DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sharing stories, anecdotes or facts in conversation, I usually cite my source. For example, I might say, “I recently read an op-ed in (newspaper) by (author) where they said ...”

But in my attempt to give credit where credit is due, I feel that I’m coming off as elitist and/or condescending. What is your opinion on when it is appropriate to cite a source in conversation?

GENTLE READER: In the current climate, “I read it somewhere ...” tends to be code for, “Someone made up something with which I agree, so it must be true.”

Miss Manners commends you, therefore, on your ability to cite and recall a reputable source. While stating it explicitly may come off sounding a bit academic in casual conversation, she will gladly let it pass instead of the alternative.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 70 years old, and have had a cordial, if not close, relationship with my 58-year-old brother all our lives. Recently he texted me a screenshot of a map of my neighborhood. I texted back, “Huh?”

He answered, “I’m across the street from your building.”

I replied, “I didn’t know you were in town.”

He answered, “I’m here for Caroline’s wedding” (his daughter).

I was a bit taken aback, as I knew nothing about it, nor had I been invited. But I figured it was a small, immediate-family-only affair, and decided the nice thing to do would be to send a gift. So I went online to see if she had a bridal registry.

Well, it turned out that she had a wedding website, which described the lavish affair in detail: a bridal party of 24 maids of honor and groomsmen, to be held at an upscale hotel a few blocks from my home.

I was stunned. I texted my brother, “If you’re in town and can’t or don’t want to see me, that’s OK. And if you can’t or don’t want to invite me to your daughter’s wedding, that’s OK too. We’re not especially close, and my expectations are minimal. But why not be discreet about it and say nothing? Why bring it to my attention by text? It’s thoughtless at best, cruel at worst. Nonetheless, I hope the wedding is joyous, the bride radiant and her father proud.”

Within minutes, he texted back, “You’re right. We’re not close, and it’s thoughtless of you to dump your hurt feelings on me just before I’m supposed to give my daughter away in matrimony. Tasteless, too.”

We have not communicated since.

There’s a lot to unpack here, but my question is simple: How, if at all, should I have replied to the rather clumsily delivered news that I was not invited?

GENTLE READER: There is indeed a lot to unpack here. Miss Manners’ preference would have been to leave all that dirty laundry zipped up and put away -- since that is where you ended up anyway.

“Please give Caroline my best wishes” would have sufficed -- its brevity chilly enough to match the circumstances, but the sentiment faultlessly gracious. And it would suffice now.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for an organization that provides services for homeless people. We provide items such as clothes, winter coats, shoes, infant formula, diapers and personal hygiene kits -- and also help with transportation (such as bus passes) and assistance with getting an apartment. Once someone is housed, we provide “startup kits” with kitchen items, bed linens, towels, etc., plus a grocery delivery service. All this is free.

We also have a “free wall” that has odds and ends we have received as donations. This wall often includes various gift cards. Once, I was putting some cards out when another volunteer approached me, asking if she could take a card for herself because it was so pretty.

I was so surprised that I didn’t really know what to say, so I said I guessed she could. She then used it to help herself to free items.

This woman spent 12 days in France with her husband and two sons. They’ve traveled out of the country several other times last year, so I know she’s comfortable financially.

Now, she follows me to the free area each week, saying, “What goodies do you have today?” So far, she’s expressed her disappointment in the offerings, but I fear she will eventually ask again.

Can you suggest something I can say to discourage her from taking things meant to help our homeless community?

GENTLE READER: You cannot decently accuse this person of stealing from the homeless -- which, Miss Manners realizes, is likely what she is counting on.

But you could suggest there was a miscommunication: “I am so sorry, I should have been more clear when you asked for that card. These items are meant for the indigent. They are not for us.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am finding that whenever I go out to a social event, or even a restaurant, I am either being captured by a camera or someone has taken candid pictures without my knowledge.

In the past, I had always assumed that picture-taking was a matter of consent and good manners. I like pictures, but feel I need to be ready for them.

Again, just this weekend, a friend sent me a couple of shots she took while I was talking to mutual friends at a party. I hadn't known they were being taken. I didn’t want to seem difficult, so I said "thanks" and didn’t comment further, but I would have preferred to have been asked.

It would take too long to list the venues at which this seems to happen these days. I wonder if we need to enter spaces with consent forms in hand.

GENTLE READER: A slightly more practical approach is to make it hard on the photographer.

Miss Manners’ logic is simple enough for someone devoted to social media to follow: It is impolite to take a photograph without asking permission. Your friend is not a rude person; therefore, if their camera appears to be pointing your way, that must be a mistake. As such, if you turn away, or if your hand covers your face, you are not intentionally ruining their shot.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a communication issue with my nieces and nephews, who are about to be college-age. They are my brother-in-law's kids. Their grandmother (my partner's mother) feeds them an inventory of our possessions, encouraging them to ask us for these items.

She has suggested that the nieces and nephews beg for my jewelry and musical instruments -- while I’m still using and enjoying them. For example, the kids asked for my jewelry and made it clear they wanted GOLD, so I told them I only have costume jewelry and some plated gold. They said "Ewww!" and ran back to tell Grandma, “She only has PLATED gold! Ugghhhh.”

Her son and I are a childless couple, which seems to have invited this “finders-keepers” attitude of hers. She assumes that these items will be available to anyone, since we don't have kids. (I have siblings on my side of the family, but she doesn't know them.)

Maybe I should tell the kids I pawned the instruments. Is there a good way to teach discretion to teens in a situation like this?

The larger issue is that they are too willing to act on Grandma’s lower instincts to grab valuables from the less-favored couple and hand resources to the "golden children" of the family.

GENTLE READER: Whether Grandma is the scout on these would-be heists strikes Miss Manners as beside the point: A 17-year-old is old enough to know that demanding that someone hand over their jewelry is not something polite people do (except in watch repair shops).

Trying to convince these teens that the goods are not worth stealing seems tantamount to giving up. Better to look slightly scandalized at the next request, and say, with a slightly patronizing smile, “Well, I’m still playing this guitar; surely you are not looking forward to my death.”

If the grandmother brings it up directly, you can say, “I’m sure you’ll leave them well provided for, so they shouldn’t be told to expect anything from me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a friendly, but introverted, person. I enjoy the company of others in very small doses.

After living in the woods for well over a decade, I agreed to move to a suburban community to nurture my husband’s extrovert nature. The houses are very close together, so there is no real privacy when outside.

I am happy to meet new people and develop friendships, but I would like to politely establish boundaries. For example, I don’t want to be expected to chat with my neighbors over the backyard fence. I would like to keep that space for myself.

Do you have any advice on how I may tactfully set boundaries without turning people off? I don’t want to say anything that may close doors for my husband, but I also want some space to recharge without hiding in my basement.

GENTLE READER: Raise the fence, and lower your gaze when passing it. If you get caught, look distracted, apologize, and say pleasantly that you are so sorry you cannot stop to talk.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)