DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I married into an affluent family, and I love hosting dinners for my in-laws.

My gay brother-in-law, who is my favorite person, always asks if he could bring his lover, who everyone knows is with him for the money. My brother-in-law is rich and has been vocal about being generous with his lover because he is lonely.

My issue is this, his lover is not very well-mannered. Each time he comes to my home for dinner, he acts like he has not eaten for days. He behaves in a way that causes me annoyance, and I end up resenting hosting the family.

It has come to the point where I get anxiety each time I think about it. What should I do? Should I stop inviting my brother-in-law or be honest and say, “Do not bring your lover”? --- ANXIOUS HOSTESS

DEAR ANXIOUS HOSTESS: Even though you have multiple issues with your brother-in-law’s choice of lovers, he is, unfortunately, it seems part of the package deal for large family gatherings if you want to avoid hurting your brother-in-law. Think of how you’d feel if one of your relatives invited only you, and not your husband, to a family party.

Whether or not your brother-in-law’s clueless about his lover’s social shortcomings, if his companion makes him happy, then it might be best if you continue to simply and graciously grin and bear his presence in your home.

Since your anxiety seems to center on large dinner parties, I don’t see why you shouldn’t arrange time with just your favorite brother-in-law, without his companion. Make it the type of get-together that would be less conducive to having his unpopular other half along. I’m thinking intimate, immediate family meals, or outings doing something both he and you enjoy, and at which a third wheel would be awkward.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been trying to reassure my transgender cousin that she will be welcome at our grandparents’ golden wedding anniversary dinner being put together by our parents. Still, she thinks the older relatives will react badly, and that she has already been through enough with some of her old “friends” and coworkers, who just don’t get why she took the steps she did.

Our grandparents, my immediate family, and several of the other cousins and their families are all supportive, and she knows and appreciates that. It’s the other members of the older generation she thinks will flip, even though they know about her decision. For most of my grandparents’ generation’s relatives, it will be the first time they’ve seen her since the transition, and while I admit they can be old school conservative, we also come from a big Italian family tradition where everyone’s usually made to feel welcome.

How do we convince my cousin we’ve got her back, and that after an initial adjustment, so will at least some of the old-timers? --- WE’RE BEHIND HER

DEAR WE’RE BEHIND HER: Sadly, I think your cousin is being realistic about how she may be received by some family members. While her decision to transition may be more generally accepted these days, it was certainly not something most people had much experience with even a generation ago.

The open reception and support of your grandparents and other close family members can help set the tone, and hopefully, make things more comfortable for both your cousin and the older family members, who may need a little time to get used to the new realities, both within your family and in our society. If you can convince your cousin of that, perhaps she’ll feel more confident about stepping into the wider family circle.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I always thought I had a solid relationship with my son, especially after his mom left us when he was four. With her out of our lives, my parents stepped in to help, for which I have always been grateful.

My son is now in the eighth grade, and I feel like he is moving further from me at the same time as he is bonding more strongly with my father. I hate feeling jealous, but I do when I see that they have this special thing that I am not allowed to be part of.

I have been close with my dad all my life, even when I was overseas for nearly four years. He and my mom have been real lifesavers, but I do not like feeling pushed away.

How do I make sure I don’t lose my closeness with my son without offending my father? --- MISSING OUT

DEAR MISSING OUT: As you’ve probably pieced together, your son is getting to an age where he’s naturally going to start branching out into a life all his own. I think it’s a good thing that he’s staying close to his grandfather. As he gets further into the teen years, it may be a big help for him to have a trusted adult, who isn’t his father, to confide in and look for guidance from. So long as you believe your dad is a good candidate for the role, I say, let it be.

This doesn’t mean you should give up on working to stay close to your son. Just make allowance for the changes he’s going to be facing on his road to adulthood. Having two good men in his corner would be a real blessing, now and in the future.