DEAR NATALIE: I noticed something weird on my boyfriend’s Venmo. He’s been sending small payments to a woman I’ve never heard of. The notes are all emojis: a coffee cup, a winky face, once even a rose. When I asked who she was, he said she’s “just a friend from the gym” and that they grab drinks sometimes after workouts. But why am I finding out about this through Venmo? And why does he get so defensive when I bring it up?  I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something. Is this harmless, or is there something shady going on? – CRYING EMOJI

DEAR CRYING EMOJI: Be more direct about how this felt when you first discovered that he was sending another woman money. Actually, as I type this, I realize how unnecessary it is to give you any other advice than to do this: Leave. Him. This will only get worse the more entangled you become with him. There is absolutely no reason that he should be sending another woman money. Period. I don’t care if he tells you that he was just paying her back for buying drinks or whatever lie he will make up to cover his tracks. The proof is in his bank account. May this “love” never find you again. 

DEAR NATALIE: I lied about one thing on our first date and now it’s a giant secret that feels a little out of control. I told him I had a business degree but I never actually finished. It started as a tiny white lie because I panicked and tried to impress him when we first met. At the time, he was graduating law school, and I felt inadequate. Now we’re two years into a serious relationship and talking about moving in together. How do I tell him the truth without blowing up the whole relationship? I haven’t lied about anything else that is “major.” I am also employed. I just never finished my degree because of financial reasons. I was embarrassed to admit that and now not sure what to do. I could see myself marrying him. But I am afraid once he knows, he’ll think I’m a liar and break it off. Should I keep it to myself or come clean? – PANTS ON FIRE 

DEAR PANTS ON FIRE: You have to just tell him the truth and here’s why. If it is eating you up inside, it will come out. This is not a terrible secret. If you explain to him why you didn’t tell him the truth like you just shared with me, then he will understand. Being open and vulnerable is an important part of deepening trust and understanding in any relationship. This is a test for both of you. Can you share what is on your heart? And can he accept what you share and also why you didn’t tell him? I know time has passed and that this is awkward, but I promise you this. If you can make it through this hiccup, it will only bond you more tightly for the bumpy road ahead.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

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DEAR NATALIE: My partner went on a last-minute “overnight work trip” with a co-worker I’ve always had weird vibes about. They told me it was a mandatory conference, but when I asked for details, everything sounded vague. There was no itinerary, no hotel name, nothing. When they came back, they acted distant for a few days and kept their phone on silent, screen facedown. They never carry their phone with them from room to room in our house, but I noticed that they did that whenever I was around. A week later, one of their colleagues casually mentioned that the trip was optional and that most of the team didn’t go. Now I’m sick to my stomach wondering what really happened. Am I jumping to conclusions, or is something off here? – CAN’T SHAKE IT

DEAR CAN’T SHAKE IT: Clearly something is going on, or every alarm inside you wouldn’t be ringing. Not only would I confront him about what his colleague said, I would demand to see his phone. Catch him off guard. If he won’t let you, tries to delete things off of his phone or won’t let you on his apps, then you have your answer. He’s acting guilty of something and you just need to know what it is. Did he have an affair? Did he try to, but it didn’t work out? Was he just being coy because he needed a break and didn’t want you to feel bad? Who knows. He needs to come clean, or how can you move forward? It’s best that he does so you can work to repair the damage. If he won’t do that, how can he expect you to simply move on?

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend’s female best friend absolutely hates me. From the first day she met me, she’s been cold, passive-aggressive and weirdly territorial. She makes comments like, “You don’t really get him yet,” or, “He tells me everything. I’d know if something was wrong.” Recently, I found out she texts him late at night about her dating life and vents to him whenever she and her boyfriend fight. She also told him I’m “not his type” and that he “deserves someone more mature.” When I brought this up, my boyfriend brushed it off as her being “protective” because they’ve been friends since grade school. But I feel like I’m in a relationship with both of them. Am I being dramatic, or is this a serious boundary issue? – LEAVE ME ALONE

DEAR LEAVE ME ALONE: This behavior is absolutely not OK. She sounds jealous and even secretly in love with your boyfriend. I doubt he’d be happy if the situation were reversed and you had someone constantly chirping in your ear about why you should break up with him. Maybe he’s afraid to confront her. Maybe he’s also secretly in love with her, or maybe he just likes the attention she gives him. In any case, firm boundaries need to be set. She doesn’t have to like you or want to be your best friend, but she does need to be cordial. It’s also inappropriate that she does all of this while having a boyfriend. I wonder what he thinks of their dynamic? If your boyfriend can’t see how her behavior is affecting your relationship, you may need to say something like: “I appreciate that she’s a childhood friend, but I’m your girlfriend. If you want this relationship to progress, we have to figure this out. I won’t be treated like this or disrespected by her or by you.” If he still can’t understand why you’re upset, you’ll have to decide whether this relationship is worth it, especially if you keep coming in second to a “friend.”

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend has this “work wife,” and insists that this coworker is just a close friend. But lately it’s crossing a line. Every night, right before he goes to sleep, he texts her “goodnight (with a smile emoji)” or some inside-joke emoji that I don’t understand. When I asked why he needs to say goodnight to her, he said it’s “their joke” and that I’m being insecure. But it feels like he shares more daily updates and emotional check-ins with her than with me. They message all day, and sometimes he hides his phone or flips it over when she texts late at night. I don’t want to be controlling, but this is starting to feel like emotional cheating. Am I overreacting, or is this a real boundary issue? – FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: If he’s hiding his phone from you, sharing inside jokes and not telling you what they are, or flipping his phone over, then something more is going on here. Yes, technology can make any of us paranoid at times when it comes to our relationships. But his defensive behavior raises questions about his feelings for this “work wife.” You need to shut this down. If he can’t be honest with you about what is going on, then it may be time to walk away from this relationship. Why should you play second fiddle in your own relationship? He needs to figure out what he wants, and you need to decide what you can tolerate. Just think about it: If this is what he is showing you, then what else is he hiding?

DEAR NATALIE: I just found out — completely by accident — that my partner went to their ex’s birthday dinner last week. They didn’t tell me about it at all. I only learned because a mutual friend mentioned it and assumed I already knew. When I confronted my partner, they shrugged it off and said it “didn’t seem important” and they “didn’t want to make it a thing.” But now I’m stuck wondering why it was important enough to go, but not important enough to tell me. They didn’t think I’d care? Or they didn’t want me to ask questions? I’m not trying to be controlling, but something about the secrecy feels wrong. What should I do? – BIRTHDAY BREAKDOWN

DEAR BIRTHDAY BREAKDOWN: This is weird. Why would he go to his ex’s birthday party in the first place unless they are “just” friends, and why wouldn’t he tell you about it? If it’s not a big deal, why hide it? Something doesn’t add up here, and your instincts are spot-on. I would bring this up again and let him know it hurt your feelings that he didn’t tell you. While you trust him — assuming you did before this happened — hiding things like this only creates a wedge between you and plants seeds of doubt in the foundation of your relationship. I’m guessing he wouldn’t like it if the shoe were on the other foot. So why did he go? Is he still carrying a torch for her? You have the right to know where he stands before you continue further down this road together. If he’s holding back how he feels, then he needs to explain himself. That way, you can decide if the relationship is worth fighting for.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear