DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old daughter's hamster died last night, and my husband wanted to go buy a new one that looked exactly like her old one so she wouldn’t notice that he had died. I said that this is a ridiculous idea; our daughter needs to learn how to deal with situations in life that make her sad. We ended up arguing about it because he thinks she’s too young to handle grief, while I believe shielding her from it will make things harder in the long run.

I want to help my daughter process the loss in a healthy way by talking about it and allowing her to grieve, but my husband insists that sparing her the sadness is the kinder approach. I know this is just a small pet, but I feel like how we handle this moment could shape how she learns to cope with loss in the future. How do we navigate this as parents? Should we have replaced the hamster, or should we guide her through this difficult moment? -- Dealing With Death

DEAR DEALING WITH DEATH: So many people are so far removed from the cycle of life and death as part of our existence that parents often encounter situations like this. I see both of your points on this, but I agree with you: Children do need to learn about these blunt facts of life. Yes, your child will be sad to learn that the pet died, but then you can talk about life and death and how long animals usually live. You can discuss feelings and loss in simple ways that your child will understand.

The bigger issue here, though, is getting on the same page as your husband. Keep talking to him until you can reach a consensus.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my girlfriend six months ago because we would get into small arguments about every little thing. It caused a lot of tension, and eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought I had moved on from her, but recently, I saw her holding hands with another man, and I lost it. I couldn’t tell if I was angry that she had moved on from me or if I wasn’t over her. Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. Part of me wonders if I made a mistake by ending things, but another part of me remembers how exhausting our constant arguments were. I don’t know if I’m feeling jealous, if my ego is bruised or if this means I still have real feelings for her. Should I try to reach out to her, or is this just my heart playing tricks on me? How do I know if I truly miss her or just the idea of being with her? -- Spotted My Ex

DEAR SPOTTED MY EX: Chalk it up to an ego bruise, and keep moving. Your ex seems to be happy with someone else. Let her be. Focus on the future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m at a crossroads with my girlfriend. In our house, we share many of our bills. I take care of things like rent and the car payment for our shared vehicle, and she is supposed to take care of utilities. She has had a history of being a bit reckless with her spending, and I thought that with some of the bills in her name, it might help her to be more responsible -- but I don’t see a difference. I actually feel like she thinks of me as a crutch. For example, I found out she doesn’t always pay our bills on time, and when she doesn’t, she will often ask me to help cover the late fees. I’ve encouraged auto pay, but she doesn’t listen.

My girlfriend also gets an obscene number of parking tickets on the car, which I have been left to pay for, and it’s getting to be too much for me. I asked her to stop driving the car for a bit until I finish paying off the tickets because I don’t want to get a boot put on the car. She complied, but for a few days only. By the end of the weekend, she went out with the car, and the next morning while I was out walking our dog, I discovered that the back of our car was totally smashed. Later in the day, I asked her about it, and she said she meant to tell me about it, but she forgot. The love is there, but I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. Is it time to move on? -- Irresponsible Girlfriend

DEAR IRRESPONSIBLE GIRLFRIEND: You two need to talk about reality and the future. Discuss what you want in a relationship and what is happening. Tell her you want to build a life with her, but you cannot be with someone who is so irresponsible. She needs to get her act together and stop making messes for you to clean up. See if she will make a consistent effort. If not, cut your losses.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in my early 40s, and I’m fortunate that I have not had to grieve many deaths during my adult life. Several months ago, a lifelong friend passed away suddenly, and it was devastating. A few friends sent me flowers or care packages in condolence. While I was touched by their thoughtful gestures, I could not bear to have these things in my home, as they were constant reminders that my friend is gone.

I took the flowers to a senior center and the care packages to the food bank. I thanked everyone graciously for their gifts, commented that they were lovely and didn’t mention that I had passed them along. When I told my father what I had done, he told me it was petty of me to get rid of those gifts. Anytime I looked at the items, I would start sobbing. Months later, I still feel like it was the right choice for me.

I know that there will be more loss as life goes on, so I wonder: Can I continue to pass along condolence gifts, or should I somehow make it known that condolence gifts are not for me? I am trying to be sensitive to the loving people around me, but I know that such gifts will break me down rather than lift me up. -- Thanks, But No Thanks

DEAR THANKS, BUT NO THANKS: You do not need to tell your friends to stop showing their love. No need to make them feel bad. The way you handled it was perfect. If your father disapproves, there's no need to tell him, either.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my daughter might be suffering from a broken heart. I’m speculating, but a few weeks ago, she and her boyfriend broke up; he’s a rising star on his high school football team, and you know how that goes. Anyway, she’s been rude and moody, and she actually ended up pushing her mom during a heated argument. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there for this as we co-parent, but when her mom told me this, I was shocked. She’s never behaved like this before, and I think it may be because she’s hurting. What should I say to her about this? What if I’m wrong and it’s not about the breakup? What then? -- Tough Teen

DEAR TOUGH TEEN: Spending time with your daughter should be your goal. Do your best to be in touch with her through texts and calls, and carve out time for the two of you to be in each other's company. Get her to talk to you if you can. Don't ask too many questions, as that will likely make her shut down. By being close to her, you may be able to get her to relax a bit. Between spending time with her and talking to her mom, do your best to put together the pieces to see what her mental state is. You may also try telling her stories of your life at her age, especially if you had a breakup. Ask her if you can support her in any way, and listen to see how she responds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For a few months, I have been dating a guy who is very kind and mostly attentive. When we first met, he said that his life was great except for the fact that he didn’t have any money. It turns out that was a literal statement. He hasn’t had a job in more than a year, though somehow he is able to keep an apartment and take care of himself. He does not have money to take me on dates or to do anything. As I have listened to him talk about his life, I hear him saying that he doesn’t value money. He has broken up with women because they valued it too much -- but he is living at the opposite extreme. His phone has been cut off at least three times this year. I am growing frustrated by his reality, but I really like him. Am I fooling myself? This is a grown man, and while he says he is looking for work, I don’t see the fruits of that effort. Why am I holding on? -- No Hope

DEAR NO HOPE: It sounds like this man’s life is complicated and stressful right now. He may need a friend more than anything. Because you do genuinely like him, if you believe you can be a friend to him without risking romantic entanglement at a time when he is not up for that level of engagement, continue to talk to him. See what type of person he is, how he handles his business and how responsible he is. These are real concerns. Right now, he is living in crisis mode, even if he does not show it outwardly. Having a long-term relationship with him will require him to get on the other side of this critical moment so that you can see how he lives.

I want to be clear here: I am not saying that you cannot have a relationship with someone who has lost his job or is experiencing hard times. I am saying that to build a life with someone successfully usually requires getting to know them, spending time with them and discovering how your lives intersect and complement each other. This is hard to do when someone is in the depths of crisis. You need time to determine if this relationship is worth saving. Allow that time if you think he is worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)