DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both my husband and I come from the New York City area. We and our children moved to South Carolina a few years ago.

Late last year our oldest daughter’s boyfriend asked her to marry him, and she said yes. We’re planning a summer wedding, and our daughter has her heart set on it being a formal affair. We found a venue that will work with us on all the COVID restrictions our state requires. It’s just the kind of elegant setting the bride and groom have in mind, and in keeping with the venue’s atmosphere, they want the guests to dress in formal attire. Our daughter has been working on finding the right way to make this clear on the invitation without coming off as a bridezilla. We’ve lived in this area long enough to know its more casual mindset, which makes for wonderful daily living, but it’s still an adjustment for us Northerners to see that the same casual is the standard for even special occasions.

How can the invitation be worded to avoid offending anyone, but still make it clear we’re planning on this being a dressy event? --- LOOKING FOR FORMAL

DEAR LOOKING FOR FORMAL: Just as it was back in the good old days, it seems not uncommon to include the dress code on a wedding invitation, even in our less formal times. If your daughter prefers to avoid more stringent wording such as the traditional “Formal attire required,” then perhaps the invitation could read something like, “Guests are encouraged to dress in their best,” or the more definitive “Black Tie Preferred,” which would hopefully indicate that guests are expected to err on the side of overdressing.

If the couple has a page on The Knot or another wedding website, some gentle guidance could be included, which might prove especially useful for the younger guests, who are more likely to consult the page leading up to the main event and also perhaps be less knowledgeable about what “black tie” means. They might be relieved to know tuxes or gowns aren’t necessary, but a dark suit or fancy cocktail dress would fit the bill nicely, and be less costly options.

Come the wedding, you may still have some guests show up in more casual attire, but at the end of the day, what counts is the celebration of the start of a new life for a young couple.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband is always defending his “little” brother, “Paul”, whenever I or his mom complain that it always seems like Paul’s “back problems” flare up whenever we could use a hand with some manual labor. My husband, who has bad knees, ends up taking it all on, so Paul doesn’t have to.

The last time my in-laws needed to get shoveled out after a major snowstorm, Paul said he was having a flare-up and couldn’t help. So my husband, my 70-year-old father-in-law, and I moved the two feet of snow out of the driveway and off the front walk. It took us nearly three hours, and the next day, my husband woke up with a knee the size of a grapefruit, while Paul was posting snowboarding shots on Instagram.

I so wanted to show the pictures to my in-laws, but that would just make things worse, at least for my mother-in-law.

I want to tell my jerk of a brother-in-law off, but my husband doesn’t want me to. Don’t you think I have a right to? I just hope my mother-in-law lets him have it. --- STEAMED SIL

DEAR STEAMED SIL: While I don’t blame you for being angry, I’d let your mother- and father-in-law handle this one. Flaunting photo evidence of their son’s apparent selfishness would probably only hurt them.

Your husband knows how you feel, and hopefully he’ll change his mind and say something directly to his brother that gives him a clear idea of how much he lets everyone — especially his parents and big brother — down.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter-in-law is a bright, sweet, loving young woman, but she tends to jump on the latest-greatest cooking/diet fads. Good for her, I say, except when I have to eat it too, which has been the case for the past six months, while I have been living with my son’s family waiting to move into a new condo. It’s been under construction for nearly a year, and I sold my house, anticipating I would have moved in long before now. Construction is behind, and so what was to be a two month at the most visit, has turned into a longer-term houseguest arrangement.

I enjoy being with my son and his wife and we all seem to get along well. I even find I can help out some around the house, including paying them rent and doing little things, like cooking dinner for them, since I get back from work earlier than they do most days. Only now that my daughter-in-law’s gone vegan, there isn’t much I can do beyond cutting things up and putting them aside until she’s home. It’s also not my kind of eating. I’m far from being a complete carnivore, but I do like a varied diet, and since she’s now all vegan, all the time, I try to have a more substantial lunch at work than I’d usually have to keep from being hungry later in the day, especially after having just eaten dinner. I also have a stash of snack food in my borrowed bedroom, which is not something I like having to do.

I know my son is as thrilled about this latest meal plan as I am, and although he has said nothing, I suspect he too is filling up before heading home for the day.

I think he should say something to his wife about how unpopular this particular diet is around here. Both my son and I have done research on veganism and compared notes. What we found is disturbing. If not properly done, a vegan diet can be dangerous for the dieters.

Am I right to encourage my son to step up and tell his wife what we’re feeling? I learned long ago to never be the meddling in-law, and this feels a bit borderline to me. --- HUNGRY HOUSEGUEST

DEAR HUNGRY HOUSEGUEST: The smart practice is nearly always, as you say, to be the non-interfering in-law, but I can see why you have concerns. While I’m all for healthy habits, after doing a little of my own research, it looks to me like vegan diets can be a real challenge to get right for the dieter.

Even though you and your son are on the same page, I think you may be better off letting him do the opinion-sharing within the privacy of his and his wife’s relationship.