DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is upset with me because I didn’t defend her during a heated argument in a group chat with some of our mutual friends. I didn’t feel I should get involved. The conversation had escalated quickly, and I thought it was better to stay neutral. Now she’s distant and barely responds when I try to reach out.

I feel caught in an awkward position. I want to respect her feelings and rebuild our connection, but I don’t want to apologize for staying out of drama I didn’t feel was mine. I’ve known her for years, and it’s upsetting to see our friendship strained over something that feels like a misunderstanding. I keep replaying the situation in my head, wondering if there was a way I could have handled it differently. Every time I see her in person or in other chats, the tension is palpable, and I hate feeling like we’re drifting apart over something so small. I just don’t want this to become a permanent wedge between us. How do I approach her in a way that shows I care about our friendship, acknowledges her feelings and repairs the trust without making things more awkward or confrontational? -- Broken Friendship

DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP: Contact her and tell her you want to clear the air. Ask if she is willing to talk. Tell her you can see she remains upset about the group chat you both participated in. You can say you are sorry that she is upset with you, but you maintain that that was not a fight you felt you should participate in. Tell her you miss her and hope you can repair your friendship.

Listen to whatever she has to say and respond accordingly. You can reiterate that you are sorry she is hurt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just figured out that my husband is having an affair. She stumbled upon a few text messages on his phone when she answered a call for him. It was innocent enough; she wasn’t snooping, but she did find this incriminating information. Instead of speaking to him, she told me. I did not know that he was involved with someone, though we have been going through some challenges for the past year or so. I need to address this with my husband, but I want to protect my daughter, too. I fear that he will retaliate against her rather than facing up to what he has done. How should I address this? -- An Affair Exposed

DEAR AN AFFAIR EXPOSED: Choose a time to speak with your husband when your daughter is not in the house. Tell him you know about his affair, and ask him to tell you what he wants. Point out that you know things have been strained between you, but until recently you had no idea he was stepping out on you. You two need to address your issues and figure out a way forward. Ask him to respect you enough to do that.

If he pushes back and wants to know how you found out, you can protect your daughter and not tell him about her. If he needs to know how grave the situation is because she also knows, tell him the truth and be sure to give her the heads up, but this really is between you. She should not be involved.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been a therapist for over 20 years, and while I’ve found deep meaning in helping others heal, lately the work has become emotionally exhausting. I listen to people’s pain all day, and I can feel it sinking into me. Sometimes I come home completely depleted, with nothing left to give to my own family or myself. I’ve tried taking breaks, going to supervision, even attending therapy myself but the burnout doesn’t seem to lift. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve simply given all I can in this field.

Everyone around me tells me I can’t stop. My clients say I’ve changed their lives. My colleagues tell me I’m one of the most empathetic, insightful therapists they know. Even my friends remind me that I have a “gift” for this work and that walking away would be a loss to the people who depend on me.

I feel torn between my duty to my clients and my own mental health, and I don’t know how to balance the two. Is it selfish to put myself first after years of caring for others? How do I know when it’s truly time to step away, and how do I do it without feeling like I’m letting everyone down? -- Turning Point

DEAR TURNING POINT: Maybe it’s just time to take a break. If you can afford it, take a couple of months off and rejuvenate. If needed, see if you can get disability insurance to pay for the time you don’t work. You may come back feeling energized and ready to get back to work. If not, think about what else you might be able to do workwise if the break needs to be extended.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new friend I met at a workout class suggested we grab lunch together and mentioned it would be her treat. I thought that was really kind, and I was excited to get to know her better outside of class. When the bill came, it sat on the table for a while; neither of us touched it. Eventually, I picked up the check and asked if she wanted to split it, and she said yes immediately. I was caught off guard because she had clearly said beforehand that she wanted to treat me, so I hadn’t expected to pay. It’s not about the money -- I don’t mind paying for myself -- but it left me feeling a little awkward and unsure if I had misunderstood her. Was she just being polite when she offered, or did she forget what she had said?

I don’t want to make things weird by bringing it up, but it’s been bothering me because it felt misleading. Should I just let it go, or is it worth clarifying to avoid confusion in the future? I really enjoyed our conversation and would like to stay friends, but I don’t want small misunderstandings like this to create tension. I’m not sure if I should take this as a red flag about her character or just an innocent miscommunication. -- Unclear

DEAR UNCLEAR: Next time you speak to her, ask her directly what happened. It’s good to clear the air. Tell her that you remember her offering to treat you to lunch and that it felt awkward when she didn’t do that. Emphasize that you are fine with paying your way, but she had set a different expectation. See what she has to say. You want to build friendships with people who are honest.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a very one-sided friendship. My friend has been out of work for an extended period and is suffering as a result. I have gone out of my way to help by setting up a job search online and monitoring it (he has no computer), by occasionally giving him cash when he needs to buy food and by being as supportive as I can.

The other day I wanted to talk to him about some things that are going on with me, and when I asked him to get together to talk, he said he was busy. I got mad and spouted off that it’s not fair that I’m there for him all the time, but he can’t be there for me when I need him. I said all this in a text, and he blew up, accusing me of saying he is taking advantage of me. That is not what I said. I did say that I show up ASAP when he needs me, while he doesn’t seem to have time when I need him. We aren’t speaking now. I can’t figure out how I am the bad guy. I am the one who has had his back for months now. What can I do to repair this friendship? I know he’s suffering and in a vulnerable place, but I deserve attention, too. -- Misunderstanding

DEAR MISUNDERSTANDING: Sometimes when people are in extreme situations like prolonged unemployment and financial distress, they don’t have the capacity to be there for others. Their view of the world can get distorted based on their dire situation. Your friend may be in the position of not being able to be there for you. His retaliatory reaction may be self-preservation.

That doesn’t mean it’s OK; it means you will not likely be able to get your emotional needs fulfilled by him right now. Stop trying.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I see a certain friend of mine, she finds something to criticize about me. Often, she exclaims how big my shoes look. Well, I am tall and have big feet, but I don’t appreciate having that pointed out all the time. I never criticize how she looks. I fear she is anorexic. Every time I see her, I worry that she is killing herself, yet I bite my tongue. She is so frail. Why is it that she feels she has license to poke at me? How can I get her to stop? -- No More Jabs

DEAR NO MORE JABS: Have you ever asked her to stop? She may not know that her comments upset you. Next time she says something that you don’t like, stop her in the moment. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she points out your vulnerabilities. You can add that you never do that to her, but don’t elaborate by speaking of your suspicions. Mentioning someone's big feet is not the same as criticizing someone’s eating disorder.

Separately, if you are concerned about her health, bring up the subject of her weight, and ask her if she thinks she might need help. Tell her you love her and want the best for her and that you are worried that she needs support she may not be getting right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)