Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was a kid, my mom and dad always made sure Halloween was a big, fun deal for our family. My husband comes from a family with religious beliefs that Halloween is a bad thing, even a form of devil worship. Now that our oldest is old enough to go trick-or-treating, and even though my husband doesn’t still share his parents’ beliefs about the holiday and is okay with my taking our daughter out, he doesn’t think we should hand out candy. I really think he’s just being cheap, not principled. I’m planning on taking our daughter trick-or-treating, but I feel funny about no candy being given at our house. Should I give into guilt and keep our daughter home and that way at least I could hand out some candy? --- WOULD-BE TRICK-OR-TREAT MOM

DEAR WOULD-BE TRICK-OR-TREAT MOM: I say share your version of Halloween tomorrow night with your daughter and take her out trick-or-treating. If your husband wants to stay home and not answer the door, that’s up to him. You could try leaving a bowl of candy out so that at least some of the neighborhood kids get a treat. Believe it or not, I’ve seen this honor system offering work quite well in a several different neighborhoods when I was in the trick-or-treat mode with my own kids.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have only worked at my new job for 8 months, and company policy is you have to be on the job for 12 months before you get any paid time off.

My older sister is having her second baby in early December and she has already asked if I can help her for a few days after the baby is born. Because it will be a C-section delivery (like her first one was) she is figuring on needing extra help, and her husband, who travels a lot for his own business, is already locked into an important trip a few days after she’s expecting her C-section to be scheduled.

I support myself and really can’t afford to take much, if any, unpaid time off, but I also want to be there for my sister. I know it will mean a lot to her. What do I do? --- TRYING TO BE A GOOD SISTER

DEAR TRYING: There could be solutions available to you, but you need to run them by your HR department and/or boss.

Many companies will advance you personal time, taking it from your first accrued PTO allotment. You might have to jump through some hoops to apply for it, so don’t wait too long to ask.

Another option may be to see if you’d be allowed to formally or informally flex your hours or bank some overtime as comp time. This might only work for the pay periods surrounding your visit to your sister, but if it’s a possibility, it could reduce your amount of unpaid time off, if that’s what you end up having to take.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A good buddy of mine has some real hygiene issues. I’m never sure if it’s him or his clothes that stink, but there are times it’s no fun hanging out with him. Would I be overstepping some line to tell him the truth? --- NEED A CLOTHESPIN

DEAR NEED A CLOTHESPIN: Think about whether you’d rather hear about a personal problem like this from a friend or a stranger. I suggest you be the one to tell him, before someone less caring has the chance. Be kind, but be honest.