DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé’s ex-wife still has a key to his house and uses it whenever she feels like it. I recently moved in with my fiancé, and last week his ex-wife let herself in while I was home alone because she “needed a file.” He says it’s not a big deal because they co-parent peacefully, but I feel like a guest in my own home. We have plans to get married this fall, and I am worried she will still expect this level of freedom once I am his wife. Is this harmless co-parenting, or a red flag the size of a divorce decree? —NO KEYS, PLEASE

DEAR NO KEYS, PLEASE: You need to put your foot down on this issue immediately. This is not her house anymore, and there have to be boundaries set. It’s nice that they get along well, and I can understand his desire to keep the peace, but he also needs to recognize that the relationship has to shift in order to move forward. He needs to ask her for his key back. If she asks why, he can simply say that since he’s getting married, it’s a bit weird and awkward for you. There is truly no reason for her to have a key at this point, anyway, so he might as well just do it now. Happy wife, happy life, right? Hopefully he’s figured that out this second time around.

DEAR NATALIE: My partner of 11 years and I are currently in a good place. We went through a rough patch over the summer, and I became pretty close to his best friend during our separation. Nothing happened, but we talked constantly—and still do. We have chemistry that feels impossible to ignore at this point. What do I do with feelings that threaten to blow up everything, especially now that I’m back in a good place with my partner?�—CONFUSED BY LOVE

DEAR CONFUSED BY LOVE: Are you in a good place or do you think you were in a good place in the absence of fighting? Is this just the lull between battles with yourself or with him? While you might be going through this existential crisis, your partner’s friend might just be thinking this is all in good fun. Don’t assume he’s on the same level of emotional connection. Talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn’t have these feelings, then you need to cool it. If he does have these feelings, then you both need to decide whether you want to blow up a relationship of more than a decade and whether he wants to ruin a friendship. Either way, this probably isn’t about his friend but about you wanting to escape your reality in some aspect. Ask yourself what is missing in your relationships. If you can work on repairing it, then do that. Otherwise, it isn’t fair to keep your partner on the line.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My partner insists we’re “private,” but it feels like we’re a secret. We’ve been dating eight months. He says he doesn’t like posting online because he’s a “private person,” but his ex was all over his old Instagram. My friends haven’t met him. His family barely knows I exist. Is he protecting his privacy or protecting his options? I suggested a family dinner for New Year’s Day, and he has yet to give me a straight answer. Am I crazy to think at this point I should know more about the people in his life? What should I do? — TOO PRIVATE

DEAR TOO PRIVATE: Something is off with this whole situation. Not posting about your relationship is one thing, but why hasn’t he introduced you to his family after almost a year of dating? Either he has another partner outside of your relationship, or he isn’t as “committed” to you as you may think. I would sit him down for a heart-to-heart and say that at this point in the game, if he can’t open up more of his life to you, then you aren’t sure what you are doing. Assuming you are dating to find a life partner, his behavior won’t allow you to build a strong foundation based on mutual respect and trust. If he can’t open up his world to you, then why waste any more of your time with him?

DEAR NATALIE: I did a hugely uncharacteristic thing the other day. I was at a music venue and left a comment on the band’s social media page making a series of rude comments on the band’s social media page. The next day, I felt so bad, I made an apology post. Then yesterday, I made an even more remorseful post. This is eating me up. I am in my late 60s and consider myself to be a generally good-natured person. I feel so terrible. How do I let go of this, and could this uncharacteristic behavior be something much worse? Like a sign of Alzheimer’s? I’m really spiraling here. Please help. — CAN’T SLEEP

DEAR CAN’T SLEEP: Isn’t it funny how some people care so much about the way the world perceives them while others say the cruelest, dumbest stuff online and never look back at their ignorance or cruelty with any sense of introspection? Be glad you aren’t one of them. You are a human being, and we make mistakes on occasion. You apologized for your (small) transgression. Who knows if the band even read it? If they did, perhaps they just rolled their eyes and moved on. Even so, you left a few apologies, so give yourself some grace on this one and just let it go. If the reason this has you so ruffled has to do with your mental health, I would recommend you contact your doctor, if you have one, or reach out to a therapist to get their take on this situation. It’s not that deep. Most likely, you were just having a bad day and projected it onto the universe. If you continue to find yourself lashing out, could it be from stress? Are you sleeping enough and taking care of yourself? Plan some time to reflect on what helps you destress, center yourself and bring joy. You deserve that much.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

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DEAR NATALIE: I broke up with a terrific guy over his mother’s behavior. We’ve been dating for a few months, and his mother is showing her true colors. I have a very stressful job, which can cause my complexion to break out with cystic acne. Although I’m on medication, it flares up under extreme stress. This past week, while at his parents’ home for dinner, his mother exclaimed, “What is on your face?” I was so embarrassed that I got up from the table and drove myself home. Before I left, I heard him holler at her. He tried to stop me, but I just couldn’t go back into the house. I told him I didn’t see a future with such an awful potential mother-in-law. Later that night, his mother called to apologize. I thanked her for the call and hung up. The phone rang immediately — it was him asking why I had hung up. I told him I appreciated her apology, but there was no future for us with such an awful mother in the picture. He was stunned. Now I’m second-guessing myself. Should I try again with him, knowing what type of person she is? I read so many stories about unpleasant mothers-in-law. -MEAN MOTHER

DEAR MEAN MOTHER: I have found in life that when we ignore our instincts, we create unnecessary problems for ourselves. Your entire being rejected this encounter — you literally fled to get away from her. Don’t take that visceral reaction lightly. When we think about marriage, we also have to think about the family we inherit. While I respect that she called to apologize, we don’t know how much prodding her son had to do to get her to pick up the phone. The fact that he called you immediately afterward suggests he may have encouraged her to make amends for his sake. I appreciate his desire to fix things, but you have to follow your instincts. Life is hard enough. Why make it harder with a potential mother-in-law ready to point out every flaw?

DEAR NATALIE: I found out my husband is texting his ex when he’s drunk. He promises it “means nothing” and says he never sees her in person. But the messages are flirty and emotional, and he never remembers sending them because he’s blackout drunk. Is this a drinking problem? Is this how he really feels? I can’t help but think he doesn’t want me and secretly wants her. He says that’s not true and that I’m the love of his life. But how can I believe that when he’s blowing up her phone? What’s worse, she responds with cute emojis. She knows we are married. The whole thing is upsetting on another level. What should I do? I love my husband, but I can’t live with this much uncertainty about how he feels. — DON’T TEXT THE EX 

DEAR DON’T TEXT THE EX: Why does he even have her number? That’s the first question. The second is why he’s getting so drunk that he doesn’t remember doing this.

There are two separate issues feeding each other here: his need for attention and his relationship with alcohol. If this marriage has a chance of surviving, he needs to acknowledge that drinking is a problem and seek help. He also needs to cut all ties with his ex. Couples therapy would help you work through the trust issues, and individual counseling could help him get to the root of his binge drinking. If he refuses to do any of these things, then his words — “you’re the love of my life” — are meant to pacify you and nothing more. I hope that’s not the case.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb