DEAR NATALIE: I went home for Thanksgiving and I remember why I never go home. My mother was exceptionally mean to me this holiday, calling me out for “putting on some pudge” and “looking old and tired” when I showed up after working at the hospital all night to get to her place. She lives alone. My dad died a few years back and he was really the glue that kept us all together. My brother doesn’t go home at all and didn’t even call this year. My mother can be verbally abusive but I have always felt sorry for her. Who is going to take care of her? I think her mind is starting to go a bit. I kept noticing her telling me the same stories over and over again. When I would mention that she had already shared that, she would just snap at me. My husband said that he hates seeing me with her because she is so nasty to me. She cries to me how no one comes to visit and how angry she is at my brother. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I hate feeling like this. Any advice on how to navigate her better? – MEAN MOTHER, SAD DAUGHTER

DEAR MEAN MOTHER, SAD DAUGHTER: Just because you feel sorry for someone doesn’t mean that you have to give in to their toxicity. You can love your mom from a healthy distance. It sounds as though she is an unhappy person who has taken out her frustrations with her own life onto the people who are closest to her. Why should you have to bear the brunt of her abusive nature? You don’t owe her that. If you are worried about her, encourage her to go to see a neurologist. Beyond that, what is something you can do regularly that will help you feel connected but also safe? Can you call her twice a month? Visit once every other month for a day? What is a healthy distance that you need? Setting up some boundaries can help you feel more in control of the situation with her. If she lashes out at you on the phone, you are allowed to say to her, “Mom, I’m ending the call if you continue to talk to me that way.” If she continues, you are allowed to hang up. I applaud you for wanting to do right by her. I understand the complexities of relationships with parents. But you are not her punching bag or her doormat. If she can’t treat you with a basic level of decency or respect, you are allowed to walk away and reconnect with her on your own terms. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend had never been to my parent’s home in rural Pennsylvania and I think I may have “downplayed” their Trump obsession. He and I are very liberal and when we got to the house, they had this huge Trump-themed banner across their garage. I think he was really shocked. He had only met them at my sister’s wedding earlier in the year and they were perfectly nice. I mean, they are perfectly nice, but talking to them about politics is always doom and gloom. I keep telling them that the news stations that they watch are only providing a specific side of the story, but they don’t want to hear that. They think I’ll “grow out of” being liberal like they did. That’s right. They were peace-loving hippies back in the day. Not sure what happened. My boyfriend has been acting really strange ever since we got back from our trip. We were with my parents for three days and I think it was two days too many for him.  I’m worried he’s going to break up with me. I know he’s super close to his family but maybe mine is just too much for him to take. What do you think I should do? Should I bring this up to him that I’m feeling distant? –  NOT A TRUMPER

DEAR NOT A TRUMPER: You need to talk to your boyfriend and share with him your concerns. If you feel this way, then something is going on. I don’t know how often you visit your family or how close you are with them, but whatever your dynamic is, now would be a good time to share it with your boyfriend. If you are serious about a future together, then he deserves to know what to expect moving forward. Can you set up boundaries so that you don’t spend multiple days with them? If you do go to visit, are you able to stay somewhere else so you don’t have to be at their home? If your parents ask you why you aren’t around more, are you willing to share with them how you feel? I hate seeing how political differences are tearing apart families. You are not the only person to write me a similar letter. The sad part is, as people’s views become more extreme and violent, it becomes harder to ignore them. Give yourself space and prioritize your partner for now. If he knows that you are both on the same team, it may be easier to find a way forward.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I decided when we got married that I would go to work and she would stay home and raise our children. Our kids are now 12 and 15, and she’s hinting to me that she wants to start looking for a part-time job. She said that we need the money (which we do not) and that she is “bored.” The kids have a lot of their own activities and interests and she says that being a stay-at-home-mom feels antiquated. I do not agree with her working outside the home and it has created a lot of stress for me. She is moody and passive aggressive. I told her that she agreed to these terms when we married or I would not have married her. She now wants to go to marriage counseling. Do I go along with this? I want her to be happy but I’m perplexed as to why she is trying to change the rules now. – STAY HOME

DEAR STAY HOME: What exactly will you lose if she takes on a part-time job besides a “moody” and “passive aggressive” wife? Isn’t marriage about bringing out the best in one another and supporting each other’s dreams? Fifteen years is a long time to be in full-time mom-mode. Having her own sense of self and identity outside of the family home doesn’t take anything away from you or the kids. In fact, if she feels fulfilled and happy because she is finding herself again in the world, she will be a happier person at home, too. What is your fear of letting go of control? The kids are going to grow up. Then what? Divorce? Show her that you can evolve, participate in therapy, understand where she is coming from and perhaps your marriage will blossom in new and unexpected ways instead of withering on the vine as it seems to be doing now.

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend told me the other night that she has developed feelings for her co-worker. Well, actually, her boss. They have a “flirty” dynamic, but I never thought that it was anything I needed to worry about. She said she’s been guilt-ridden about it, and she “can’t control” how she feels. She claims that she still loves me and isn’t sure what to do. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with any of this and then she said that we should break up. We live together, we have two dogs together and we were planning on marrying. I feel like she is just allowing a stupid crush to dictate her whole future and then when I called her out on it, she had a knee-jerk reaction to end things. I’m so confused. She told me she wanted some space, so I am staying at my parents’ home for a few nights to figure this out. What do you think we should do? –THROWING IT ALL AWAY 

DEAR THROWING IT ALL AWAY: If she jumped from “it’s a crush” to “we should break up,” I am afraid that you aren’t salvaging this relationship. Perhaps this was her attempt to get out of the relationship. If she wanted to work on things, then she would not have jumped so quickly to the break-up conversation. I know it can be difficult to hear, but you don’t want to be with someone whose heart isn’t in it. You deserve to be loved completely and treated with respect. If she was unhappy, she should have been direct about it, but people aren’t always able to share what they feel. So, they self-sabotage instead. Cut your losses and walk away from this. I don’t see it heading anywhere good.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: Where do we go from here? This election has been tearing my family apart, with my son hardly speaking to us after Trump — who he voted for — won. Currently, my son lives with us so this has made it very uncomfortable. He lost his job months ago and split up with his girlfriend, so moved back in with us. He mostly spends his time looking for work and playing video games. In the last year, he has been following more and more extremists on podcasts and YouTube. When he would share his views or things he was hearing, my husband and I (who are moderate Democrats) would try to debunk a lot of it, but he didn't want to hear it. Now that Trump has won again, he feels as though he was right and validated in everything and doesn't “trust” us. We aren’t sure how to help him or how this will impact him moving forward. He’s 24-years-old and we don’t want him living with us forever. What should we do? 

– PARENTAL CONFUSION

DEAR PARENTAL CONFUSION: This is not a unique issue facing many American families right now. Politics has torn a lot of people apart – from both sides of the aisle – but what concerns me more than political views is the rampant misinformation and disinformation that was spread during this election cycle. Regardless of your political leanings or philosophical ideologies, we all deserve news that is accurate. A lot of these podcasts and YouTube shows are utilizing old misogynistic and racist tropes to garner views and engagement. And when people feel as though they are not being heard, they can fall into a trap of believing that the “other” is to blame. At the end of the day, he is still your son and it’s not as simple as cutting him out of your life. Instead, it may be time for a family meeting to discuss his goals of finding work and looking for an apartment he can afford. Beyond that, you are allowed to say that while having different beliefs is okay, it is not okay to give people the silent treatment when you live with them or treat them unkindly. If he can’t do the bare minimum of showing respect and gratitude to both of you, then he needs to find somewhere else to live immediately. Your relationship to him doesn’t excuse bad behavior and he’s a grown man. You don’t have to tolerate it, either. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I are not politically aligned, but that has never bothered me. He voted for Trump and I voted for Harris. But my friends who voted for Harris or Stein are extremely upset with me for continuing my relationship with him. They don’t understand how I can be with someone who voted against their rights. But I don’t look at it that way. He’s entitled to his positions just like I am to mine. It has made for some awkward conversations with my boyfriend and I, though. He thinks I should just drop these friends who are calling him out. But I am not sure what to do or who is right here? I just want everyone to get along like we used to. Nothing seems fun, anymore. It’s exhausting to be in the middle. Any advice?

– CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: This isn’t so much about what your friends believe or what your boyfriend’s beliefs are. This is about what you think and how you want to move in the world. Who are the people you want to surround yourself with? Will compartmentalizing your relationships work? Is this boyfriend someone you think you will spend your life with? If so, how does his vision for the future align (or not) with yours? Instead of worrying about everyone around you, it’s time to be introspective and discover what it is you can tolerate – and what you can’t — from friends and boyfriends alike.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga