DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I have known each other for over ten years. We met in college and just clicked on every level. I was out with a few of our other friends from college the other night to catch up. I hadn’t seen these girls in years. We were having such a great time until one of them said to me, “So, we always wanted to know how you forgave Diana.” I was totally confused. I asked them what they meant. My friends just looked at each other completely confused. I asked again and finally they shared that Diana had been cheating with my boyfriend through most of our junior and senior year in college. I was totally blown away. We broke up because I thought he was cheating, but could never prove it. Diana even comforted me through all of that! I have no idea what to do. I am sick and disgusted that I have been friends with such a liar for so long. She doesn’t know that I know. How do I bring it up? I am so angry! Do you think this will destroy our friendship? -BACKSTABBED BY BESTIE

DEAR BACKSTABBED BY BESTIE: I would not be able to carry on this charade knowing that she cheated with my boyfriend and then pretended to comfort me to my face. Regardless of what you decide to do with your friendship, you have to confront this situation. Imagine if you don’t. Every time you are with her, everything she says to you will be questioned in your mind. What else has she lied to you about over the years? I would speak plainly about this and just let her know what your mutual friends told you. Give her the opportunity to defend herself. Many people may say, “Oh, let it go. It was a long time ago.” While I agree to a point, this speaks to her character and you deserve to hear it from her. Then, you can decide whether or not the friendship is worth saving. She can’t be surprised if it takes a lot for you to bounce back from this level of betrayal. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband went on a bit of a health journey during COVID and has lost (and kept off!) almost 80 pounds. He feels great, looks great and has had my support every step of the way. We have both struggled with our weight over the years. I would like to lose about 50 pounds. I usually lose some, gain it back and then it’s a cycle. I kind of gave up during the pandemic. I was inspired watching him but couldn’t bring myself to workout or eat healthier meals. The only reason I did lose a little weight at one point was because he took charge of the cooking. He’s been on my case lately about getting in shape. He says that while he loves me, he isn’t “attracted to me right now.” He claims it isn’t my weight, but because I am lazy. None of this ever bothered him when he was fat. We had a great love life. Now I feel all of this pressure, which is making it even harder for me to get motivated. I think he thinks he is being supportive, but I just want to scream. I want my old partner back – the one that didn’t care about my weight and loved me, anyway. What can I do?

–UNHAPPILY MARRIED

DEAR UNHAPPILY MARRIED: The first thing needing addressed is certainly not your weight – but his behavior towards you. The fact that you both were having fun together romantically before he lost weight leads me to believe that this has more to do with his perception of how he feels about himself and not as much about you. The projection of calling you “lazy” may be something he felt about himself when he weighed more. Now that he has lost weight, is that a way for him to keep it off? By criticizing himself inwardly and you outwardly? It may work in the short term, but he may find that even he is unable to live up to the pressures he is putting on himself. This comes down to how you feel about yourself and where those thoughts originate from. If you want to lose weight for you – and can do so with support from your doctor and your husband – then go for it. Ask your husband to cook for you both. Walk together after dinner or early in the morning before you start your day. Perhaps join a gym or download a fitness app. I’m not a doctor, so I won’t speak to weight loss from a physical or medical perspective. Before you do anything, you will want to chat with your doctor so that you can take care of yourself along this journey. I’m sorry that your husband is being unkind to you. He needs to turn the mirror around and look at himself and hear his own words. Please let him know how he is hurting you, how what he is saying doesn’t motivate you and what you need from him as his wife and partner. Working on your health together is a great goal, but having him degrade you so that he can feel better about himself will only create a divide between you that may not be mended over time. I doubt that is what he wants. If it is too painful to share with him out loud, write him a letter. You deserve to have your feelings heard. Good luck to you both.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My mom died recently and I was going through her things at her home, trying to clean up so that I can get the house ready for sale. I came across a box of letters hidden in the back of her hall closet. They were from another woman and they looked like love letters. My mom was married (unhappily) for many years to my dad, who was a passive, sweet man. He died ten years ago. My mom never dated or remarried. Finding these letters was like giving me a little glimpse into this whole other person I never knew. I know who the person is that sent them to her. I was wondering if I should reach out to her and let her know that my mom died. They had been friends when I was a kid, but they had a falling out. I wonder now if this was a case of unrequited love. I feel incredibly sad for my mother, having never had the chance to live authentically. Should I let her “friend” know that she passed? She doesn’t live in the same state as us, so she may not be aware, as my mother was 80 years old and did not have social media. Thoughts? -LOST LOVE LETTERS

DEAR LOST LOVE LETTERS: If you know who this woman is, reaching out to let her know that your mother passed would be a nice thing to do. Who knows why they stopped speaking, but she may need to have some sense of closure – regardless of the nature of their relationship. Maybe this romance was one-sided? Maybe your mother didn’t feel the same way. Or maybe she did. She took those secrets to the grave, and while you may be curious, it isn’t your place to ask about the letters. Connect with her, let her know what happened and then step back. People grieve in their own way and it seems like there was a lot lost between them in this lifetime.   

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter’s boyfriend was kicked out of his house by his father who is a raging alcoholic. It was so bad that the poor kid was sleeping at a local shelter. My daughter is beside herself and wants him to stay with us for the foreseeable future. They are 15-years-old and while I have tremendous empathy for his situation, I don’t think it is a good idea to have hormonal teens who are “in love” staying under the same roof. They are both really good kids, but it’s the temptation of it all that worries me. At the same time, how can I just lock him out of here when he has nowhere to go? His closest relative is his grandmother who lives about 30 minutes away. It seems unfair that he would have to move schools and everything because of his abusive father. Any ideas on what to do?

–CONCERNED MOTHER

DEAR CONCERNED MOTHER: While it is not your responsibility to take care of your daughter’s boyfriend, it is a beautiful thing to see that you care about his welfare. If his grandmother doesn’t know what has happened, you may want to contact her. There could be another solution. Perhaps the school district could allow him to stay in the school considering the circumstances, at least for the time being while a social worker assists the family. I would have the school connect with the father directly and then take a step back. While you may want to get involved and help, this isn’t your fight. Relationships are fickle with teenagers, and while it could be considered harmless to let him stay at your home for a few nights, romantic interest can cool as quickly as it comes on putting your daughter in an awkward position. Instead, let the professionals take the lead on this, provide support (and hot meals!) to her boyfriend in the meantime. He’s welcome to spend time with her after school, and hopefully with your support, he can find a safe place to be at night.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My good friend is dating someone who is originally from another country and has been here on a student visa. They are talking about getting engaged so that he can stay and see if their relationship can go to the next level. I don’t really like this guy. I think he has his sights set on being able to stay here permanently on her dime. He doesn’t have any money, she pays for everything and while he talks a good game about the future  – I’m not buying it. I know she wants to have a baby soon and with no other prospects in sight, I think she is willing to settle. How do I talk her out of what could be a huge mistake? I don’t want to offend her, but I am really worried about her. -DON’T DO IT

DEAR DON’T DO IT: When it comes to other people’s love lives, it can be easy to pass judgment from the outside. The truth is, you don’t know what either of their motivating factors are. Perhaps they do have an arrangement or “understanding” of sorts and are okay with that. She wants a baby and he wants to stay in the country. Maybe that is enough. Having acknowledged that, I also understand where you are coming from as her friend. You don’t want to see her get hurt or get further entangled with someone who may love her. If you do decide to chat with her about this, do so gently. Remind her that you are coming from a place of love and concern. Don’t be surprised if she becomes defensive, so tread lightly.  Once you’ve said your piece, drop it. She may not decide to leave him, so you don’t want to have burned that bridge with her – especially if you are going to have to see him again.   

DEAR NATALIE: My brother has been married for over ten years to a wonderful woman. They have two kids and I adore them all as a family. Recently, my brother confided in me that he has been having an “emotional” affair with my sister-in-law’s sister. I was floored. He explained that during a family vacation they started talking. They exchanged numbers and now they talk almost every day. At first, it was innocent enough, but it has recently turned more “romantic” in tone. He is considering leaving his wife to be with her. How on earth would that even work? The worst part is, my sister-in-law has no clue and her sister comes around quite often – now I know why. He has a beautiful life, why would he want to blow it up? And what can I do? –SAD SIS

DEAR SAD SIS: My grandmother used to say, “People make their own problems.” This seems like a perfect example of that. On paper, your brother has it all. Wonderful life, wonderful family and a loving home. But we never do know what goes on behind closed doors. We don’t know what has been happening between him and your sister-in-law that has led to this point. Before jumping to conclusions, ask him what it is that he is missing from his marriage? He needs to communicate with his wife and figure out what needs to happen to get back on track – if that’s what he wants. You also need to give him a dose of reality that even if they were to divorce, dating her sister would not exactly lead to a happy home – for anyone. Can you imagine the drama and heartache that would ensue – not just for his wife but for his children? Has he even thought about them in this situation? My other grandmother always used to say, “Men think with the wrong head.” My grandmothers knew a thing or two. All you can do is share your concern, hope that he recognizes the reality of the situation and encourage him to talk with his wife. His wife’s sister should be ashamed of herself, too. What a mean-spirited thing to do, to put yourself in the middle of your sister’s marriage. I hope they both wake up and realize that you can’t build a strong foundation on sand.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci