DEAR NATALIE: Recently, I have found myself attracted to women. I have been married for more than 20 years. We’ve drifted emotionally and sexually. We don’t have sex much these days and while I do love him, I don’t know if I am even sexually attracted to him, anymore. We have three kids (two in college) and so the idea of being empty-nesters is worrying me. How can I live the next half of my life with someone who feels more like a roommate than a lover? And there is a woman I have met recently who I found myself drawn to. She has expressed interest in – even knowing that I’m married and “straight.” I would like to take a chance for once. Should I share this with my husband? Should I have an affair behind his back and even see if there is anything really there? Am I just going through a midlife crisis? I am frustrated – and I mean that in every sense of the word. What should I do? — MIDLIFE MELTDOWN 

DEAR MIDLIFE MELTDOWN: Affairs always seem sexy in the movies, but in reality they are just messy. After 20 years and three children together, your marriage deserve better than you sneaking around to have a sapphic romance. Do some soul searching before you talk to him because the questions raised won’t have answers in someone else’s bed. Do you want to be married? Do you want to be married to him? While a flirtation with someone can make you feel alive and rejuvenated, following through on those feelings could cause everything that you do have to blow up. Have you tried reconnecting with your husband in intimate ways? I don’t even mean sexually – but do you go on date nights? Do you cuddle or hold hands? Do you talk in the middle of the night about your dreams or laugh together on the couch while watching a movie? Often the spark that makes an affair feel so special is having someone see us. So start there. If you still feel as though you need to explore new facets of your sexuality, then tell him the truth. I would at least give your marriage one last chance before you close that book for good.   

DEAR NATALIE: A woman I work with who is 25 years older than me is super insecure and it makes working with her difficult. I never get straight answers out of her because she doesn’t want to make definitive decisions. She literally prefaces all of her statements with, “This might be a bad idea…” which leaves me unsure if she wants her ideas to come to fruition. What’s worse is that no one knows what she does all day. She’s my manager, but I have to be a bit forceful in order to get things done. Other people on my team feel similarly, but no one knows how to handle it. What should I do?  – MISMANAGED

DEAR MISMANAGED: I would first work on communication with her. The next time she starts a sentence with “This might be a bad idea…” can you interject and say in return: “What specific parts of this plan/program/strategy concern you so that we can make targeted changes that will improve the outcome?” If she doesn’t like to make decisions, are there decisions that can be made without her so that she can just sign off on them? My philosophy has always been, “Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” But when it comes to not knowing what she does all day, I wouldn’t get too heavily involved in that. Office gossip can lead to tension and it will find its way back to her. Just do the best work you that you can, try to make adjustments in communication and see what decisions you can make so that all she needs to do is give the final green light. Other than that, remember that curiosity killed the cat. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend’s new boyfriend is a total weirdo. They met online through a professional networking group. In the last few years, he’s gotten really into this “live forever” movement, and it seems like he focuses a lot of his time on it. She’s generally healthy – eats well and values exercising – and the only way I’ve noticed her habits changing is that she’s spending a ton more money on experimental treatments and supplements. He does this, too, but he also drinks a lot with his friends and doesn’t really care about COVID. His behaviors seem contradictory. Their new thing is that he wants to move to a blue zone – areas of the world with longer life expectancies. She’s willing to move – Greece, Italy, Japan, Costa Rica – who wouldn’t be? But, I’m worried she will only get further swept up into his insanity, especially if they are isolated in a new country. She thinks he’ll grow out of it, but she hasn’t seen any evidence yet. How can I talk to her about this? – NO ZONE

DEAR NO ZONE: I have a new motto since I turned 40 this year. I was scrolling through TikTok and came across this woman in her 40s giving advice. My favorite takeaway piece was: “You like it, I love it.” Is it a bad idea to move to a foreign country with a dude she doesn’t know well? Of course. Is it silly to waste time and money chasing the fountain of youth while engaging in other risky behaviors? You know it. And guess what? You like it, I love it. If that’s what she wants to do, why stand in her way? We know how this will play out because my guess is this has played out before with her.  So why put yourself through the same cycle? Let her live her life and make her decisions while you set up healthy boundaries to protect yourself from the fallout. She is allowed to live in chaos – but you don’t have to follow her there.   

DEAR NATALIE: I think my sister’s husband is having an affair. He has been coming home late from work almost every night for the past few months, saying that he is working on a big project. She said he goes straight to shower. They were also at a work event together and she was gently interrogating his colleagues. No one knew anything about this so-called project. There is also this new woman at his office that my sister said is very attractive and hangs around him. She’s caught them flirting on more than one occasion. Obviously, this is all circumstantial, but he won’t leave his phone out, anymore, either. She said he changed his password to his email, too. When she asked him to share it with her, he said he forgot it. They’ve been married about five years and have a small child. My sister is an amazing wife and mother. I’ve never warmed to him, but I tried accepting him for her sake. Now, she wants to confront him but is afraid to do it. Should I help facilitate this confrontation? I just want her to be happy and he has never treated her well. He ignores her and neglects their marriage. If he’s having an affair, I know she will be devastated. How do I help her? – STAND WITH MY SISTER

DEAR STAND WITH MY SISTER: You cannot take the lead here. Standing with her means standing behind her. Support her decision if she wants to confront him. Be there for her if he is having an affair. But don’t be surprised if she doesn’t leave right away. Infidelity isn’t a deal-breaker for everyone. If you badmouth him and she does stay, she is going to resent you for it. You could end up the “bad guy” here even though you are trying to be protective. I can easily feel how much you care about her. Encourage her to do what she feels will bring her peace and empowerment. This is her life and her decision. If she does decide to leave him, then she has a wonderful sister to support her. But if she stays, she’ll need you just as much. Make sure you put her needs before your desire to control this situation.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My ex-boyfriend and I have been on and off for years. He has a terrible temper, which has been the reason for most of our “off” periods. He’s never actually hit me, but he becomes very threatening and verbally abusive. My friends and family have witnessed it over the years and they have always told me to drop him. But I really love him and recently I found out that I am pregnant. He wants to get married now and is so excited about the baby coming. I am scared because I worry about his temper. Whenever I bring it up, he tells me that he has “changed,” but I don’t know if I trust him. I don’t know if bringing a baby into this situation is smart, either. I have contemplated an abortion, as well, but would never tell him as I don’t know how he would react. I am only about eight weeks along. What do you think I should do?

– CONFLICTED AND CONFUSED

DEAR CONFLICTED AND CONFUSED: While I cannot make a decision for you about your body – that is between you and your doctor – I do understand your hesitation in tying yourself to someone that has shown to be abusive towards you time and time again. First ask yourself: Do you want to be a mother? Do you want a family? Is this the right time for a baby? If you feel as though you could have a child and walk away should the situation become abusive, then consider your options. If you feel, however, that having a child would force you to have to rely on this man financially, sit with that. People don’t change overnight. It takes hard work and a willingness to reflect and grow. If he hasn’t done the work, then where is this change coming from? I would contemplate what your life would be like with him. Does it make you feel happy when you think about it? Scared? Nervous? No one should have to walk on eggshells to accommodate someone else’s unregulated emotions. It is not your job to “fix” him, either. Sometimes, life lessons can be very difficult, and this may be one for both of you. Whatever you decide, please choose yourself. You deserve a life free from abuse. We all do. 

DEAR NATALIE: My close friends have an awesome beach house and always tell us that we can come down and spend time with them whenever we want to. We have two kids, and they have three kids, so it is always fun when we are all together. Well, we are planning on visiting next week and had everything planned but their oldest daughter, who is 12, decided she wanted to have a few friends visit her before school starts. My friend called me to tell me that they would have to cancel on us because of this change of plans. I was really upset, as we had taken time off of work and had made this our vacation for the summer. It’s now too late to rent a beach house, as this is the end of the season. My friend knew I was annoyed and said to me: “It isn’t my fault that you don’t have a beach house.” I couldn’t believe she said that. Now I just feel angry and hurt by her. I don’t want this to impact our relationship, but how do I tell her that it was incredibly rude what she said and it was rude what she did, canceling on us at the last minute? – THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

DEAR THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS: It actually is her fault that you don’t have a beach house, taking this purely at face value. If we take it with undertones, she’s speaking in an elitist way, which isn’t pretty. No matter how you dice that sentence up, it was rude and unnecessary. I appreciate her wanting to appease her daughter, but she did promise you the week. I wouldn't make plans to stay with her again – at least for the foreseeable future since she is so unreliable. And while it may be challenging, why not try looking for a house to rent somewhere else? Use the opportunity to go on an adventure that could be out of your comfort zone. It may not be ideal, but sometimes we just have to pivot. Good things can come out of it. It could be a blessing in disguise. And speaking of blessings – now you know who she is and you can react accordingly. Unless she apologizes and realizes that she was out of line, you are under no obligation to talk with her. I don’t know if she didn’t understand the impact or just didn’t care, but right now it would be better if she keeps her distance.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020 AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga