Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Last Halloween, a group of kids spray-painted cuss words on the street and several trees in our neighborhood. We had only moved in a few weeks before, and we didn’t really know any of the neighbors. Since then, we’ve made friends with several, and although our kids are still very young, it’s mostly teenagers who live in the houses closest to ours.

One of the teenagers who sometimes babysits for us told me that there are plans to take the graffiti a step further this year and hit the library down the street, and the elementary school where our daughter goes to kindergarten. She told me who came up with this idea, and it’s the twin sons of the people who live two doors down.

Do I say something to their parents? I don’t like the idea of curse words being sprayed all over our neighborhood, much less on the library and elementary school. --- DO I TELL?

DEAR DO I TELL: Old-school Halloween pranks like doorbell ringing and toilet-papering someone’s shrubs are generally harmless. What you’re talking about is vandalism, and that’s criminal.

Since you’re working on hearsay, even if it’s from what you consider a reliable source, rather than confronting the parents of the potential spray-painters, you might want to notify your HOA or neighborhood watch, if you have one. Also contacting the local police that there are rumors of upcoming destructive activities might result in a heightened police presence that could serve as a deterrent to the would-be vandals.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know my wife is super close to her parents, and I like spending time with them. But it seems since we got married, we spend more time with her family than mine. My mom hasn’t said anything about it, but I can tell she feels like we don’t come around too much.

I have mentioned that I’d like to put in more time with my family, and my wife says okay, and then it never happens, or at least it takes a few weeks for her to make time to get to my mom’s house. Both sets of parents live pretty close to us, so it isn’t like we have to do a lot of travelling.

It’s beginning to bug me, and I don’t know what to do to make the situation better. --- LOOKING FOR EQUAL TIME

DEAR LOOKING FOR EQUAL TIME: It’s probably worth it to remind your wife about your desire to spread out your parent time more evenly between the two families. Having “mentioned it to her” sounds as if it’s something that came up casually, and she may not yet understand this is becoming an issue for you, and perhaps your mom.

Since both your families live nearby, maybe you could invite all the in-laws over to your place more often. That way you’d have at least a chance to keep things on a more equitable footing. This is not a substitute for having separate time with each family, but it might help prevent hard feelings down the road by letting both sides know you’re at least making an effort.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My fiancé and I are getting married in late November and his brother and old buddies have already started planning the bachelor party.

My fiancé is far from wild, but his brother and some of the other guys are. I don’t want to be the jealous, crazy bride, but how do I let my fiancé know I’m not thrilled with the talk of wild times ahead? --- NERVOUS BRIDE

DEAR NERVOUS BRIDE: You shouldn’t feel weird about letting your fiancé know what’s on your mind. If you’re marrying the man, you hopefully have already established a basis of trust.

For safety’s sake, though, you might want to make sure that at least one of the guys attending the party is more on the responsible side, especially since you feel the planners aren’t.