DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my girlfriend and I are intimate, she showers immediately after. At first it was just her, but now she forces me to join her in a post-intercourse shower. In these showers, I’ve noticed that she scrubs relentlessly -- ferociously, even. It scares me a bit because I wonder what she’s trying to get rid of or wash away. She also changes the sheets as soon as we shower. As you can imagine, this is a tedious routine to keep up with at night when all I want to do is pass out. What do you think all this is about? -- Clean Freak

DEAR CLEAN FREAK: Seems that your girlfriend has some deep-rooted discomfort about sexual intimacy. For some reason, she associates it with uncleanliness. Perhaps something happened in her childhood that scarred her. Maybe she listened to religious dogma about having sex before marriage being a sin, and she is trying to wash the sin away. The only way you will know is to ask her.

Be tender. Tell her you have noticed the things that she does after sex, and you want to know why she has these rituals. Invite her to talk about her feelings, and ask her about her sexual history, if you haven’t already. Use this as the beginning of a conversation. It’s unlikely you will learn everything that is concerning her at first. Over time, hopefully you will find the source of her issues and strike a comfortable balance so you can sleep. For example, suggest putting a towel on the sheets so you can take that away rather than all of the bedding.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a guy who seems to be interested in me. We have some mutual friends, and he’s been trying to interact via social media. We met formally for the first time a few weeks ago at a party we both attended. He seemed charming and articulate, and he even bought me and my sister some drinks.

The other night, I happened to see a disturbing photo of this young man online. He attended a Halloween party dressed -- or not dressed -- as a baby! He had on a diaper and a baby bonnet, and he had a large pacifier in his mouth. His upper body and legs were fully exposed. Am I overreacting, or is this reason enough to dodge the first date he’s offered? -- Weird Costume

DEAR WEIRD COSTUME: Don’t consider his costume a dealbreaker; use it as a conversation starter. People dress up in all kinds of ways for Halloween. Go out with the guy, and at a natural point, tell him you saw a funny picture of him. Ask him what possessed him to wear that costume. In fun, probe a bit more to find out what kinds of other wild things he has done. Listen to get a sense of his personality. Relax and get to know each other. His costume is not a warning sign of danger, but more an indicator of silliness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently managed to land a job after months of searching in this tough job market, and while I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity, I’m struggling with the decision to take it. The job is exactly what I’ve been looking for in terms of compensation, responsibilities and career growth. It’s the perfect fit on paper, and it feels like the kind of opportunity I’ve worked so hard for. The problem is that it’s so far away from my family. My parents, grandparents and siblings mean the world to me, and we’ve always been close. I’ve never lived more than a few miles from them, and the thought of being hours away is absolutely crushing. I’m used to being able to drop by my parents’ house for dinner, celebrate birthdays and holidays in person or just spend time together whenever I need the support of my family. This job would take that away from me, and I’m afraid of how the distance will affect our relationships. I feel torn. Do I take the job and risk feeling isolated from the people I love most, or do I stay closer to home and potentially miss out on advancing my career? -- Career Move

DEAR CAREER MOVE: Your family will love you no matter where you live. Yes, you will miss each other, but you should not turn down this opportunity because of distance. Think of it as an adventure: You can take the job, gain the experience and stay for a fixed amount of time. Nobody said you had to stay in this location forever. Make the most of it. Use technology to stay close to your family while you are away, and plan visits back home as often as you can. Similarly, invite them to come see you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently brought up the idea to my fiance of having a small courthouse wedding instead of a big, traditional ceremony, but he said no immediately. He has a large network of friends and family with whom he is close, and he wants a big wedding to celebrate with everyone. I don’t have nearly as many people to invite, and the thought of a large wedding has been making me anxious.

My side of the church would be almost empty compared to his, and I would be so embarrassed. My dad’s family lives abroad, and I’ve never met most of them, so they wouldn’t be attending. On my mom’s side, we’re not particularly close, and I haven’t seen or spoken to many of them in years. It would feel almost awkward to reach out now and invite them to such an important day when we’ve been distant for so long. I do have a few close friends who will happily support me, but even then, it’s not enough to fill the pews or match the turnout my fiance’s side would bring. Is there a way to compromise so we can both feel good about the day, or am I being unreasonable for not wanting a big wedding? -- Wedding Size

DEAR WEDDING SIZE: I see two potential compromises: 1. Host a small wedding ceremony and a large reception, which is basically a big party. Have only family at the wedding. 2. Allow the big event, but have everyone sit mixed together, not separated by sides.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is currently visiting his family in South Africa, and ever since he got there, he’s stopped calling and texting me regularly. Normally, he’s a great communicator, and we talk and text throughout the day, so this sudden change has caught me off guard. I understand that we’re in different time zones right now, and I know he’s likely busy spending time with his family, but I can’t shake the feeling that if I were a genuine priority, he would still make an effort to call or text me, even just a quick message to check in.

The few times we’ve communicated during his trip have mostly been because I’ve initiated contact. While he’ll respond, it’s not with the same enthusiasm as before. This has made me feel desperate and clingy, and I hate feeling this way. I don’t want to be that person who constantly needs reassurance or feels like they’re chasing their partner for attention, but I can’t help but wonder if this is a red flag in our relationship or if I’m overthinking the situation. Is it fair to expect him to maintain the same level of communication while he’s abroad, or am I being unreasonable? How do I approach this without coming across as overly needy or insecure? -- Missing Him

DEAR MISSING HIM: Calm down and do nothing. Rather than doubting everything about your relationship, believe that he is legitimately busy. When he comes back, listen to what he shares about his trip. Then let him know that you missed him a lot and wished that he had kept in touch better. Ask him to make the effort to stay connected if he ever goes away again because that is important to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been feeling conflicted about whether I should move forward with therapy. There are so many things I need to work through mentally and emotionally. I feel overwhelmed, and it’s becoming clear that I could benefit from having a professional to talk to and help guide me. I’ve heard so many positive things about how therapy can improve not just mental health but overall well-being, and I think it might be the right step for me. On the other hand, I’m stressed about the logistics of starting therapy. I’m still on my parents’ health insurance plan, and I’m worried about how well therapy will be covered. I’m not in a position to pay for it completely out of pocket, but at the same time, I don’t want my parents to find out that I’m seeking help. It’s not that they wouldn’t necessarily support me, but they’re not the kind of people I feel comfortable opening up to about these things. Talking about mental health isn’t something we’ve ever really done in my family, and I don’t think they would understand why I feel the need to go to therapy. How can I make the best decision for myself without letting these fears hold me back? -- Need Therapy

DEAR NEED THERAPY: Look for clinics in your area that may offer free or deeply discounted therapy where you won’t need insurance. Or look for in-network therapists who take your insurance but don’t require additional co-pays. Ultimately, it may be worth it to tell your parents about therapy if you can’t find another alternative. It can be a lifesaver.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)