DEAR MISS MANNERS: I made a serious error when speaking to someone with cancer by referring to people not diagnosed with the disease as “normal” -- as in, “Can normal people get periodically scanned?”

I quickly corrected myself, but I still agonize over it, two weeks later. I don’t know what I was thinking and I’m so embarrassed.

This is a casual acquaintance, and we have loose plans to get together for lunch. How should I address this, if at all?

GENTLE READER: Make those loose plans firm. Then assess the damage at lunch.

If your friend seems chilly or distant, Miss Manners suggests you cautiously bring up the incident and apologize. But if she appears to have forgotten about it, let it go. You will have learned a lesson for next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: People often ask if I am an artist. I think it is because of the offbeat way that I dress: no paint spatters, but oversized glasses, angled haircuts, quirky shoes, etc.

It seems like a way of commenting on my appearance, and I think it is meant to be complimentary. But when I simply say “No,” there is an awkward silence that follows. I don’t want to volunteer what my actual profession is; that invites a lot of other questions, and I don’t think they are really interested in my job. I don’t necessarily want to engage in a whole conversation, but I don’t want to come across as rude, either.

What would be a polite and friendly response?

GENTLE READER: Rarely one to seek out offense where none is intended, even Miss Manners wonders why these strangers feel the need to label your appearance. And the awkward pause afterwards is betraying any honorable intentions they may have had.

Miss Manners suggests you let them live in the silence a bit to draw attention to it, followed by, “I just like to wear fun things.” That they do not will only be implied.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who is older than me by about 20 years. We both work remotely. While we work together on projects, we report to different bosses.

When I tell her I have finished a task or project, she will respond with “Good girl,” as if I am her pet or child. She does this via email, in instant messages and verbally over the phone. It is infuriating and demeaning.

What would be a suitable response to her? Up to this point, I have just ignored it and moved on, but I really want to say something to make her realize it is awful to say that to a grown woman.

GENTLE READER: “I’m sure you mean it kindly, and I’m delighted that you appreciate my work. But this is my job, and when you say ‘Good girl,’ it makes me feel as though I am doing you a favor. Or that I am a pet instead of a colleague.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate in a regular online exercise class, in which all the clients are veterans -- and mostly men. I am usually the only woman in the group. Participants generally sign on several minutes early to chitchat, and the host (a woman) greets everyone as she sees them.

My irritation is that she greets all the men as “Mr.,” and me by my first name. Everyone’s screen names include both first and last names, and none are particularly difficult to pronounce, so I don’t understand the difference in addressing us. The participants are all older than she is, so it isn’t a matter of showing respect for elders.

I can imagine several possible reasons for this:

-- She feels more chummy with me, as the only other woman present.

-- She is unconsciously more respectful of the men.

-- I’m not seen as a peer of the other veterans because I’m “only” a woman (something encountered quite a bit on active duty, sadly).

-- There is some subconscious self-distancing at play when talking to men vs. women.

She may not realize this can be off-putting, and might appreciate being told. Should I email her to let her know? Should I change my screen name to “Miss So-and-so” -- or even more snarkily, “Sergeant So-and-so” -- as a not-so-subtle hint?

I’m conflicted about even asking this. Ironically, one of my joys after retiring was to finally be called by my first name again.

GENTLE READER: Ironic indeed. Miss Manners suggests a non-snarky reason that is not on your list: that this woman may not know which honorific you use (Miss, Ms. or Mrs.) and is afraid to guess.

Listing your preferred honorific, or your rank, as your screen name would certainly make the point. If she asks you about it or seems taken aback, you may helpfully say, “I just noticed that you prefer to call people by their last names, so I wanted to alert you to mine.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in downtown Houston and regularly walk through the underground network of tunnels to escape the heat between appointments. Most of the time, I notice people follow standard traffic rules: walking on the right side, e.g.

However, I sometimes see groups of businesspeople walking shoulder-to-shoulder, as if they’re off to see the Wizard of Oz. It is reminiscent of teenagers navigating a school hallway. The way these groups block the path, a collision was inevitable, and it happened recently. A woman clipped my shoulder, then loudly exclaimed, “Excuse you! Can’t you see we’re walking here?!”

Her entire group turned to look at me, as if I was at fault for simply existing in "their" world. Not knowing what else to say, I replied, “The tunnels are for everyone,” before walking away to my next appointment. As I left, I heard the woman yell, “RUDE!”

What do you recommend I should have said or done in that situation?

GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid there was just no way through.”

Miss Manners suggests you omit, “... and I need to see the Wizard,” however tempting it may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged to a lovely young woman, whom my son’s mother and I like a lot. The bride-to-be’s father, a very nice man, announced that he would be paying for the wedding “as is tradition” in order to help the couple, as they are still just starting their careers.

I told him that it was generous of him to offer, but that having the father of the bride foot the entire bill for the wedding was outdated, and asked him what expenses I could pick up. He told me tradition states I should host the rehearsal dinner, to which I agreed.

The problem is that I don’t think they can afford a wedding. I know from my son, and from having met them, that the bride’s parents don’t have a lot of extra money. As plans have progressed, it is clear they are taking shortcuts to save expenses -- things like asking family members (who are not caterers) to cater the wedding, and recruiting a friend (who is not a photographer) to handle the photos. I don’t think they are being cheap; they are just on a budget.

My son has mentioned that he and his bride are a little disappointed at some of these choices, but that they don’t want to say anything since her father is paying. They do not want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I have been blessed to have done very well professionally, and could pay for a nice wedding without it being a burden. I would like to approach the father of the bride and say something along the lines of, “Don’t ask guests to work the wedding; let me pick up some of these bills.”

I don’t want to insult him, though. It seems clear to me he is pridefully trying to host his daughter’s wedding without financial help. Is there a way I can again offer to contribute without insulting him?

GENTLE READER: Nonsensical though it may sound, the solution is to accept the premise that the father of the bride is paying for the wedding -- and then approach him only about specific items.

So, for example, wait to hear that the father of the bride has asked your nephew to take photographs -- when you know your nephew does not want to do so, and will gratefully bow out if asked. You can then ask, apologetically, if you can take care of (rather than pay for) the photography, and say how much you would appreciate being able to do so.

Everyone’s pride is intact, everyone feels good, no one has been called ignorant of modern practices, and Miss Manners cares not a whit that kindness and diplomacy have taken precedence over frank confrontation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)