DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’ve been invited to a combination multi-graduate/Father’s Day gathering at an in-law’s house. The hosts suggested it in order to honor all the fathers in the family, as well as the three graduates: my husband from grad school, our son from high school and the hosts’ daughter from high school. Our in-laws have offered to provide all the food and beverages.

With one week to go, we’ve been informed that the hosts will show a video of their daughter’s life through high school. The daughter is intelligent, athletic and accomplished (head of her school’s newspaper, etc.).

Our son has a learning disorder and worked very hard, including taking summer school and repeating some classes, in order to pass our state’s high school exit exam and graduate. His accomplishments are more personal than his cousin’s, which are public.

My brother-in-law has “invited” us to put a video together for our son and bring it to share. We don’t know how, and it’s awfully short notice for us, who are technologically challenged. (BIL works in the computer industry.)

What are our polite options? Is there a kind way to avoid watching the cousin's video, or must guests indulge their host’s every whim? Also, how do we protect our children from what is bound to encourage uneven comparisons in this competitive family? Should we even worry about that?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners does not necessarily believe that family competitions should be encouraged. But here is how to win this one:

Do not make a film. After sitting through the celebration of the hosts’ daughter, the rest of the family will be only too grateful not to have to watch another.

Just stand up and say, “Congratulations, Olivia! That’s wonderful. We’re equally proud of Liam’s achievements, but we’re not filmmakers, so I’m afraid you’ll just have to take our word for it.”

You -- and Liam -- will probably get an ovation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My youngest son is getting married this summer. His wife-to-be has a large extended family.

I have received an invitation to a dinner/shower which, across the top in big letters, states: "Couples only."

I am not in a couple, and haven’t been for some time. I am not dating anyone, and my ex-husband is dead, so I can’t ask him. I am not sure what the correct way is to RSVP. I think this might be the first of other invites that will come this way.

GENTLE READER: The wording is unfortunate, but Miss Manners is guessing that it is not intended to say that you can’t come to dinner unless you are married.

Rather, it is probably to suggest that single people should not bring what is (also unfortunately) known as a plus-one.

At least, let us hope so. Check with your son. If they really mean that they are running a Noah’s Ark operation, he might want to reconsider hopping aboard.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can/should one wish a Roman Catholic priest “Happy Father’s Day”?

GENTLE READER: If you are sure that he has a sense of humor.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have become friends with another couple over the past two years, and we frequently invite them for dinner. Lately, I’ve noticed that the husband leaves the toilet seat up after using the bathroom.

Both my husband and I have a habit of closing the lid before flushing. Is there a way I can politely bring this up with our guest?

My husband believes it would be rude for me to mention it and that I should do nothing. If not a polite conversation, is it rude to leave a little framed sign in the bathroom: “Please close lid before flushing”?

GENTLE READER: Are you sure that is what you really want?

Because if your guest (or anyone, really) closes the lid before flushing -- without a quick glance behind to make sure that everything is ... expunged -- you might get an unpleasant surprise when you return.

Miss Manners suggests that you do your best to ignore your guests’ bathroom habits and resist putting up that sign. People have all sorts of private behaviors, and neither you nor she really needs to hear about them (she thanks her gentle readers in advance for sparing her).

If you absolutely cannot control yourself, however, next time it happens, she will permit you to turn to your husband in front of the guest and in a loud stage whisper, say, “I’m afraid the cat was drinking out of the toilet again. He always does that when the lid is left up.”

Of course, your husband will have to consent to the ruse, and you may need to procure a cat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a good relationship with my neighbors across the street -- we’re not friends, but we have a nice, friendly manner with each other.

Occasionally they ask me to bring their mail into the house when they are gone for longer periods of time -- and here comes the dilemma.

As a “thank you,” they always give us a bottle of wine. The bottles have no sleeves or any other identifying marks on them. We don’t drink wine. Never has anyone seen us drink it, because we don’t!

Yet, I have a cabinet full of unmarked bottles that I don’t know what to do with. After years of receiving bottle after bottle, I don’t know how I could let my neighbors know that we really don’t want them. I can’t even regift them to someone else, because they have no sleeves on them. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Unmarked bottles of wine, like unmarked white vans, are not to be trusted. Miss Manners suggests you continue to accept them graciously and then discreetly pour the contents down the drain -- and make sure you dispose of the empty bottles in the next town over.

While you are discarding things, however, please do away with your outrage over mere acquaintances not knowing the particulars of your drinking habits. It makes your case ever so slightly less sympathetic. Your neighbors were trying to please you, although they failed. That they do not study your drinking habits from afar is a good thing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to hear your opinion on whether or not using “Excuse me” can be rude.

In my opinion, if I can see that a person’s activity will only take a minute, it is rude to say, “Excuse me,” and expect them to stop what they’re doing to allow me to accomplish my task. The proper thing to do, in my mind, is to patiently wait my turn. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: It depends on the activity.

If someone is standing in your way in the grocery aisle, trying to decide between mayonnaise brands, you should patiently wait your turn.

If that person is blocking you while texting a spouse, having an intense argument about whether mayonnaise should be in their diet at all, and should we even be married if you don’t care enough to pick up the things I asked ... then the task at hand is not going to soon be accomplished. In that case, you may say, “Excuse me,” with Miss Manners’s blessing.

Note that tone is important, too. A haughty “Well, exCUSE Me!” is always rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I celebrated the birthday of a close friend with several others. The dinner was at a local restaurant, beginning at 5 p.m. (stated time). We had difficulty finding parking and arrived fifteen minutes late, but not because we were careless of the time.

Our friends had a table just to the left of the front door. It was obvious that the remaining eight of them had arrived early, for there were empty glasses and picked-over appetizers. I don’t see how they could have ordered and finished drinks and appetizers within 15 minutes or so, unless they’d all gathered prior to the stated time.

No one had mentioned they were going to do this or reached out to find why we were late.

Last to arrive, we soon had our own cocktails. Still, it bothers me that the rest of the party gathered before us. Most of these friends see each other at least twice a week, when we don’t.

In prior birthday events, perhaps a couple arrived early and had a cocktail, but never the rest of the party together, so this hadn’t bothered me before.

This time it did. Am I being oversensitive? I think if the party starts at a stated time, the guests arrive around that time and wait a few minutes before ordering anything. This situation has occurred before, but not to this degree. I feel my friends have moved on. Should I?

GENTLE READER: Your case would be a whole lot stronger had you not been 15 minutes late. As it stands, your friends could say they were not sure when or even if you were coming, so went ahead with ordering drinks. No doubt -- they might add -- the waitstaff was pressuring them to do so.

To get them to admit they were there longer than that would be tantamount to accusing them of fooling you -- not a good look or a pleasant way to celebrate a birthday, Miss Manners assures you.

Perhaps you should hold off casting aside a whole group of close friends until you have evidence of malice. If you really want to catch them in the act, you had better get there on time or even early. That includes leaving extra time for parking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)