Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A good buddy of mine has some real hygiene issues. I’m never sure if it’s him or his clothes that stink, but there are times it’s no fun hanging out with him. Would I be overstepping some line to tell him the truth? --- NEED A CLOTHESPIN

DEAR NEED A CLOTHESPIN: Think about whether you’d rather hear about a personal problem like this from a friend or a stranger. I suggest you be the one to tell him, before someone less caring has the chance. Be kind, but be honest.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom is a young-looking, attractive late 40-something, but I never see her in anything other than t-shirts, flannel shirts, and jeans. She’s very proud of the fact that some of her clothes go back to her college days, and when things wear out, she replaces them with the same style! She works in a food store, so she doesn’t need anything special for that, but when I try to talk to her about updating her wardrobe even a little, she tells me she doesn’t need or want to spend a lot of money on clothes she’s never going to wear.

I would think most women want to look good, why not my mom? --- DAUGHTER OF A FRUMP

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A FRUMP: Hey, if your middle-age mom still fits clothes from when she was in college, I say good for her.

However, she might be able to use something for dressier occasions, and that’s where your advice could come in handy. If you haven’t already, try taking her shopping and introducing her to more updated styles that might not be as far a cry from her usual look as she imagines. If money’s an issue, have her tag along with you to thrift or consignment shops and see if anything appeals to her there.

In the end, so long as your mother is honestly content with her everyday look, and it works for her current needs, then let her do her thing.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my boyfriend proposed to me, he presented me with his grandmother’s engagement ring. It’s pretty and all that, but not at all my style. I need some help telling him I would like something different. --- NOT LOVING THE ROCK

DEAR NOT LOVING THE ROCK: It may be that your fiancé can’t afford a new ring right now. It could be he sees his grandmother’s ring as a way to welcome you fully into his family. Or, perhaps he didn’t know where to even start choosing a ring for you. Whatever his motives, this is an early lesson in the necessity of communication and compromise in any successful long-term relationship.

You could ask what inspired him to go with the heirloom. Depending on his answer, you’ll have to decide how important the “perfect rock” is to you, and if it isn’t an option right now, so long as you love the guy who gave it to you, hopefully you’ll come to value his choice of rings too, even if it falls short of being your dream.