Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have taught Sunday school for the past fifteen years and recently I was asked to fill in for the youth ministry leader, who was on maternity leave.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I don’t shock easily, but some of the things I heard these kids talking about in our discussion group made me cringe. These kids talked openly ─ in front of an adult who’s known them since they were little ─ about sex, alcohol, drugs, social media stalking and slanders, and more topics than I can remember ─ or care to!

What are the odds these kids were putting on a show for the old Sunday schoolmarm, or is this for real? And if it’s for real, how much do you suppose their parents know? --- SHOCKED TO THE CHOIRLOFT

DEAR SHOCKED TO THE CHOIRLOFT: I suspect you were treated to at least equal parts fact and fiction. While I wouldn’t venture to guess how much kids have changed over the years as far as what they do or don’t do, there certainly seems to be a greater level of openness and lack of self-consciousness among many, and the expectation that everyone is largely unfiltered.

How much their parents know is anyone’s guess, as is how much they’d care to know, and a fair topic for you to take up with their usual adult leader.

Consider your stint as fly-on-the-wall as a chance to gain both a little knowledge and wisdom, which may give you new insights as a religious instructor.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandmother passed a few years ago, and last spring, the retriever she and my grandfather had since the dog was a pup also died. That left Grandpa all alone, which I don’t think he’s ever been in his whole life.

I want to get him another dog to keep him company, but my parents keep saying they don’t think it’s a good idea, because Grandpa is getting up there and taking care of a dog may not be the best thing for him. I disagree and think they would see how good it is for him if we got him a dog.

Who do you think is right here? --- GRANDPA NEEDS A BUDDY

DEAR GRANDPA NEEDS A BUDDY: It’s sometimes easy to over- or underestimate the abilities of our loved ones as they age.

Your parents may be aware of issues your grandfather is facing that might make pet ownership not in his best interest right now. Talk with them about the specifics of why they feel as they do.

Since you believe you have a valid argument for how much good a pet would be for your grandfather, perhaps together with your parents, you can come up with options, like a different kind of lower-maintenance pet; a dog beyond the demands of puppyhood; or, if practical, a dog specifically trained to be a companion for an older owner.

Finally, bring your grandfather into the discussion. He’ll have his own views on the subject, and you and your parents need to hear what he has to say.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When our daughter got married last year, she and her then fiancé agreed to pay a third of the expenses of the wedding. Granted, they paid for the gown, the invitations, and some of the decorations, but that left us paying for far more than two-thirds of the cost.

My wife doesn’t want me to push for more money, but I’m going on the principle of the thing. I think they need to keep to their agreement, don’t you? --- STUCK WITH THE BILL

DEAR STUCK WITH THE BILL: I’m with you that they need to make good on the agreement. It’s possible they think they’ve covered their portion and need to be given an idea of what was put out by the time the party was over.

If the newlyweds are facing a lot of expenses right now, you might consider setting up a repayment plan that isn’t too scary for them. Down the road, you could choose to forgive some part of the debt to keep your wife happy, but a little effort ─ at the least ─ needs to be made by your daughter and new son-in-law.