DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a supporting role in the entertainment industry. With the work I do and the reputation my company has in this industry, I have met a lot of celebrities and high-profile individuals. A friend of mine is currently looking for new job opportunities and shared what her ultimate dream job would be -- it happens to be with a brand I’ll be working with in the next few weeks. She asked if I could share their contact information with her, but I’m not comfortable with that. I do not want to ruffle feathers or compromise my own position, but in the same breath, I want to be a resource for qualified friends in need. While I have been in touch with individuals at this brand, we have not built a close enough rapport for me to refer a friend or make a direct connection. How can I help my friend without sacrificing a client’s privacy? -- Degrees of Separation

DEAR DEGREES OF SEPARATION: It sounds like you are too new in your role -- at least with this brand -- to be able to make a referral or recommendation for your friend. Tell her the truth: As much as you want to help her, now would not work. You have to prove yourself on the job and build a rapport with your clients before introducing them to other people. Your friend may get mad, but it is essential for you to live and work based on your principles. If you want to work in that industry, you have to build trust, which happens over time. Being in a supporting role can be pivotal in your organization if you are able to be discreet, trustworthy and honorable. That doesn’t mean you can never help your friends. You will know when the time is right to do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a big family. I have six siblings, and I’ve tried to stay close to them despite our differences. Over the years, I’ve worked hard to build a stable and successful career for myself. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, especially because we didn’t grow up with much. Lately, my success has started to feel like a burden rather than a blessing. Because I make more money than my siblings, they constantly come to me for help, asking for loans to cover bills or expecting me to foot the bill whenever we go out. At first, I didn’t mind pitching in here and there -- I love my family, and I know they’ve struggled -- but now it’s becoming overwhelming. Some of my siblings have come to rely on me without trying to improve their own situations. When I say no or try to set boundaries, they make me feel guilty or call me selfish. I don’t want to create tension in the family, but I also can’t be everyone’s safety net forever. How do I support my family without sacrificing my own peace of mind or financial stability? -- Family Bank

DEAR FAMILY BANK: Set aside a specific amount of money that you are willing to share with your family. Let them know that you have allocated limited resources to help them, but when it’s gone, they are on their own. You can set up benchmarks for how much they get and when, but essentially you have to stop the bleed. Being firm while remaining generous is a way you can live with yourself and help them to become more independent.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always feel pressure to be the “strong one” in my friend group. I’m the one everyone turns to when they’re falling apart; I’m a level-headed, reliable friend who gives advice, calms tensions and somehow always knows what to say. I genuinely care about my friends and want to be there for them, but lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally drained. It's like I'm carrying everyone else’s baggage while trying to juggle my own behind the scenes.

What people forget is that I’m still figuring out life, too. I don’t have it all together, I just got good at pretending. It’s my first time being in my 30s, navigating work stress, relationships and everything in between. Some days, I wish someone would check in on me, ask how I’m doing or offer me advice for once. I don’t know how to ask for that without sounding like I’m being dramatic or needy. How do I let my friends know I need support, too? How do I stop being the strong one when all I want is to be held for a change? -- Feeling Vulnerable

DEAR FEELING VULNERABLE: The only way your friends will learn of your needs is if you tell them directly. Choose one friend you think will listen. Sit down with them and say that you need to share something important. Explain that you know you come off as the one who has it all together, but that is not always true. Reveal that you need your friends’ support. You need their wisdom, a shoulder to cry on and a heartfelt hug. Make it clear that you are feeling vulnerable right now and you need your friends to have your back.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m supposed to be going on a girls’ trip later this year. A college friend of mine planned the entire thing months in advance and shared a guest list, itinerary, budget and villa with all of us. We were using an online group chat to communicate updates and keep track of payments and things like that. The other day, I noticed that someone I do not get along with was added to the chat. I was pretty surprised since my friend who’s planning the trip knows about the tension between us. I wish my friend had asked me if I felt comfortable before she extended an invitation to this person.

I paid my deposit in full months ago and was under the impression that the trip was at capacity. If I back out now, I’ll lose a hefty deposit, but if I go, I may not enjoy myself. This feels like a lose-lose situation. Any advice? -- Uncomfortable Vacation

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE VACATION: Call the organizer and ask how and when this person got added to the list. Explain that you were unpleasantly surprised to see that name in the group chat as you would not have agreed to go on the trip if you knew she was invited. Under the circumstances, ask the organizer for your deposit back. Stand your ground, saying that this is no longer the trip you signed up for. If you are unable to get a refund, decide whether you can go anyway and just avoid being with that person, or if you'd rather just forfeit the money.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As we all know, there’s a lot of controversy happening in the world lately, which often makes for heated discussions. The other day, a few neighbors and I were in the common room of our building, talking about some of the maintenance issues we’ve experienced in the building. Out of nowhere, one guy began sharing his thoughts on immigration. I am cordial with my neighbors but not close with any of them. I was completely caught off guard, and so were other people in the room. While I know not all of us share the same views on immigration, I knew at that moment that most of us didn’t even want to broach the topic. What is a respectful way to end these kinds of politically charged conversations? -- Avoiding Politics

DEAR AVOIDING POLITICS: It is OK to speak up in a group like that -- especially with your neighbors -- and ask for that line of discussion to end. You can say: “Let’s agree to keep political topics off the table here. This is a sensitive subject, and I’m sure among us there are many opinions, but this is home. Let’s keep it a safe space by making it a politically neutral zone.”

If he or someone else were to push back, you could push, too, and add that the group was talking about something else before he interjected this unwelcome topic. Similarly, whenever someone introduces a subject that offends you or you don’t want to entertain, be ready to ask them to change the topic. You can do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Nearly a decade ago, my husband was diagnosed with early-onset dementia and has been rapidly declining for the past couple of years. We were in our early 50s when he was diagnosed, and he had apparently been dealing with it for years already.

As things got worse for him, I assumed the role of his caretaker, and the wife in me quickly slipped away. Unfortunately, his health got to a point where we had to put him in a care home. I know this may sound selfish, but after years of feeling alone, I have been contemplating dating again. We are still married, but sadly, my husband is not himself anymore. He has lost his ability to speak and hasn’t recognized me for a long time. Why do I feel like I am betraying him when I consider dating again? -- Wife’s Guilt

DEAR WIFE’S GUILT: You are craving companionship. From what I have read, this can be difficult for caregivers of dementia patients. First, I’d suggest you engage a therapist. Talk through your feelings, and then do what the experts recommend: join a support group to safely express your feelings, talk to family to let them know what you are thinking and make a decision that you can live with that helps you to cope and live your life. This is difficult, as you know. You can expect that some people will judge you on your actions. Get the blessing of your loved ones if you can. That can help you take the steps you need to care for yourself. For more on this: tinyurl.com/yc3hh256.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)