DEAR MISS MANNERS: We threw a small potluck birthday lunch in the break room for one of our co-workers. About four of us contributed; we all work directly with her and know her the best.

We put the leftovers in the fridge, and later in the day, a co-worker who hadn’t been at the party helped himself to them.

I’d mentioned that we were each planning to take our own leftovers home, but he said once something is shared in a public place, it becomes public property. Is this a real rule?

GENTLE READER: No.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a moderate hearing loss on one side and pretty severe hearing loss on the other side. A lot of folks don’t know I have a problem, because the hearing aids they make now are great -- hard to see, and my hair covers them.

However, my hearing is sometimes affected by things like seasonal allergies, and I’m often the last to realize.

I was talking with some friends, partly in Spanish (my second language) and partly in English, with some fellow teachers. I asked my friend a question in English, not realizing someone on my deafer side had started talking.

He had made a joke in Spanish and I didn’t quite catch what was going on. After he left, my friend really doubled down on how rude I had been.

Obviously I felt sorry as soon as I understood, which probably took a little extra time due to the language barrier. I told her I really didn’t hear him speak and I would never have interrupted him if I had. She continued to tell me she felt bad for him and that I was rude.

Of course, I told the other friend later that I hadn’t heard him and I was sorry for making an awkward moment. He was really sweet about it because he knows I am not rude by nature.

I know hearing loss can be hard to see and sometimes difficult to predict, depending on the nature of it. But I wonder if this other friend, who insisted on calling me rude even after I explained that I couldn’t hear, knows how bad that sounds for folks with a disability.

I thought about telling her how it comes across, but that would feel like I was just trying to get sympathy. I just wouldn’t want her to show the same lack of understanding to someone else with a disability -- for her sake, too. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Demonizing someone with a disability is, of course, unspeakably rude. (So is demonizing someone without a disability.)

But this can be settled without resorting to such heavy artillery. Even if your hearing were perfect and you merely failed to hear the joke because of a momentary lapse of attention, what you did was not The Rudest Thing That Ever Happened. It was a minor, unintentional infraction, erased by your subsequent apology.

It was far ruder of your friend to dwell on it. Forget about it and, if this person raises it again, thank her and tell her you dealt with it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We threw a small potluck birthday lunch in the break room for one of our co-workers. About four of us contributed; we all work directly with her and know her the best.

We put the leftovers in the fridge, and later in the day, a co-worker who hadn't been at the party helped himself to them.

I'd mentioned that we were each planning to take our own leftovers home, but he said once something is shared in a public place, it becomes public property. Is this a real rule?

GENTLE READER: No.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If we renewed the lovely fashion of wearing gloves, people wouldn't have to fear catching germs from shaking hands or appearing rude for refusing.

GENTLE READER: Why didn’t Miss Manners think of that?

Not only would it solve the problems you mention, but it would allow her to wallow in a treasure trove of forgotten customs.

And as a bonus, it might alert those involved in plays and shows set in the past to use period costumes properly, which they almost never do. Even in lavish movies and television series, the supposedly refined characters eat and drink while wearing gloves, which is -- ewww!

Removing gloves before eating is a strict rule. But if you have a glass or a canape or a fork in your hands, that is an obvious and polite excuse for not shaking hands. Just practice the regretful smile that should accompany the refusal.

Aside from protective gloves worn for tasks like waxing your car or dyeing your hair -- during which, presumably, you don’t socialize -- gloves are now chiefly worn for warmth. Greeting someone outdoors in the cold should not therefore be a problem.

But gloves were once a routine part of a proper outfit worn outside of one’s home, regardless of the weather: cotton gloves for spring and summer, fine leather for formal occasions, and heavier leather or wool for fall and winter. Oh, and slippery ones for striptease acts.

P.S. It is true that gentlemen -- but not ladies -- were supposed to remove their gloves when shaking hands. But Miss Manners is hereby suspending that rule.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An elderly friend died last year after a long decline. I was very fond of her, as she was of me, and I visited her regularly after she moved from her home to the care facility where she died.

I recently received a small monetary bequest. My friend’s executor is the eldest of her three children. Should I write a thank-you note for this bequest, and if so, to whom should it be addressed?

Obviously I can’t write to my deceased friend, though I do think of her gratefully almost every day for her love and many kindnesses. Yet I don’t think much of the children -- they neglected my friend and left her lonely for many of her final months -- and am not keen to give them credit by thanking them for a bequest that was A. not of their generosity, and B. handled entirely by lawyers.

If I should send a thank-you note, do I address it only to the executor or to all three?

GENTLE READER: You do your late friend no honor by snubbing her children, at least one of whom she trusted enough to name as her executor. Miss Manners hopes that you will express your condolences to the children. However complicated the relationships, they did lose their mother.

But no, you need not thank the family for the bequest, which was none of their doing. Any acknowledgment to the executor would be in that child’s capacity as your friend’s chosen representative.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)