DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been a therapist for over 20 years, and while I’ve found deep meaning in helping others heal, lately the work has become emotionally exhausting. I listen to people’s pain all day, and I can feel it sinking into me. Sometimes I come home completely depleted, with nothing left to give to my own family or myself. I’ve tried taking breaks, going to supervision, even attending therapy myself but the burnout doesn’t seem to lift. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve simply given all I can in this field.

Everyone around me tells me I can’t stop. My clients say I’ve changed their lives. My colleagues tell me I’m one of the most empathetic, insightful therapists they know. Even my friends remind me that I have a “gift” for this work and that walking away would be a loss to the people who depend on me.

I feel torn between my duty to my clients and my own mental health, and I don’t know how to balance the two. Is it selfish to put myself first after years of caring for others? How do I know when it’s truly time to step away, and how do I do it without feeling like I’m letting everyone down? -- Turning Point

DEAR TURNING POINT: Maybe it’s just time to take a break. If you can afford it, take a couple of months off and rejuvenate. If needed, see if you can get disability insurance to pay for the time you don’t work. You may come back feeling energized and ready to get back to work. If not, think about what else you might be able to do workwise if the break needs to be extended.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new friend I met at a workout class suggested we grab lunch together and mentioned it would be her treat. I thought that was really kind, and I was excited to get to know her better outside of class. When the bill came, it sat on the table for a while; neither of us touched it. Eventually, I picked up the check and asked if she wanted to split it, and she said yes immediately. I was caught off guard because she had clearly said beforehand that she wanted to treat me, so I hadn’t expected to pay. It’s not about the money -- I don’t mind paying for myself -- but it left me feeling a little awkward and unsure if I had misunderstood her. Was she just being polite when she offered, or did she forget what she had said?

I don’t want to make things weird by bringing it up, but it’s been bothering me because it felt misleading. Should I just let it go, or is it worth clarifying to avoid confusion in the future? I really enjoyed our conversation and would like to stay friends, but I don’t want small misunderstandings like this to create tension. I’m not sure if I should take this as a red flag about her character or just an innocent miscommunication. -- Unclear

DEAR UNCLEAR: Next time you speak to her, ask her directly what happened. It’s good to clear the air. Tell her that you remember her offering to treat you to lunch and that it felt awkward when she didn’t do that. Emphasize that you are fine with paying your way, but she had set a different expectation. See what she has to say. You want to build friendships with people who are honest.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a very one-sided friendship. My friend has been out of work for an extended period and is suffering as a result. I have gone out of my way to help by setting up a job search online and monitoring it (he has no computer), by occasionally giving him cash when he needs to buy food and by being as supportive as I can.

The other day I wanted to talk to him about some things that are going on with me, and when I asked him to get together to talk, he said he was busy. I got mad and spouted off that it’s not fair that I’m there for him all the time, but he can’t be there for me when I need him. I said all this in a text, and he blew up, accusing me of saying he is taking advantage of me. That is not what I said. I did say that I show up ASAP when he needs me, while he doesn’t seem to have time when I need him. We aren’t speaking now. I can’t figure out how I am the bad guy. I am the one who has had his back for months now. What can I do to repair this friendship? I know he’s suffering and in a vulnerable place, but I deserve attention, too. -- Misunderstanding

DEAR MISUNDERSTANDING: Sometimes when people are in extreme situations like prolonged unemployment and financial distress, they don’t have the capacity to be there for others. Their view of the world can get distorted based on their dire situation. Your friend may be in the position of not being able to be there for you. His retaliatory reaction may be self-preservation.

That doesn’t mean it’s OK; it means you will not likely be able to get your emotional needs fulfilled by him right now. Stop trying.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I see a certain friend of mine, she finds something to criticize about me. Often, she exclaims how big my shoes look. Well, I am tall and have big feet, but I don’t appreciate having that pointed out all the time. I never criticize how she looks. I fear she is anorexic. Every time I see her, I worry that she is killing herself, yet I bite my tongue. She is so frail. Why is it that she feels she has license to poke at me? How can I get her to stop? -- No More Jabs

DEAR NO MORE JABS: Have you ever asked her to stop? She may not know that her comments upset you. Next time she says something that you don’t like, stop her in the moment. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she points out your vulnerabilities. You can add that you never do that to her, but don’t elaborate by speaking of your suspicions. Mentioning someone's big feet is not the same as criticizing someone’s eating disorder.

Separately, if you are concerned about her health, bring up the subject of her weight, and ask her if she thinks she might need help. Tell her you love her and want the best for her and that you are worried that she needs support she may not be getting right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been living in my apartment for over a year, and I really love it: the location, the space, my neighbors and the fact that the rent is so cheap. The only problem is my landlord. Every time I submit a maintenance request, it takes weeks for anything to get fixed. I’ve had leaky faucets, a broken heater in the middle of winter, and now a dishwasher that hasn’t worked for over a month. When I follow up, I either get vague responses or get ignored completely. I’ve tried to be patient and polite, but it’s starting to feel like my concerns don’t matter. I’ve even offered to find my own repairperson and deduct it from rent, but I was told that’s “not allowed.”

I pay my rent on time every month and have never caused any issues, so it’s frustrating to feel like I’m being brushed off. I really don’t want to jeopardize my lease renewal or come across as a “problem tenant,” but this is starting to affect my comfort and peace of mind in a serious way. How can I advocate for myself and push to get these repairs handled promptly without risking my good standing with my landlord or losing an apartment I otherwise love? -- Landlord Concerns

DEAR LANDLORD CONCERNS: Now is the time to get the help of your city. You can call 311 and report your landlord. Have a list handy of all of your issues. Make sure to articulate your concerns clearly and be able to prove that they have not been addressed. Gather any texts or written messages that exist between you and your landlord to serve as proof of your claims.

Sometimes tenants can put their rent in an escrow account, meaning it doesn’t go to the landlord immediately but is withheld and stored in a safe place until repairs are made. Consult a lawyer before taking that step, however. You do have rights. Don’t let your landlord intimidate you. Get help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister-in-law invited me to join her for her bachelorette trip to the Virgin Islands. While I didn’t want to miss out on a trip to the Caribbean, I was a little hesitant because I really don’t know any of her friends. Eventually, she ended up telling me I could bring a plus-one if I’d like. I took her up on her offer and invited a friend of mine who had been telling me how much she needed a getaway. Though we’re close, I had never traveled with this friend either ... and I don’t think I ever will again. She put a damper on the entire trip. She complained about work, the food, the heat, her dog, her co-workers, the sand, the excursions and even her creaky back door back at home.

I felt horrible for bringing this dark cloud to what was supposed to be a fun-filled trip. My sister-in-law reassured me that she still enjoyed herself, but I feel awful! How can I make it up to her? -- Party Pooper

DEAR PARTY POOPER: What a drag. It’s good that you apologized on behalf of your ill-mannered friend. There really is nothing more you can do. Your sister-in-law knows your remorse is heartfelt. Stop bringing it up and let the memory fade.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)