DEAR NATALIE: I am an immigrant and my mother-in-law shared a photo of a costume she wants to wear for Halloween that basically depicts Trump carrying out the “trash” and the “trash” is supposed to be a person from Mexico. (It’s basically about the idea of getting deported). I think she thought it would be funny, and that I would agree or laugh it off. I didn’t find it funny, at all. I cannot vote in this election and the idea that someone would wear a costume like that or send me a “joke” like that is truly upsetting. How do I tell her that I don’t agree with this brand of humor? I bite my tongue a lot in my family because I am new to the family and don’t want to upset them. My husband and I are not “MAGA” like his family is. I am not sure how to be around them when they are like this. It is causing issues in my relationship with them. Any advice on what to say? – IMMIGRANTS ARE NOT TRASH

DEAR IMMIGRANTS ARE NOT TRASH: I would have an extremely difficult time being around someone who insists on sharing racist and xenophobic material like that. The only way to deal with this is to set a boundary. You are allowed to say to your mother-in-law (and i know this is touchy because of the dynamic) something along these lines: “I know you want to connect with me, but sharing that photo upset me. I am also an immigrant and don’t view immigrants as trash. These are human beings. So if we could just cool it with jokes like these, I would appreciate it.” You may want to say it to her in front of your husband so that he can back you up. Unfortunately, I have received many letters over the last few years about how this kind of rhetoric is tearing families and friends apart. The best thing you can do is say how you feel and if she tries to engage you in the future in this kind of conversation, just walk away. It’s still your husband’s mother, so I understand the need to tread lightly, but that doesn’t mean she gets to walk all over you in the process.

DEAR NATALIE: With the election next week, my anxiety is at a 20 out of 10. I am not sleeping well and can’t seem to concentrate. I know I shouldn’t “doom scroll” on my phone, but there are so many fires it seems to put out every single day. Is there a way to stay informed without having this level of panic every day? My husband and my kids are also feeling the stress of this all. I feel as though everyone is on edge and my neighbors (who have an opposing sign in their yard) have stopped speaking to us. How do we bring it down a notch? How can we get through this as a society? – WORRIED MOM 

DEAR WORRIED MOM: I am also counting down the days until the election is over. Unfortunately, that won’t make the 24-hour news cycle any less intense or the rhetoric any less inflammatory. I recommend setting up parameters with how you engage with your phone. You can set actual timers on your phone that will alert you when you’ve been on a site (like Instagram, for instance) for too long. You can also set up timers on your phone that will tell you it’s time to take a break. I have resorted to physically putting my phone in my bedroom after 8pm so that I am not looking at it for the rest of the night. Do whatever you have to in order to limit your exposure. Have your family do the same. It is important to stay informed, but at a certain level, it’s easy to become consumed. When we are bombarded with unsettling or upsetting news all day with no actionable steps to take, it can make us spiral into anxiety and depression. Being in community, volunteering, spending time in nature and with your family – no electronics allowed – can be the antidote. As for your neighbors, perhaps there is a path forward after the election is over and feelings cool down, but if they are this worked up, you may want to wait several months before approaching them. Good luck to you!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: Can I date a transgender woman as a cisgender man? I met this beautiful woman recently and we had a great date. I had no idea that she is transgender, but she told me towards the end of the evening. At first, I was taken aback. You would never know to look at her. She’s had surgeries over the years and has completed her transition. While I am attracted to her, I also find myself confused and repulsed. I also worry what my family and friends will think. I have never been in this situation before and not sure how to handle it. We made plans to get together again this weekend. I am not sure if I should break them or see her and tell her what I am feeling. I don’t want her to feel bad, but I am not sure I can date a trans person. What do you think? –DATING IS HARD ENOUGH

DEAR DATING IS HARD ENOUGH: There could be two things at work here. The first thing is – put aside their identity. You stated that you are attracted to her. So why should you deny yourself the opportunity to explore this potential relationship? The second thing is – are you embarrassed or bothered by the fact that you may be attracted to someone who was assigned male at birth? Does this mess with your sense of sexual identity? I would look at that. It’s okay if you are uncomfortable. It’s new to you. And not everyone is going to be able to look beyond the fact that she is a transgender woman. I’m sure this isn’t the first time that she has met someone and they ran the other way because of the societal constraints that weigh down on people. Fear has a way of creeping in and holding people back from new experiences because of how they may be judged. But think of this. Here she is. Standing in her truth. Strong enough to share this fact about herself with you. Willing to be vulnerable and open. Why not grant yourself the same grace and just see where the second or third date may lead? What happens if you let go of any expectations or fears and just see how things progress? And if you just can’t do it, at least let her down gently and don’t ghost her. Let’s show each other the care we would want in return. 

DEAR NATALIE: How can we handle business owners in our community who are causing harm? It recently came to light that the owner of a coffee shop where I live is also the landlord of a number of properties in marginalized communities. He recently served an eviction notice to one home and things became violent. It makes me not want to support the coffee shop because I’m seeing that he is capitalizing on gentrification. I know that his employees need jobs, though, so I don’t blame them. Other people are feeling similarly and I’m curious how to approach a conversation with him. I don’t believe that cancel culture is effective in promoting change and isn’t a way to hold people accountable, so I don’t feel like it makes sense to just blast him on the internet for his sleazy business. What would you do? – SLEAZY BUSINESS GUY

DEAR SLEAZY BUSINESS GUY: My mom does these “one-woman protests” she calls them when she is confronted by business owners she thinks are behaving in unscrupulous ways (both locally and nationally). And I have definitely picked up that habit from her, participating in my own one-woman protests from time to time. And since we live in a capitalistic society, voting with your pocketbook can often be a good way to get someone’s attention towards an issue you may have with how they move in the world. Whether or not they do anything about it is beyond your control. But, if you don’t like the way he conducts business, there is nothing stopping you from boycotting it and loudly sharing with your friends and community members as to why you are doing so. You could also send him a letter detailing why you are boycotting his space so that he understands the impact he is making. He’s free to run his businesses the way he chooses, but you are free to spend your money the way you choose, as well. Hopefully, that can send some kind of message his way. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I’m acquaintances with the wife of a politician who has recently come under a lot of heat for his beliefs. She’s something of a public figure, as well, and hasn’t spoken up in opposition or support of what he’s running his mouth about. This is making me really upset, as I feel like she’s on the wrong side of history. Part of me wants to shake her because her husband is so obviously wrong. She has recently been asking me to accompany her to events, but I’m not really comfortable doing that because I don’t want to be publicly associated with them. How can I talk about this with her? I don’t want to miss an opportunity for a good conversation, but part of me wants to fade off into the distance. – LETTING GO

DEAR LETTING GO: What is it that you want to accomplish if you confront her over this issue? The reality is, whatever is being said between them behind closed doors isn’t going to be brought into the public sphere. Like most politicians’ spouses, their job is to stand by their side. It can be unfortunate when someone you admire takes a hard turn away from the values that you ascribed to them. But you are under no obligation to align yourself with her at this moment if it doesn’t feel right. You can just thank her for the invitation when and if she asks you to do things, and let her know that you are busy. If she wants to meet in private to discuss how she feels or how politics is impacting your friendship, then that’s your call. People make their beds. This may be one of those moments where there isn’t a way forward together – at least not right now. 

DEAR NATALIE: Last week I went out to dinner with a friend and saw my business partner on a date with a woman who was not his girlfriend. (I’m pretty sure he doesn’t kiss his female friends). He didn’t see me, and I’m not sure what to do. I’m close with his girlfriend and they’re getting married in six months. I know that she values monogamy. I don’t want to blow up their relationship – or the business we own together – but I don’t want her to find out down the road, and be hurt that I didn’t tell her. Plus, if he’s lying to her, is he lying to me? How can I bring this up to him? – KISS AND TELL

DEAR KISS AND TELL: This is so tricky because there are a lot of different dynamics at work here. Considering you are both friends with her and in business with him, it does raise the issue that if he is willing to lie to her – would he lie or cheat you in your business venture together? There’s no cute way to go about this, so just be blunt. Tell him that you saw him and that he better have a great explanation because it impacts not only your friendship with his girlfriend, but your working relationship, as well. People are impulsive. It may have just been that. But, if he is lying and cheating on her, there’s nothing that will stop him from doing the same in other areas of his life. Better to know what is going on now so you don’t have a big financial mess to clean up down the road. If he’s unhappy, he needs to address that with her, instead of creating drama for you. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga