:

-- She feels more chummy with me, as the only other woman present.

-- She is unconsciously more respectful of the men.

-- I’m not seen as a peer of the other veterans because I’m “only” a woman (something encountered quite a bit on active duty, sadly).

-- There is some subconscious self-distancing at play when talking to men vs. women.

She may not realize this can be off-putting, and might appreciate being told. Should I email her to let her know? Should I change my screen name to “Miss So-and-so” -- or even more snarkily, “Sergeant So-and-so” -- as a not-so-subtle hint?

I’m conflicted about even asking this. Ironically, one of my joys after retiring was to finally be called by my first name again.

GENTLE READER: Ironic indeed. Miss Manners suggests a non-snarky reason that is not on your list: that this woman may not know which honorific you use (Miss, Ms. or Mrs.) and is afraid to guess.

Listing your preferred honorific, or your rank, as your screen name would certainly make the point. If she asks you about it or seems taken aback, you may helpfully say, “I just noticed that you prefer to call people by their last names, so I wanted to alert you to mine.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in downtown Houston and regularly walk through the underground network of tunnels to escape the heat between appointments. Most of the time, I notice people follow standard traffic rules: walking on the right side, e.g.

However, I sometimes see groups of businesspeople walking shoulder-to-shoulder, as if they’re off to see the Wizard of Oz. It is reminiscent of teenagers navigating a school hallway. The way these groups block the path, a collision was inevitable, and it happened recently. A woman clipped my shoulder, then loudly exclaimed, “Excuse you! Can’t you see we’re walking here?!”

Her entire group turned to look at me, as if I was at fault for simply existing in "their" world. Not knowing what else to say, I replied, “The tunnels are for everyone,” before walking away to my next appointment. As I left, I heard the woman yell, “RUDE!”

What do you recommend I should have said or done in that situation?

GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid there was just no way through.”

Miss Manners suggests you omit, “... and I need to see the Wizard,” however tempting it may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged to a lovely young woman, whom my son’s mother and I like a lot. The bride-to-be’s father, a very nice man, announced that he would be paying for the wedding “as is tradition” in order to help the couple, as they are still just starting their careers.

I told him that it was generous of him to offer, but that having the father of the bride foot the entire bill for the wedding was outdated, and asked him what expenses I could pick up. He told me tradition states I should host the rehearsal dinner, to which I agreed.

The problem is that I don’t think they can afford a wedding. I know from my son, and from having met them, that the bride’s parents don’t have a lot of extra money. As plans have progressed, it is clear they are taking shortcuts to save expenses -- things like asking family members (who are not caterers) to cater the wedding, and recruiting a friend (who is not a photographer) to handle the photos. I don’t think they are being cheap; they are just on a budget.

My son has mentioned that he and his bride are a little disappointed at some of these choices, but that they don’t want to say anything since her father is paying. They do not want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I have been blessed to have done very well professionally, and could pay for a nice wedding without it being a burden. I would like to approach the father of the bride and say something along the lines of, “Don’t ask guests to work the wedding; let me pick up some of these bills.”

I don’t want to insult him, though. It seems clear to me he is pridefully trying to host his daughter’s wedding without financial help. Is there a way I can again offer to contribute without insulting him?

GENTLE READER: Nonsensical though it may sound, the solution is to accept the premise that the father of the bride is paying for the wedding -- and then approach him only about specific items.

So, for example, wait to hear that the father of the bride has asked your nephew to take photographs -- when you know your nephew does not want to do so, and will gratefully bow out if asked. You can then ask, apologetically, if you can take care of (rather than pay for) the photography, and say how much you would appreciate being able to do so.

Everyone’s pride is intact, everyone feels good, no one has been called ignorant of modern practices, and Miss Manners cares not a whit that kindness and diplomacy have taken precedence over frank confrontation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, I introduced my close, longtime friend, Nora, to Lauren, an acquaintance whose husband is my husband’s boss. To my delight, they hit it off -- so much so that a few months ago, they decided to go on a three-week trip together.

The vacation was a disaster. The women fought constantly. As my close friend, Nora spared me no details.

I will most likely have to socialize with my husband’s boss and his wife soon. How should I respond if Lauren asks me what Nora said about her and their trip together? I have a feeling she will ask. The last thing I want is to inflame the situation and to be placed in a tight spot.

Can I pretend I don’t know anything, other than that they had a good time?

GENTLE READER: One generally assumes that the boss’s wife is not the pork-chop-throwing type of hostess, but given your friend’s reports from the trip, you are right to be prepared.

A ready answer to a question of, “Did you hear about the trip?” can save you from having to outright lie: “Oh? How was it? Did you two have a wonderful time?”

If the boss’s wife is smart, she will also be prepared: “It was such a remarkable place. Are you and your husband getting away this summer?” But if she is not, you will be able to listen passively until an opportunity presents itself to run away.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other night, around 6 p.m., my mother-in-law came to our house without a call or text. Just randomly showed up and started talking to us in the dining room.

I was in the middle of cooking dinner, and had timed it so that I could do other things while the food was in the oven. However, that was interrupted when she came by.

After 15 minutes, I took the food out, added sauce and put it back in for an additional 5 minutes. She saw me do this, and instead of leaving since it was clearly our dinnertime, she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down! I’m not sure how she failed to read the room.

What is the best way to let her know, without seeming rude, that she should call or text before just popping in?

GENTLE READER: This was not just any guest, and the term mother-in-law carries often-unjust overtones that are irrelevant to your situation.

If your husband’s mother wants to drop by unannounced and stay for dinner, and your husband is unwilling to toss her out, you are stuck. But Miss Manners does not see why this should ruin your night.

Set her a place at the table. After dinner, she can sit with the rest of the family while you go about your evening. If she is still around when the kids go to sleep, your husband can sit with her while you catch up on work -- or on a good book.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)