DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I are struggling. I got COVID early on in the pandemic and it disabled me. I have been to countless specialists and doctors. They all try to help me, but it’s been a struggle to say the least and I’ve had to go on leave at my job. I know it’s been hard on my wife but she was with me every step of the way, masking, getting all the updated vaccinations – doing the most. We were a team. But in the last six months, she has really pulled away. She doesn't wear a mask anymore. She gave me RSV a few months back and now she has COVID so I have been staying at my mother’s. She’s frustrated, I understand. We all are. I want it all to be better, but reinfections are going to make things worse for us all. She told me I need to “get over this” and that she’s having a hard time socializing because she feels “guilty” when she goes out. She and I used to be so solid. Now, I don’t know if we will make it. Can you give me any advice or insight on how to save my marriage? – ON THE EDGE 

DEAR ON THE EDGE: I remember someone once telling me that it isn’t enough to be in love for marriage to work. You have to have the same vision of the future. And it seems as though your visions have diverged from one another’s. This doesn’t mean you can’t work through it, however. The reality is, everyone is burned out. Everyone is exhausted and some people are in denial about what is going on around them as a way to cope. It isn’t necessarily a great long-term mechanism to utilize because it can cause harm, as you have experienced first hand – but here we are. I won’t pretend to think that since her recent COVID infections she will somehow now be more willing to mask or take other mitigating steps to reduce her chance (and yours) of reinfection. People want to pretend as though they have this magical, long-term immunity after COVID – which the science shows they do not. But what you can do is set a boundary. If she wants to be in this marriage with you as her partner, then she has to meet you halfway. Can she limit the amount of socializing in large groups that she engages in? Can she mask in indoor spaces, like the grocery store? Can she agree to eat outdoors whenever possible with her friends or limit her hangouts to just a few people at a time? What is she willing to do? And if she does those things, what can you potentially compromise on? The hard part here is that this is airborne. Her choices become your choices whether she likes it or not. Perhaps she doesn’t realize how hurt you are by what is happening. If you speak what is on your heart and things don’t change at all, you may have to come to a difficult decision about whether or not this marriage can continue. Can you be with someone who doesn’t seem to care about you? I would have a hard time grappling with that. Love means sacrificing things. It is an action word. She needs to show that she is still in this with you or what are you both doing? Life is too short to feel disrespected by the person who is supposed to love you the most.  

DEAR NATALIE: My family is Jewish and we have very different perspectives on what is going on with Palestine and Israel. It has made for incredibly tense conversations with my parents. My brother and I see things from one perspective and my parents from another. Things got so tense the other night at dinner that my brother actually left. My mother was in tears and my dad was yelling at us both. I don’t know how to come back from this. I don’t want to be at odds with my family, but this is tearing us apart. My brother said he’s not coming back to my parents unless my dad apologizes… which of course he won’t do. How can I help? I feel stuck in the middle. I agree with my brother’s perspective politically, but I don’t want to lose my parents. Any thoughts? – MEND THE FENCE

DEAR MEND THE FENCE: I wish I had a magic wand that could bring understanding to everyone on the path towards collective liberation. For now, I would just give them space from one another. Unfortunately, this is cutting deep for many families. It is understandable why different generations are looking at this situation from opposing vantage points, and tensions are bound to run high and spill over into outright conflict. So much is at stake and it feels as though the whole world is on fire. All you can do at this moment as his sister is to listen to him and reflect back your support and understanding. All you can do as a daughter is to try and hold space for your dad with compassion in hopes that he and your brother will find their way back to one another. If you can touch base with your mom, perhaps the two of you can work towards finding a way for the family to heal. It may take a long time.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé and I have been together for a little more than three years and I’ve never been to his hometown or met his parents. He always comes up with some excuse as to why we can’t meet up. Finally, I convinced him to let me come home with him during his last trip to visit his parents. They are separated but live in the same home because they are very poor and can’t afford to divorce. They have been separated for years and seem to get along well enough. Neither are in good health and it seems as though they lean on each other as somewhat friends. His childhood home is basically a shack and he never told me how bad things must have been for him growing up. I felt incredibly sad and wished he would have shared this part of his life with me. His family was nice to me, but you could tell they were also uncomfortable and kept making excuses for why the home looked the way it did. After we left, I told him that I would be happy to help his parents once we are married. I don’t want them to worry about having enough money for basic necessities like groceries. I make a lot more money than my fiancé, who works in the public school system. He was taken aback by my suggestion and things have been awkward ever since. I love him and want him to know that I just want to be there for him. We haven’t talked much about the visit since. How do I break the ice? –JUST TRYING TO HELP

DEAR JUST TRYING TO HELP: Your heart is in the right place and I commend you for immediately wanting to jump into action to help his family. However, the dynamics with his parents may be trickier than you realize. Perhaps there are reasons he doesn’t go home or talk about them that go beyond what you have witnessed. Follow your fiancé’s lead on this. If he is open to you bringing them meals on occasion, start with that. But if he is adamant against that, you may need to have a heart-to-heart to further understand his perspective. Perhaps he doesn’t want them to feel embarrassed and is just looking out for them. Perhaps he was neglected as a child and now he’s resentful. There could be a dozen reasons why he’s uncomfortable with you reaching out to them in that way, so be mindful and respect his boundaries with them. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about his story so that you can deepen your connection to one another. The knowledge you've gained can't change his past, but it can help you shape your future together in a more compassionate way.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband cheated on me last year and is very remorseful about the whole thing. It was (supposedly) a one night stand that happened when he was away for work. We just had a baby and he said he felt “neglected” by me. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to move forward with my marriage, but find it very difficult to be intimate with him. The realization that he strayed so easily makes me very anxious about having any more children together. I worry that this pattern will continue and he’ll just expect me to deal with it. I know people would say, “Just leave him,” but I love him and our family. I don’t know how to get over this hurdle. He wants to make this marriage work and so do I. Any advice on how to get back the spark? –UNHAPPY WIFE

DEAR UNHAPPY WIFE: What an incredibly traumatizing experience you had. I am so sorry you went through that and continue to feel the ripple effects of that in your relationship because of his selfish and impulsive decision. I don’t blame you at all for feeling hesitant about growing your family with someone who is so self-centered. If you want to try and salvage your marriage, I would recommend seeking couples counseling with a therapist who specializes in infidelity. I would also recommend you see someone on your own and encourage him to do the same. In fact, if he won’t seek help, use that as further indication that he isn’t actually willing to change. Actions are going to speak much louder than words, and if you feel it in the very pit of your stomach that you just can’t trust him, listen to that voice. You have every right to be happy and you don’t have to settle for someone you can’t rely on.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My brother has recently married a person who doesn’t “believe” in COVID-19. I am immunocompromised and begged them to wear masks when they came for Thanksgiving. I begged them because they were both sick with “sinus infections.” Of course, those infections turned out to be COVID-19 and now I have it, as well as my partner. What’s even worse is that my brother is a physician and was seeing patients while symptomatic the day before Thanksgiving. Who knows how many people he gave it to. I’m livid. I don’t want them in my house for Christmas, even though we have always spent the holiday together. We used to be very close, but his flippant behavior about COVID-19 and how it impacts others has turned me off to him. His partner only makes it worse. They are both very sick and his partner had to go to the ER because of his breathing issues. How do I uninvite them to the holiday? I need to make a point here about safety and family. What should I do? –COVID ISN’T OVER

DEAR COVID ISN’T OVER: I am at a total loss with the lack of community care that we are seeing all around us. This “me” mentality is literally killing us. I am so sorry that you were exposed and caught this dangerous and very contagious virus. I would just be honest with yourself at this point about who your brother is and what his priorities are. You may have to love him from a distance for the foreseeable future. If they can’t respect the rules of your house, then they shouldn't be invited. If they can’t simply tell you ahead of time if they feel unwell, if they refuse to wear a mask knowing you are immunocompromised, and if they continue to gaslight everyone around them about the reality of this disease, why should you stand for it? Tell him, “I’ll see you next year,” and give yourself the gift of a COVID-free holiday. 

DEAR NATALIE: My father has dementia and it has gotten much worse over the past few months. It is at the point where he doesn’t really recognize anyone, but the nurses say that when I’m there, he is much calmer. So, I continue to visit him every day. But I am emotionally exhausted. My partner and our two children want to go to a beautiful cabin for Christmas which is about an hour away from our home. I have a lot of guilt about not seeing my dad for three days. I don’t know how much longer he will be around and while we can’t communicate, I know that me being there and holding his hand makes his day. It makes mine, too, in a lot of ways. I’m an only child and my mother is dead, so he is all I have left. Would it be wrong of me to skip Christmas? But then I worry I will hurt my family. Would it be wrong of me to skip seeing my dad for a few days? But, what if something happens? I am torn. What should I do? –DIFFICULT TIME OF YEAR

DEAR DIFFICULT TIME OF YEAR: What if you went to see your dad on the morning before you leave for the cabin, since it is so close? Then, on the way home, you could also stop by for a short visit. You would only be missing one full day. On the other hand, it is not unreasonable for you to take a break for a few days. It sounds as though you are burned out and incredibly diligent about always making space and time for him. I don’t know about your relationship with your father, but it sounds like you had a good one. What would he say? If you think he would tell you to go and enjoy the holiday break, then you should do so. Be with your kids. Be with your partner. Perhaps it is best to spend time in nature for a few days and come back recharged and ready to handle whatever else is thrown your way. It’s clear that you cherish your dad and I’m sure that even though he can’t communicate it, he feels it in his heart.  

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga