Real estate markets are red-hot for many home sellers across the nation. But frustrated and outbid, some wannabe buyers are moving to the sidelines. Still others remain unwavering in their pursuit and ultimately prevail.

Take the case of a married couple of engineers in their early 30s who teleworked from their rented apartment through much of the pandemic. Their dogged determination to buy a detached house with a yard in suburban Boston was rewarded one recent Sunday.

“This couple persevered through a torrential downpour and high winds to reach an open house for a nice three-bedroom colonial that had just hit the market. They were desperate to move and refused to let terrible weather stop them,” says Richard Rosa, the real estate broker who represented the pair.

By seizing the day and writing a generous offer immediately, the engineers beat out other would-be purchasers unwilling to make the trek through the storm.

“Due to historically low inventory, many properties in our area are getting up to 15 or more offers above list price. But because of the bad weather, this couple had to outdo only two other bidders to get the place they wanted,” Rosa says.

According to the National Association of Realtors (nar.realtor), home sales slipped slightly for the fourth straight month in May. Some young couples are expecting housing price increases to slow in coming months, while others have tired of the relationship stress that comes with trying to buy a home in an ultra-competitive market.

But Rosa, the president-elect of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org), questions whether it makes sense for renters to wait out the current home-buying market.

“Even as more inventory becomes available, the most you can expect is a leveling off of prices. This isn’t like the Great Recession, when so many homes were available that buyers used spreadsheets to compare their options,” Rosa says.

He contends that most couples who are steadfast in their quest to buy a home will eventually reach their goal, assuming they’re patient and attempt to stay calm and focused.

Here are a few pointers for couples facing tough home-buying trade-offs:

-- Yield on the notion that either partner has all the right answers.

Real estate agents often observe battles fought between spouses trying to agree on home selection. And often, amidst the bickering, they hear one partner assert that the other is mistaken in expressing his or her preferences.

“A lot of times clients don’t realize how stubborn and self-righteous they can get about what they consider the best place to live,” says Mark Nash, a real estate analyst and author of “1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home.”

Nash urges couples planning a purchase to go through a methodical process of setting priorities before they venture into house-hunting.

“As a first step, each partner should sit down alone to draft a list of their own wishes in a home. Only then should they get together to create a joint list -- one that reflects the factors most valued by each person,” Nash says.

But what if both spouses are unclear about what they’re seeking in a home? One method of gaining focus is to “go negative.” List all the things you dislike about the place where you now live; then flip these to reveal what you want most.

For instance, suppose you abhor the noise and fumes associated with the traffic that rumbles through your neighborhood. Reverse that and see how important it is that you choose a home on a quiet, dead-end street or a cul-de-sac.

-- Seek help from your agent to iron out differences.

Some would-be purchasers, especially those planning to buy in high-cost areas, struggle to reach agreement on how best to allocate their scarce dollars. In such situations, each partner should focus not only on their priorities but also the trade-offs they could accept, says Merrill Ottwein, a broker who specializes in relocation.

Agents aren’t marriage counselors, and they can’t be expected to resolve irreconcilable differences between spouses. But they can help mediate conversations that help couples settle minor disputes.

“A good agent will ask penetrating questions, encouraging the buyers to reach their own conclusions,” Ottwein says.

-- Give yourselves extra home shopping time if your marriage is young.

Obviously, people who’ve been married for many years know a lot more about each other than do those who began living together just a few weeks or months. Therefore, they’ll need to deliberate longer to ensure that both partners’ views are taken into account when a home is chosen.

“People who’ve just gotten remarried after many years of living alone should be extra wary about misjudging a partner. Your spouse may have developed some very strong predilections through the years,” Ottwein says.

You may need several long conversations—or perhaps even a getaway weekend -- to reach agreement on the best housing choice for both of you.

“It’s vastly better to hash out your differences before picking a property than to make a choice your spouse despises, which could lead to many quarrels later,” he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

Sheri Koones is a best-selling author of books on real estate. For more than 20 years, she and her businessman husband relished life in their 6,800-square-foot Mediterranean-style property in a plush suburb of Greenwich, Connecticut.

“It was a fabulous house -- a great gathering place for family and friends,” Koones says.

But after the couple’s two children finished college and moved away to become chefs, they chose to let go of the place they adored, moving to a 1,700-square-foot home in a walkable section of downtown Greenwich. 
Downsizing from the family home, with its five large bedrooms, was a massive undertaking. This involved the sale or donation of many fine furnishings and other accumulations, including more than 1,000 books.

“We let go of 90% of everything we owned,” Koones says. 
Still, the couple are thrilled with their new life in the much smaller in-town property.

“We never had a moment’s regret; we’re happier than ever,” says Koones, who documented the couple’s moving adventure in her book “Downsize: Living Large in a Small House.”

Though the pandemic is easing across America, life with COVID-19 restrictions convinced many young families that big houses are better, especially with parents teleworking and kids spending more time at home. Indeed, many millennials are moving to outer suburbs or rural areas where large properties are more affordable.

But Koones insists that despite the pandemic, a minority of boomers -- born between 1946 and 1964 -- have retained a preference for the simplicity of small-house living. These are often empty nesters moving to city settings or retirement communities.

“There’s a great reshuffling going on,” says Susan Daimler, president of Zillow, a national real estate company.

Of course, not all downsizers are making voluntary moves. A fair number are leaving their large properties due to health or financial issues. But whether a move is voluntary or not, it can evoke bittersweet memories that delay the purging necessary for a move.

“Procrastinators have a hard time making decisions. They’re afraid they’ll regret getting rid of something, so they just let it sit,” says Claire Middleton, author of “The Sentimental Person’s Guide to Decluttering.”

Donna Leanos, a veteran real estate agent, recommends that downsizers consider hiring a firm that specializes in assisting with smooth transitions. Known as “move managers,” such companies offer downsizers a package of services. They help cull through the sellers’ possessions and arrange for the sale or donation of valuables. They also help handle the logistics of the move.

Assuming you can afford it, Leanos says it’s often easier to rely on a move manager than to turn to relatives for help.

How can you find a move manager in your area? One way is through the website of the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers: nasmm.org.

Those who need less extensive help to downsize might wish to use the services of a professional organizer -- if only to help develop a step-by-step action plan. A local organizer can be found through the National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals (napo.net).

Here are a few pointers for those downshifting their housing:

-- Get started as early as possible.

Donna Eichelberger, who heads a move management firm for seniors, says many of her clients wait until their early 80s to make plans for a move. At that point, a health crisis can force the need to relocate on an urgent basis.

“Often, it’s a fall down the stairs that compels people to make an urgent move to a retirement community or an assisted-living facility,” Eichelberger says.

She says the most successful downsizers are those who anticipate the need to move well in advance of a possible health crisis.

“The happiest people are the ones who embrace change rather than resisting it,” according to Eichelberger.

-- Allow sufficient time for the home-editing process.

Vicki Norris, a former real estate agent and professional organizer, says it can take up to 24 work hours to declutter the average-sized room. To avoid becoming sidetracked, she says many home sellers need allies.

“(I)t’s good to have people there to keep your move in perspective and perhaps to lend some humor to the situation,” says Norris, author of “Restoring Order to Your Home.”

Are you unable to afford professional services for your move? If so, Norris suggests you request that friends come by to at least lend moral support.

-- Query family members about items they’d like to keep.

Older downsizers often hang onto nostalgic items they believe their grown children might want “someday.” But Norris says many parents believe their offspring will want many more things than they do -- including their childhood storybooks and grade-school art.

Norris suggests that downsizers ask grown children what items they value.

-- Create a memory book with photos of your place.

When Norris’ baby-boom-age parents retired and put their family home up for sale, they did so voluntarily. Even so, they found it emotionally thorny to let go of a residence where they’d lived for 28 years.

Still, the process of downsizing was eased after their listing agent gave them a book of photos showing all their rooms and furnishings just as they looked before the home was staged for sale.

“That way they were able to seal their memories --including how the dining room table looked when their whole extended family came over for Thanksgiving dinners,” Norris says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

After plugging in their home address to online real estate websites such as Zillow or Redfin, many homeowners feel elated and house-rich. After all, the value of their property as estimated by these companies has likely skyrocketed in recent months.

But for those hoping to sell and move, the euphoria wears off quickly after they’ve scouted alternative places to own, given the scarcity of available options.

"Inventories are extremely tight now, making it tough to find a suitable property. Then, due to the buying frenzy, many purchasers face a bunch of other bidders. This forces them to make snap decisions without much forethought," says Keith Gumbinger, a vice president at HSH Associates, which tracks mortgage markets throughout the country.

In areas with overheated markets, Gumbinger says some owners are rethinking plans to sell. Instead, they’re opting to refinance their property and take cash out to renovate their home more to their liking.

"These folks debated long and hard whether to move or improve, and they’re choosing to improve. They don’t relish having their house torn apart for a major renovation. But that makes more sense to them than an expensive move," he says.

Marc Zitelman, a veteran mortgage broker, says many equity-rich owners who are opting to improve rather than move fall into the boomer population cohort, born between 1946 and 1964.

For instance, Zitelman tells the true story of a couple in their 60s -- a special education teacher married to a sales executive -- who abandoned plans to move in favor of a large-scale remodeling project for their four-bedroom colonial.

"Their two kids are grown and through college, so they don’t really need the extra space. Yet they’ve decided on a complete remodeling of their kitchen and bathrooms, plus a rebuilding of their deck," he says.

Two sets of numbers are prompting some older owners to renovate rather than sell and buy a different property.

"At this point in time, prices have gone up more than mortgage rates have gone down," says Zitelman, who’s worked in the home finance field for more than 20 years.

Many owners with good credit scores and solid jobs can qualify for a home equity line of credit, also known as a HELOC. This is a revolving loan that lets borrowers tap their equity at a rate lower than through a credit card. Still, Gumbinger says prospective remodelers can access even lower-cost funds through a cash-out mortgage refinance.

"As always, it’s smart to shop around before you apply for any kind of home financing. If you’re refinancing, one good place to start is with the lender who currently holds your mortgage," he says.

Here are a few pointers for those intent on a cash-out refi:

-- Investigate your credit situation before starting the refinance process.

A major factor limiting mortgage market access involves what Gumbinger calls a "a severe deterioration of credit." This could result from late payments on your mortgage or a delinquent student loan.

The most common indicators of creditworthiness used by mortgage lenders involve credit scores. Lenders assume that the higher your score, the less risk you represent to those who lend you money.

Credit scores typically range between 300 and 850, and if you rank low that could severely hinder your chance of refinancing to a lower rate.

Still, Gumbinger says many owners with a few credit blemishes are actually surprised to find that their scores are higher than expected.

Under federal law, consumers have free access to credit reports on a yearly basis through annualcreditreport.com. Alternatively, you can purchase credit reports and score information through the three major credit bureaus: TransUnion, Experian and Equifax, or by going to the website of Fair Isaac Corp. (myfico.com).

"If you know your numbers, you’re less likely to get bamboozled into paying too much to refinance," he says.

-- Look for lenders who process loans in a timely way.

"Within reason, I would leave no stone unturned in looking for the right place to refinance," Gumbinger says.

Some owners are comfortable using a lender from a faraway state that they’ve found online. But Gumbinger says those who are anxious about the process are often more at ease with a nearby lender.

"It’s important to realize that rates are quite uniform throughout the country. So you’re not necessarily going to get a better deal from a lender in a distant location. In addition, you’ll probably have a happier customer service situation locally," Gumbinger says.

One obvious way to search for a customer-friendly lender is to ask friends, neighbors or colleagues about companies they’ve used. Or you can seek out referrals from the real estate agent who sold you your current home. Agents usually keep a short list of lenders whom they’ve found reliable.

-- Take advantage of online mortgage calculators.

Gumbinger is a big fan of the online information available to mortgage hunters.

Nowadays, there’s no need to rely on the lender to give you the data you need to compare mortgage options. You can use online calculators to adjust for different factors, including the amount borrowed and the full term (duration) of the loan.

One of many websites offering free online calculators is that of Gumbinger’s firm, HSH Associates (hsh.com). Another popular site for refinance information is bankrate.com.

"Calculators are great for comparing various refinance scenarios," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)