DEAR NATALIE:  I just found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me for the past three months with a “close” friend of mine. I am LIVID. I don’t know what to do. My friend and I are no longer speaking, and my boyfriend thinks this will blow over, as he has promised not to see her anymore. He is being all apologetic but I am so over it. I don’t believe him, anyway. We share an apartment and I want to move all of my stuff out, but my friends said I should trash his stuff and throw away his favorite clothes/ shoes/ movies/ etc. They even said I should key his car. What do you think? —I AM SO MAD

DEAR I AM SO MAD: Before you turn this into a Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats” video, take a breath. And then another. While trashing his things may feel good in the moment, it won’t change what he did. You need to decide what you want to do. Two choices: You figure it out together or you dump him immediately. If this was me, I would be more inclined to leave him. If he’s willing to cheat on you with a “friend,” who knows what else he is capable of. The truth is, the lying is worse than the actual cheating. If he could look into your eyes, lie to your face for three solid months, that just shows what little care or concern he has for other people. He’s selfish and only concerned about his own happiness. You don’t want to set a precedent where you are allowing this bad behavior. Drop him like a bad habit. And make him move out. Why should you have to couch-hop when he was the one that started this mess in the first place? Next.

DEAR NATALIE: Why is it when I want my boyfriend to do something that I want to do, he comes up with a million excuses not to go, but he expects me to attend every work function and party that arises for him? This doesn’t seem fair. Last week, there was an arts festival in town, and I thought it would be fun. He didn’t think so, but later in the week he asked me to go with him to a work dinner! When I said “No,” we got into a big fight because he claims I don’t support him. Isn’t support a two-way street? —NOT BUDGING

DEAR NOT BUDGING: Often in relationships, we think everything should be a 50/ 50 split, but in reality, it rarely is. Sometimes you give 90%, and they give 10 and vice versa. However, when it seems like you are always giving and it always feels as though they are taking, it is time to reassess the relationship. His interest in work-related functions to help serve him and his career are not surprising and even understandable. But, when you mentioned doing something fun, like an arts festival, and he wasn’t interested, it makes me wonder if it is really because of work stuff or he just can’t be bothered unless it is about him. He is acting really self-absorbed. You are both in this relationship together. Stick to your guns on this one. Either he needs to make more time for the things that you want to do together outside of work functions, or he can go to the events solo. And while we’re on this topic of reassessing dynamics, look at the rest of the relationship, too. Is he selfish in other areas? Expects you to do for him but doesn’t give in return? Is he thoughtless or careless in his behavior? Take note of the bigger picture and decide what kind of relationship and partner you want. Sometimes, it’s not enough to love somebody if you don’t have the same vision of the future.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Having a one-on-one meeting with a potential future employer? Do your research. Learn about the company as well as the position you are interested in. Smile, be polite and be on time (or 10 minutes early for good measure!)

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My relationship of three years has just fallen apart. My partner moved out last night, and I am so upset. She claims she fell in love with another woman. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. She just packed her stuff up while I was at work and left. What do I do? I want to get her back but she seems over me. I’m so so so so so so sad. —BROKEN HEARTED

DEAR BROKEN HEARTED: I can’t even imagine coming home to this. I am so sorry. There was clearly a disconnect between the two of you that started long before she decided to move out. Think back. What were some of the possible signs? Were you intimate less frequently? Was she making up excuses not to see you? Were your fights becoming more frequent or were you just drifting apart? While you may feel blindsided in the moment, take time to reflect. Sometimes, we see what we want to see when we are in love. It wasn’t nice of her to run out on you like she did, but she may have had her reasons. Maybe she was afraid to confront you. Maybe she had been having an affair and didn’t want to admit it. It could have been easier for her just to leave. Whatever the reason is, you have two options. You can either accept it and let it be or you can continue to pursue her until she at least decides to talk to you to clear the air. But the truth of it is, if she wanted to be with you, she would be. I have to ask you: If someone treats you like this, walks out on you without explanation and throws away three years like it meant nothing, why are you trying to win them back? You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. See a therapist, work through this. Start over. Start with yourself. Reconnect to what it is that you want from your life and what you want from a partner. Time will heal, but do the work.

DEAR NATALIE: I just started dating this new guy, Steve. I really like him. We met through a mutual friend and really hit it off. The problem is, I went to a party with him the other night and his stupid, drunk friend was hitting on me. It made me really uncomfortable. He was being disgusting, saying gross things and then tried to kiss me. I didn’t tell Steve what happened, but now he wants to go out as a group again with this friend next weekend. I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to tell him why. Should I just make up an excuse and tell him I’m sick, or something? —GROSSED OUT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Tell Steve what happened. You don’t have to lie. Ask yourself why you don’t want to tell him. Are you worried he will side with his disgusting friend? If he does, better to know the truth about Steve’s views early on than later in the relationship. I remember when I just started dating my now-husband and one of his friends called me a derogatory name. My husband dropped him like a hot potato the next day. It made me swoon that much more because I knew he had my back. You deserve to be with someone who can stand up for you and for what is right. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Reach out to your social butterfly friends for help expanding your network. Not everyone is extroverted or wants to be, but networking is a proven way to enhance your professional life. Ask your friends who “seem to know everyone” who you should connect with. Have them do an “e-introduction” and take it from there. You may be surprised as to what blossoms from just asking.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I recently went out with this great guy and we had a wonderful first date. But then, he didn’t call me or follow up. I sent him a few text messages, but he never responded. I was out recently and literally ran into him in the grocery store. He acted all offended that I had never returned his text messages. I said to him, “I never got them.” But he didn’t believe me. I tried to show him on my phone but he acted like he didn’t even care and walked away. I was really frustrated. I really liked him and I thought he liked me. Why wouldn’t he give it a second chance? --TEXT MESS

DEAR TEXT MESS: This is why text messages make me crazy. Sometimes they do genuinely get lost in the great text cloud in the sky. Other times, I think people say they didn’t see it, but that’s a lie. In any case, if you do believe that he did reach out and you didn’t receive it, you could try reaching out one more time. But this time, I would call. Yes, actually call him. If he doesn’t pick up, you could leave a real voice message. He may not even listen to it, or have his voicemail activated on his phone, but if you really like the guy, it could be worth the try. My only hesitation, however, is the way he acted when you tried to defend yourself. His poutiness doesn’t bode well for how he handles anything that doesn’t work out perfectly. Take this into consideration before contacting him. If he can’t deal with a text mess, what other messes is he unable to handle?

DEAR NATALIE: We were invited to two high school graduation parties in the neighborhood this summer, but for different reasons could not make either one. In each case we sent a nice card with a nice note and a nice check. It took the first girl about six weeks to send a thank you note. The second girl never did send one. Question: Are kids these days ungrateful, lazy, feel like if they can’t text a thank you why bother, poorly parented, or a combination of all four? --A MEMBER OF THE GREAT UNTHANKED

DEAR A MEMBER OF THE GREAT UNTHANKED: I was raised in a home where you wrote thank you notes immediately after your birthday/ holiday/ graduation/ whatever the occasion. To this day, I send thank you notes because I feel as though my mom will somehow know if I don’t. So, I do think part of this is upbringing. If you weren’t raised to do it, if your parent or guardian didn’t sit you down and make you do it as a kid, it probably didn’t become a habit. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t really teach “niceties” like this, and texting has become the new way of communicating. I’m sorry you didn’t receive a much-deserved thank you. I always appreciate a note in the mail after I give someone a gift, or at the very least, an email acknowledging that they received it. While six weeks is a long time, at least you received one. On the other case of never receiving one: Rather than following up to see if she liked the present, which might trigger something in her to send a thank you, I would just let it go. While annoying, I don’t really know what else you can do unless you want to shame her into sending one, in which case, the thank you is tainted. I’m not trying to speak for all of us, but many of us do send thank you notes, and do appreciate it when our gifts are acknowledged. We do respect the rules of etiquette, but for others, not so much. I guess it really is a 50/ 50 shot!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Volunteer to work the networking event if you are shy. This way, you will definitely meet people who are “important” to the event, as well as meet many more in attendance. Because you are working the event, you may more easily start conversations, especially if you work at check-in.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)