DEAR NATALIE: I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and my husband (of 20 years) said “he didn’t sign up to be a nurse” and has been very unsupportive during this horrific ordeal. My prognosis is good and I’ve been leaning on my parents and my friends who have been absolutely wonderful. We have two boys who are both in their 20s. They have been very helpful, taking me to appointments and researching things for me. They are also very angry at their father for the way he is treating me. My oldest son told me that I should leave him. I am so disheartened. We had a good marriage for the most part, but I can’t even look at him right now without feeling so enraged. Of course my doctors are telling me I need to be as calm and stress-free as possible. But how is that possible with how my marriage is? Any advice on what to do? – CANCER IS HELL 

DEAR CANCER IS HELL: Apparently your husband didn’t take his marriage vows “in sickness and in health” very seriously. If there was ever a moment to put yourself and your needs first – this is the time. He either needs to get onboard with supporting you, or he can move out. If your kids and your family are in your corner, then it is on him to make the change. Perhaps he is in denial about what is happening. Perhaps he is afraid to face reality. But in any case, you are having to face it. And it would be a lot easier if you had a loving, supportive partner in your corner. There are plenty of support groups for spouses who are dealing with cancer, as well. He doesn’t have to go it alone. But if he is unwilling to care for you in your time of need – then this isn’t a marriage worth saving.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have recently separated and I just found out that I’m pregnant. I am not happy about this pregnancy and do not want to keep it. He feels as though it is a sign from God and that we should get back together. We separated because he is emotionally and physically abusive, and I couldn’t take it anymore. We were both raised in Christian fundamentalist homes, but after a few years of marriage, I have pulled way back from the church. I can’t imagine raising a child with him or within the church. I live in a “blue” state and have already made an appointment for an abortion. He’s threatening to tell my family if I have one. He knows that’ll push them over the edge and disown me. I am trapped. What do I do? – ABORT NOW

DEAR ABORT NOW: I don’t blame you for not wanting to bring a child into an abusive marriage. If you don’t want to raise your child as a fundamentalist Christian, why would you want to have a baby with an abuser who does? I’m so sorry to hear that your family has also bought into this hideous way of thinking. If you can’t lean on them for their love and compassion in this moment, then maybe a step back from them is a good thing. If you have access to abortion care and can afford to do it, then move forward with whatever plan is going to bring you peace. You don’t need his permission or your family’s. If someone controls your body, then what do you have? Nothing. Stand up for what you want and get out of that marriage. If you have a friend you can trust, lean on them. You can always start again and have a family in a more nurturing and loving environment if you so choose in the future. Don’t let this man or your family convince you otherwise. Abortion is freedom.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I have been engaged for about four months and I am quickly realizing that I do not want to marry this person. We met a year ago and got engaged fairly quickly. We are both in our 30s and have the same goals. We both have professional jobs and have bought a beautiful house together. On paper, everything is perfect. But the reality is, the more time I spend with them, the more I can’t stand them. They are annoying, boring and clingy. We rushed into this relationship and now I feel trapped. The wedding is a few months away — everything has been paid for, my dress is tailored and invitations have gone out. I’m miserable. My partner has no idea that I feel this way. I told my best friend about it and they said I should just be a runaway bride but I don’t know what to do. My instinct says, “Get married and you can always divorce later.” What do you think? – I DON’T 

DEAR I DON’T: I would absolutely advise that you break things off before you get married. Yes, it will be hard. It will be painful and stressful and costly. But, think of the compounded stress if you marry this person knowing how you feel. You owe yourself and your partner the truth. I would also ask yourself why you allowed this relationship to continue on if you were so unhappy? Were you trying to prove something to yourself or to your family? Were you afraid of being alone? Before anything else is done for the wedding, you must stop this runaway train. Tell your partner what you are feeling (minus the fact that you think they are clingy and boring). It’s much better to end things now, sell the house and move on with your lives before you become any more entangled or bring children into the mix. Don’t start a life with someone based on a lie to save face. And once this is behind you, take some time to reflect on who you want to be moving forward and what kind of partner you want to share your life with. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been nannying for a family for over a year, and occasionally a friend of mine will nanny for them if I am unavailable. Recently, they fired my friend after seeing posts she had made on her Instagram account concerning Palestine. They did not tell me that this is why they fired her, but they did tell her that they didn’t want someone with those beliefs around their children. They don’t follow me on Instagram (my account is private) but I know that my friend and I post the same perspectives online. It doesn’t feel right to keep working for them, in addition to knowing that they might fire me at any moment because of our different ideologies. I’m also deeply uncomfortable with knowing where they stand on this issue. I am curious if our relationship can help me share my perspective with them in a way they would actually listen to, and I am willing to lose my job over this. How do you think I should proceed? – STAND TOGETHER 

DEAR STAND TOGETHER: So much of our collective pain comes from unresolved grief which manifests as violence and blind hatred of the other. Any conversation that can work towards a deeper commitment to understanding one another is worth having. You do not seem concerned about the fallout of having a hard conversation with them about your perspective so I would start by asking them why they fired your friend? Gaining some insight into their thought process may help you formulate what it is that you want to share with them. Once you hear them out, it’ll be easier to frame your perspective so that there is a chance for them to actively listen to understand and not just to respond. However, if you feel the conversation devolve or notice increased hostility from them, it may be best to resign and move on. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend of seven years and I recently broke up. We share a lot of mutual friends and several of our friends are playing “Switzerland.” It ended pretty badly and I have noticed that some of my friends, while they claim to not be taking sides, aren’t texting me or hanging out with me as much. When I asked my one friend about this, he said it was because his girlfriend and my ex are close, so it feels uncomfortable for everyone to be together. Obviously I don’t expect to hangout with my ex – and nor do I want to – but why does this mean I have to lose all of my friends? How do I convince my friends that I need their support, too? – EXED OUT

DEAR EXED OUT: Breakups are messy and whether people want to admit it or not, they do end up taking sides. You shouldn’t have to lose all of your friends because you and your girlfriend broke up, but it can take a minute for the dust to settle. Your friends probably feel awkward about it, as well, and unsure what to do. If you identify a few friends that you are closest to and explain to them that you do not expect them to pick a side, but do want them in your life, see what else they have to say. No one is telling them they have to cut your ex off. This is also a good time to branch out from your social circle, find a new community activity and make some friends independent of this group so that you aren’t as reliant on them for social interaction. In time, people may come around but you don’t (and shouldn’t) have to wait around for them. If they are your real friends, they’ll find a way to connect with you, too. 

DEAR NATALIE: My mom was recommended by her specialist to go on a particular diet that may help with her early on-set dementia and other cognitive problems she is having. She doesn’t seem resistant to doing it, but my dad isn’t being supportive at all, and is unwilling to change his diet. She doesn’t drive, so they go grocery shopping together, or he’ll just do the grocery shopping. I have explained to him that this would be easier for her if he joined her and expressed interest in changing his diet with her – but since she still does most of the cooking, she is mostly concerned with cooking for him. I know I can’t control him, but it’s hard for me to watch her decline and for him to avoid any potential ways to support her. How can I nudge him, or find other ways to help her deal with this? – FOOD FOR THOUGHT 

DEAR FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Old habits die hard and your father may be in denial about the situation, which is why he is resistant to making any changes. Is there a way you can help create a weekly grocery list to take any guesswork out of it? And since your mother is still cooking, she may be comfortable cooking the same things she always has. This might feel like a source of comfort for her, as well. So, can we introduce foods into smoothies for her that your dad can make her? Perhaps just doing one introduction a day of these foods could be a way to incorporate some of them without overwhelming your parents. Did your doctor provide resources, like a nutritionist, that specializes in cognitive-supportive diets? If you dad learns why these foods are important for your mom, maybe he will be more inclined to show support. Can you help meal prep once a week for your mom so she has a lunch, for instance, already prepared? As her condition worsens, it won’t be a bad idea for your dad to learn how to make some basic staples, as well. Shifting into a caretaker role can be challenging, heartbreaking, difficult and frustrating. If he is open to finding a support group or a therapist, now would be the time so that he can prepare for what is to come. None of this is easy, so try to give them both space and grace as they continue down this unfamiliar path. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga