Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I share a small office with a guy I’ll call “Joe.” There is no doubt he is a hard worker. There is also no doubt he is an idea thief. Being in the same office as him I have more than once heard him admiring a concept shared with one of us by a coworker. Next thing you know, Joe is pitching it as his own to the boss. He hasn’t tried it with me yet, but I figure it’s just a matter of time.

People are beginning to catch on, but because the boss thinks Joe is some kind of business genius with all these profitable ideas, everyone keeps their mouths shut. Besides, no one wants to look like a crybaby or a whistle-blower in front of our boss, who makes no secret of how great he thinks Joe is. The only thing I can think to do is warn as many people as I can to keep their ideas to themselves to avoid having Joe claim them as his own. Is that wrong? I hate the idea of backstabbing someone, but Joe has no problem doing it. --- MY OFFICEMATE IS A THIEF

DEAR MY OFFICEMATE IS A THIEF: Going behind Joe’s back probably won’t help the situation, and sounds like something you’re not particularly comfortable doing anyway.

A more diplomatic alternative is, each time a pilfered idea is openly presented by Joe, immediately and publicly mention, “Hey, that’s the same idea ________ had.” Do it without accusation, but rather as another example of how great minds think alike. It not only discretely calls Joe out, but it gives the real originator a chance to claim due credit.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Last year was my first married Christmas. My husband followed in his mother’s footsteps and went nuts with decorating our house inside and out. I thought it looked terrible and he thought it was a work of art.

I do not want to completely burst his bubble, but I also do not want to live in Santa Land. Is there a nice way of telling him too much is too much? --- BURIED IN TINSEL

DEAR BURIED IN TINSEL: The upside to your problem is that you married someone who gets into the holiday spirit. It sounds like he inherited his mother’s enthusiasm and wants to continue the traditions he grew up with.

While I understand your frustration, rather than give into it, consider putting up with your husband’s decorating overload as the first gift of Christmas this year. In Christmas Future, consider persuading him to let you work alongside him so you can infuse some of your ideas of how the holidays should look.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Every year my parents come to visit me, my aunt, and my grandmother, as we live close to each other.

I am 32 years old and live with a roommate in a small two-bedroom/2.5 bath apartment.

My issue is that when they come to visit, my parents always expect that they will stay with me and take my bedroom. Because of this I end up sleeping on the couch for a week. If I was able to afford my own place with a spare bedroom this would not be an issue. As it is, they would be insulted if I asked them to get a hotel, and due to my grandmother’s and aunt’s hoarding tendencies, they are unable to stay with them.

What are my options? --- STUCK ON THE COUCH

DEAR STUCK ON THE COUCH: You didn’t mention how your roommate feels about this annual visit. How it affects him or her might provide you with a good argument against even temporarily doubling your home’s population.

Another thing to consider is perhaps your parents wouldn’t feel the same about staying in a hotel if you offered to stay with them, sharing the cost of a two-bedroom suite.

You could also explore short-term vacation rentals like Airbnb, HomeAway, or FlipKey. Depending on where you live, some of these turnkey accommodations may be more expensive than a hotel, but if you sell it to your parents as a mini-vacation for you too, it might be more appealing to them.

If these options are too costly or not viable for other reasons, I encourage you to grin and bear the visit for the week Mom and Dad are in town. Being with you, in your own home, may be something they look forward to and enjoy.