DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been an elementary school teacher for 10 years and am noticing some sad and scary trends in my students in the last few years. They seem to be more violent with me and with other students. They are also less able to talk about their reasons for being upset. I’ve talked to the principal a number of times but he is relatively unsympathetic. I imagine this is because he just takes the same disciplinary action he has always taken, which I don’t really believe changes or improves their action. I don’t have the training I need to de-escalate situations, nor am I a social worker. How can I learn to work better with these kids, and get the support I need from my district?

– TEACH THE TEACHER

DEAR TEACH THE TEACHER: While this is naturally a time of life where a little rebellion is expected, it is not okay for students to be violent or aggressive with any teacher or with one another. Unfortunately, there are so many systemic issues plaguing young people that it is hard to tease out what is coming from them and what is weighing on them from the outside world. Some students may be experiencing hardships at home, like a lack of stable housing or consistent meals. Perhaps they have recently gone through a tragedy or have underlying mental health issues that aren’t being fully addressed for one reason or another. They could be isolating themselves through social media and video games, avoiding social interactions and thereby becoming less equipped to deal with people in real life. So what can you do? I firmly believe that we have to meet people where they are. Having worked as a social worker in school settings with the young people (mostly boys) who I was working with in their homes, it took a long time to build trust. Most of my interactions I found went best when we were doing something with our hands, whether it was drawing or writing or playing a game. I don’t know how you can incorporate experiential learning into your classroom setting, but it could be an interesting way to help them shift their thought patterns and activate them in different ways. I also found that once I did build trust, I couldn’t get them to stop talking – which was a good problem to have. But there are ups and downs and depending on the situation, you may never make much progress, especially when you are in a classroom setting and not participating in intensive therapy sessions. As for your district, my grandmother used to say, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” I recommend you just keep at it. I hate to say wear them down, but knowing what I know about the school system, you have to be relentless to get the support you need. None of this is a guarantee, but I would also encourage you to reach out to other educators for support and advice to see what they do in their classrooms to make it a more welcoming environment for students to learn. Teachers are my heroes and I hope someday not only do you get the support you need in your classroom setting, but that we fund schools properly and pay you what you deserve. 

DEAR NATALIE: Lately my life partner has seemed a bit more cynical than usual. He seems to be getting caught up in conspiracy theories, and is straying away from the news stations and reporters he used to listen to. I totally understand his skepticism – I have a healthy dose of it myself – but I feel like he’s crossed a few lines of what I think is reasonable. I’ve told him that he might want to be careful about sharing these opinions openly, especially online. Honestly, I don’t feel like I have any news outlets I want to recommend to him that offer fair and balanced reporting – I get most of my information on social media. How can I help before he goes too far off the deep end?

– OFF THE DEEP END

DEAR OFF THE DEEP END: On my KDKA radio show, I have a regular segment with a colleague where we talk about media and manipulation. She is a fellow journalist and also a professor at a university. We discuss media literacy quite a bit because it is easy for anyone – and I mean anyone – to share or buy into misinformation. No matter where you get your news from, but especially if it is from social media, it is important that we check our sources. Here are some tips to avoid misinformation online: 1. Check the source. Be wary of those that have a political agenda. 2. Look for collaboration…can you find this information in other spaces? 3. Check the date because the news travels fast and it could already be obsolete. 4. Consider the language and how sensationalized it might be. Too good (or bad) to be true? It probably is. 5. There are fact-checking resources online like snopes, factcheck.org and politifact that I use to help when I’m unsure of something’s credibility. And most importantly, we need to check our own biases and recognize that it is okay to adjust beliefs based on new evidence-based information that we gather. Often, the reason people buy into conspiracy theories is because they fit into their preferred world view or provide a sense of control in an out-of-control world. The best thing you can do is to encourage him to practice those steps laid out above. Working through misinformation together and sharing that process with him will make it feel like you are doing the work together and not accusing him of buying into “fake news.” When we are an educated population, we are less able to be manipulated by the powers that be. Reclaiming that power starts with our own understanding of media literacy. Good luck!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I recently had dinner at a friend’s house who recently had COVID. I told him I wanted to wait 14 days from when he first tested positive, which he was understanding about. But then, I found out that our friend we were planning dinner with, hung out with him only five days after he had tested positive. I explained to him when he first tested positive that I didn’t think that five days was safe enough, and that they would be putting themselves at risk of getting other people sick if they were unmasked and in public. Now, after having dinner, I don’t feel like I can trust them. It feels hard to be the only one in my social circle that is aware of COVID in this way, and it feels worse to feel like I was lied to. What should I do?

– FEELING ALONE 

DEAR FEELING ALONE: Before the naysayers come for me in the comment section, the CDC recommended – before big business got involved for fear of losing labor – at least a ten day isolation period when someone contracted COVID. So waiting two weeks (whenever possible) before seeing someone who had COVID is not only reasonable, it’s responsible. The reality is, you and I are in the minority of people who are taking this very real threat seriously. I understand why you feel as though they weren’t being completely honest, and I know it is an awful when the people we care about disappoint us. Remember, however, you can’t control everyone’s actions or their decisions. It is impossible to individually lift ourselves out of a collective global pandemic, but I would recommend doing the following: 1. Meet friends outdoors and wear a mask. 2. Bring extra masks for  your friends when you see them. Often, my friends will ask me if I have a mask when they see me wearing one, so I always have extra. 3. If you meet indoors, open windows, run an air purifier and limit your exposure even if masked. Beyond that, continue to find COVID-cautious people out in the world. They exist — and there’s more of us than you realize — who are fighting the good fight to keep us all safe and healthy. The public health response and lack of government support has been appalling and embarrassing on every level, but that doesn't mean we give into despair. We look for community, we build bridges with people who are open to taking precautions but maybe don’t know how and we stay educated on the latest developments. We will find a way forward here. I just hope we can reduce the suffering along the way.

DEAR NATALIE: Recently, I was reading a nationally distributed magazine and realized that my ex, who is a writer, had written a story that included details about our relationship. She didn’t name me, but people who know her will know that it’s about me. It includes the narrative and details of a fight we got into a few years ago. It definitely wasn’t my finest moment, but she has painted me in a harsh light. She asked me a while back to not contact her. After reading it, one of our mutual friends told me that if I didn’t want it to be written about, then I shouldn’t have acted that way. I feel hurt and uncomfortable. I want to get revenge. What can I do?

– PUBLICLY SHAMED

DEAR PUBLICLY SHAMED: I don’t know what I’m more infuriated by – your ex for writing about you or your friend shaming you about what happened. I understand why you would feel hurt and uncomfortable. I don’t recommend seeking revenge. In fact, I recommend you staying as far away from this whole situation as possible. Why? It’s clear to me that any interaction with your ex could end up in their next column. Because they painted you in such an unflattering light and have the upper hand with the large platform they have, I don’t see anything positive coming out of this for you. Instead, can we take a step back and try to look at what happened dispassionately. What can you learn from this experience? You said that whatever happened in the past “wasn’t your finest moment.” Reflect on that. Was it your temper? Did you say things you regret? Did you physically do something that you wish you could take back? How can you avoid situations like this in the future? If you can look at this in that framework, it may help you in your healing process. As far as your friend who shamed you for what happened, I would let them know that their comment hurt you. Take a step back from that friendship for a while and reassess who you want in your life because while it’s fine to have our friends help us grow, we don’t need people kicking us when we are down.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I recently decided to separate. We have not been getting along well the last several months. I thought during this time we would do some “soul searching,” go to couples’ therapy and take some time for ourselves. Well, I came to find out that he has started dating one of his co-workers. We didn’t explicitly state that we couldn’t date, but we’ve been together 20 years. I thought we could figure a way through this but now I guess he wants out? So I went to tell him I’m going to file for divorce and he was livid. He said he didn’t want that and wants me back. Then, I confronted him about the dates with this co-worker and how that hurt me. He said he was “lonely.” We were separated for one month. Absurd. He seems remorseful. Should I give this another chance? We were going through a rough patch but I never thought he would cheat on me. – END OF THE ROAD 

DEAR END OF THE ROAD: Since I don’t know what the issues in your marriage are, you have to ask yourself this question: If you met him now, would you fall in love? Would you get married? Sometimes, we hold onto the past so tightly, that we forget that it is just that – the past. If that’s the case, then let him go. If, however, this is someone who you can truly see yourself with for the rest of your life, then it is worth trying to salvage. Therapy makes sense, not just for you both as a couple, but as individuals, as well. There is a reason he stepped out of your relationship as soon as he had a hint of a green light. Does he really want to be married? How intense is this connection? You need to find out what was at the root of that. How can you trust that this won’t happen again? He opened this can of worms, so now he has to accept that his actions have consequences. The only way you can build towards a better tomorrow together is to acknowledge where you are in this moment and commit to understanding each other, respecting one another and fighting for what matters…your marriage. And then, time will tell.  

DEAR NATALIE: I just remarried and my new husband has never had children in his life before. My kids are older— ages 15 and 19. My eldest is going to community college so he lives at home. My son and husband have been butting heads. I don’t think my son is used to having another man around the house. His father left when he was small and it’s been just the three of us until last year when I met Jeff, my now-husband. They get along fine, but living together is a different thing. Jeff expects him to do chores, get up at a decent hour and help with house repairs since he is living here for free. My son doesn't have a job, so Jeff has been encouraging him to get a part-time one. It’s been causing a lot of arguments and friction in my home. I keep telling Jeff he’s pushing too hard, but he feels as though my son has been walking all over me and doesn’t like to see it. My son, of course, thinks Jeff is overstepping his bounds and that he’s “a man” who doesn’t have to listen to him. I see both sides but my daughter thinks that Jeff has a point. What do you think? How should I handle this? – STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR WE HAVE ROOM: It can be very challenging when the two most important men in your life aren’t getting along with one another. And Jeff does have a point. There needs to be ground rules in place if your son is going to live with you at home while he goes to school. It’s great that he can save his money while getting an education and not have to pay rent and all the bills that come along with it…especially as the cost of housing continues to soar. But in exchange, there are expectations that should be met or things will boil over. Can you sit down with your son and Jeff and make a plan that works for everyone while he is living at home? What feels achievable? Can he keep his grades up while working part time? If so, great. What does that look like? If not, how can he support the family in ways that are reasonable? While Jeff isn’t his father, he is your husband and is going to feel protective of you. Your son may not be used to having someone in that role and most likely feels a little threatened. Reassuring your son that you love him is important. Establishing boundaries where everyone feels respected is key. If he wants to be a man, he should be treated him like one, which means taking on responsibilities to show everyone that he is growing up and becoming the independent, thoughtful person you want him to be so that he can have a productive and fulfilling life.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga