Not all real estate deals go smoothly. Something almost always happens, whether something funny, sad or totally weird.

Like the Oklahoma agent whose clients walked into a half-bath that had wallpaper -- featuring nude women. Luckily, they laughed about it. Or the Texas agent who showed a house with eight big-screen TVs -- all tuned to the same documentary about serial killers. He and his clients left right away and never looked back.

One Florida agent showed clients a house with a floor made of pennies. Unusual, to be sure. And when one California agent and his clients arrived at a showing, they found a pool party underway -- with 10 naked guests. Worse, the agent had called the sellers about the showing ahead of time!

I've been collecting tales like these for years, mostly from Realtor magazine, but also from other sources. Here are some of the better ones.

-- Years ago, Denver property manager Andrew Woodruff was tasked by a client to clean out a foreclosure. When he approached the garage, he noticed a smell "like a sweaty gym," Woodruff told Realtor. When he opened the doors, he found hundreds of pairs of used sneakers in a pile, all tied together by their laces. Goodwill wanted no part of this treasure, so Woodruff dropped them off at the nearest landfill.

-- Woodruff's story reminds me of one of my own. I'd rented out a room, and went to clean it out when the tenant vacated -- only to learn he had left me with hundreds of milk jugs filled with urine. Yuck! I treated them as hazardous waste, pouring the contents into the toilet, then took the empties to the dump. To add injury to insult, on my final trip down the stairs, I missed the last step and broke my ankle.

-- When Mark McNitt of Houston was leading a final walkthrough of a home with an elevator, his clients brought along their three children. The kids insisted on taking the elevator upstairs, promising they knew how to operate it. But the lift never arrived. When the adults heard the moppets screaming, they discovered that the elevator was stuck between floors: The kids had pushed all the buttons and tripped a safety switch. After a few minutes, the controls reset and the children were safely returned to the first floor.

-- Florida agent Stephen Falor attended a strange closing when he worked in Ohio. His clients showed up late, the husband dressed in tight shorts and the wife in a miniskirt and a see-through top. Upon arrival, she moved silently around the meeting room with extended arms, then walked out.

Turns out they wanted to cancel the sale because "the aura in the room wasn't right," said Falor. After the couple was told what would happen if they refused to move forward, they closed the next day -- "but not before the wife did one last circle around the table." This time, the aura was just fine.

-- Oklahoma agent Norma McKiddy went for the ride of her life at a listing presentation. When she started up the stairs, the sellers' huge Great Dane bound up behind her, darted through her legs and carried her like a jockey up and away. She yelled "Save me!", which the owner laughingly did. She eventually nailed the listing.

-- Florida agent Lilli Schipper recalls the time she was showing a house and the visitors' daughter used the master bedroom floor to do her "business." The mother cleaned up the mess without a word -- or an apology -- and the family hotfooted out of the house, never to be heard from again.

-- When Raleigh, North Carolina, agent Doreen Mathis and her clients arrived at one house, they were met by a man with "stringy, unwashed hair" who was excited to see them. So excited, in fact, that Mathis and her buyers felt a tad uneasy. She soon knew why: In the living room was a makeshift doghouse with "Killer" painted on it in drippy red letters, and in the bedroom were enlarged photos of three female heads, circled in red marker.

Starting to panic, the three quickly left -- followed closely by the man, who suddenly shoved the agent to the floor and said, "You have two seconds to get out of here."

-- When showing a waterfront property, Nancy Freiburger of Ocean Island, North Carolina, and her clients fell off the dock and into the lake. But her clients wanted to continue to look at houses, so they did -- soaking wet.

Every agent has a story or two like these. And some have heartening tales like Suzanne Menendez-Herbst's:

About two years ago, the California agent landed a client whose mother had recently passed away. She helped him clean up his mom's house to get it ready for sale. When her client took sick, Menendez-Herbst took him the hospital; when he needed special food, she'd bring it to him.

He later moved to another state, yet he continues to keep in touch and send the agent small gifts. Once he even had a pizza delivered to her house.

"We are not just transactional agents; we are an industry of caring professionals who want to make a positive impact on people's lives," Menendez-Herbst told Realtor. "Our clients become like family and remain a part of our lives in so many ways."

Some people rescue dogs from the pound. Anna Kruchten rescued hers from a real estate transaction.

The Phoenix broker had sold a client's house to someone who also wanted the seller's dog. The seller agreed. After all, everything is negotiable in real estate. Everything!

Somewhere along the line, though, the buyer changed his mind, and the seller couldn't take the pooch with him. So Kruchten stepped in to save the day. "He's been the best commission ever," she posted in a recent ActiveRain discussion. "Been seven years now, and little Barney is the sweetest pup."

Sometimes, though, sellers simply leave their animals behind, forcing the buyer to deal with them after the fact. In more than one instance, Mike Cooper, a broker in Winchester, Virginia, has had sellers leave a cat or two for their buyers. "Fortunately," he reports, "in each case the buyers were good sports" and still have the felines five years later.

In other cases, the deal can fall through. Or almost. Debb Janes of ViewHomes in Camas, Washington, once had a seller who demanded the buyer adopt his cat because he was moving overseas. But the buyer balked.

A friend of the seller ultimately agreed to take the cat, Janes reported, and the sale proceeded.

Even when sellers take their pets with them, the odors left behind can be tough to deal with. Indeed, animal smells turn off most would-be buyers.

Pet owners tend to be immune to their pets' smells because they have been living with them for so long. But there's an old adage in real estate: "If it smells, it won't sell."

In most cases, people allow their animals the run of the house. And sometimes, dogs and cats mark their territories with, well, you know, leaving behind pungent odors and unsightly stains. Sharon Sigman of RE/MAX in Leawood, Kansas, says that if your place has suffered pet damage, it may be devalued in the marketplace.

"The only cure is taking action to eliminate the problem before your home goes on the market," she warns.

To that end, here's Sigman's checklist for pet owners.

-- Pet odors come mostly from fur and dander, so don't allow cats or dogs to sleep on couches, chairs, beds or carpet, even if you've permitted it in the past. Instead, provide them with beds of their own. But make sure to remove the beds -- and your pets -- during showings. There's no need to advertise that you have animals.

-- Keep your beasts bathed and groomed so they don't add anything more to the existing aroma.

-- Get to work removing troublesome stains. There are numerous products available; seek advice from your local pet or hardware store. Hospital supply companies are also good sources for heavy-duty stain removal and odor control products. If nothing you try does the trick, call in a professional cleaning service.

-- Vacuum daily with a carpet deodorizer, and do the same just before showings, if you have enough warning. Change your vacuum's bags (if applicable) more frequently than usual. Also, pull back the drapes and open the windows for some fresh air; a closed-up home tends to hold more odors.

-- This one is worth saying again: Remove your animals during showings. If buyers spot a pet, they'll be on the lookout for stains and odors, whereas if they don't, they'll view the home more objectively.

It may be necessary to board your animals. But if that's the only way to keep them from soiling your freshly cleaned -- or replaced -- carpets, then do so. Put food bowls and litter boxes out of sight, too.

-- In some markets, stains and odors that can't be removed must be disclosed to would-be purchasers. If you don't, you could be liable.

If you aren't sure about the damage your pet has caused, rent or purchase a black light to shine on your floors. The results could be surprising, and will help you decide whether to clean or replace the carpet.

-- If you are unable or unwilling to replace damaged carpet or flooring, offer to return a certain amount of money to the buyer at closing to cover the cost. But since buyers tend to exaggerate the cost of repairs, come prepared with a couple of estimates from professionals.

Remember, if your home doesn't pass the sniff -- or stain -- test, it will adversely affect the way agents and buyers perceive your home. Some agents insist on showing only pristine houses. If word gets around that your place stinks, there will likely be fewer showings and a decline in your home's value.

On the flip side, pet ownership increased during the pandemic, pushing pet-friendly properties and communities to the forefront for many would-be buyers. According to design firm Mary Cook Associates, features like dog-washing stations are now highly sought.

According to the National Association of Realtors, 43% of pet owners would consider moving to accommodate their animals, and 29% of likely first-time buyers picked neighborhoods with their pets in mind -- prioritizing outdoor space and proximity to a veterinarian.

Pet owners want fenced yards, reports NAR Economist Jessica Lautz, and are likely to take flooring types into account, with a preference for easy-to-clean hardwoods. Some even want mud rooms or cat litter closets.

If you think the slog of going out week after week to find a house, and then beat competitors, is a marathon, get ready for the sprint.

Once a seller accepts your offer, the clock starts ticking on all the things you must do to be ready for settlement. Failure to meet any of the deadlines outlined in the sales contract could result in not only losing the house, but possibly your deposit.

If your contract has a "time is of the essence" clause, it is a notice to both parties that failure to complete a required performance by a date set forth in the contract will constitute an incurable breach. And real estate contracts are full of timelines.

The numerous chores that lie ahead include applying for and securing financing, obtaining homeowners insurance, obtaining and reviewing homeowner or condominium association documents and scheduling an independent inspection. You may even be required to make a second deposit by a certain date.

Many agents give their clients a list of timeline contingencies that must be met, so you should begin setting up appoints right away.

Sometimes, though, agents drop the ball, leaving the seller's agent to pick up the baton. Most may gripe a bit that they have to do the other side's job, but they usually do so to preserve the deal and save their commissions.

That's what happened to broker Tammie White of Franklin (Tennessee) Homes Realty some years back. Beset with title issues, the seller twice asked for extensions. But during both add-ons, not a word was heard from the seller's agent, White posted on ActiveRain back then. So her client found another house.

Only the day after the broker notified the seller's agent that her client wanted his deposit back did the agent tell White his client was ready to close. Too late. The deal was dashed. Later in the same week, it happened again, only this time White was working on behalf of the seller, and the buyer had missed the deadline for signing a repair amendment.

Completion dates are not suggestions, nor are they "guidelines" that can be bent or broken. "They are designed to protect buyers and sellers," White advised. "They shouldn't be neglected or left to expire. All parties must be aware of the dates and make sure the corresponding documents have been properly signed. When they have not, you may wake up to realize that the contract is null and void."

All contracts are different, and none of this should be taken as legal advice. But as an example of how this can work, the standard contract in Pennsylvania allows a seller five days from the end of the inspection clause to respond. So if a buyer submits an addendum with their demands on the ninth day of a 10-day deadline, the seller has six days to reply.

Most states contain at least one milestone. But at least one, Massachusetts, has two key deadlines. Here, according to broker Matt Dolan of Sagan Harborside Sotheby's International Realty in Marblehead, the two-step process involves an accepted offer, followed by an inspection and then a purchase and sales contract that's a more detailed version of the offer.

One of the most troublesome deadlines has to do with the inspection contingency. Although any number of days can be written into the contract, buyers typically have seven to 10 days to find an inspector, receive the report and notify the seller of what repairs, if any, are being requested. (Unless stated otherwise, "days" usually means calendar days, not business days.)

If the buyers miss the deadline, they likely would be required to proceed with the transaction, even if the inspection reveals major issues that the buyers really do not want to contend. Either that or, if they decide not to proceed with the sale, they could lose their entire earnest money deposit.

Now let's say you've had the inspection and handed over a list of items you want the seller to repair, all within the allotted time frame. At this point, the seller has however many days written into the contract to respond. The work doesn't have to be performed within that period; rather, the reply is about whether the seller agrees to have the repairs done by the closing date.

Perhaps the seller will agree to do all the work the buyers request, or maybe just some of it. Maybe they'll agree to set aside a certain amount at closing to cover the costs so the buyers can get the work done at their leisure. Or perhaps they'll say no to everything. Then it's back to the buyers to decide how they want to proceed, again within the contract specified time limit. It all makes for a rather hectic couple of weeks.

Applying for financing is another key deadline. Applications must be submitted within the time stated in the contract, and a lender's approval must be received within so many days afterward. Realize, though, that the lender won't order an appraisal until the inspection back-and-forth is resolved.

But if you miss the mortgage application deadline, the seller could accept an offer from someone else. And they could keep your deposit as compensation for taking their place off the market while waiting for you to fulfill your end of the bargain.

Although obtaining homeowners insurance is typically not part of the sales contract, it is a lender requirement that must be met prior to closing or the closing will be delayed. You should be reminded of this by your agent or loan officer. But don't drop the ball, even if they do: Call your insurer as soon as you can to get things rolling.

The seller is responsible for providing HOA documents within a certain time -- again, as outlined in the contract. And then the buyers have so many days to review the papers. If the buyers find something objectionable, they can back out. But if they missed their deadline, they could be forced to move the sale along.

Finally, there's the closing date, the day everyone should be shooting for to sign all the necessary papers and transfer the keys to the new owners. That date is subject to negotiation, but once agreed upon and written into the contract, it should be your target.

Closing can always be pushed back a few days by mutual consent. But if you haven't dotted all your I's and crossed all your T's, you could be stuck with a truck full of furniture and a car full of kids with nowhere to go.