DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My roommate is probably the most beautiful woman I know. She is also smart. But when she gets around men, she becomes something entirely different, it’s like she feels she has to be someone she isn’t to impress them. And it seems to work. The guys fall for who they think she is, and although she doesn’t ever seem to fall for them, she seems to enjoy the effect she has on them. I find it weird and a little disturbing, like I don’t always know her.

I really respect the woman I know, but wonder if I should say anything to her about how her alter ego comes off. Do you think it would be a good thing to do? --- TWO ROOMMATES IN ONE

DEAR TWO ROOMMATES IN ONE: Two possibilities come to mind that might explain your roommate’s quick-change mode. Either she isn’t as confident as you think she is, and so slips into a persona she believes is more generally pleasing to men; or she enjoys toying with the guys she intentionally dazzles.

A third thought is that she uses her alter ego, as you call it, as a kind of litmus test to see what guys fall for the fake and which ones don’t.

To avoid coming off as judgmental, which your feelings about her behavior may appear, any private conversations with her on the subject might be best presented as an exploration of her motives, rather than an observation of what you think she’s doing wrong. However, my guess is she’ll continue to do what works best for her, especially if it’s yielded desired results in the past.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife is pregnant with our first child, and some of my friends laugh about my “feeling her pain,” including being nauseous most of the time. They think it’s a joke.

But I figured out I’m having what they used to call “sympathy pregnancy” back in the day, and now what I found out is called Couvade syndrome, and since some of my male friends have also had it, I now am a believer.

What I find interesting is that women get a lot of sympathy for their symptoms, but those of us experiencing sympathy pregnancy get laughed at. I’ve stopped mentioning my symptoms around people, because I don’t want it to look like I’m competing with my wife for attention, especially since I am fully grateful to her for doing the “heavy lifting,” as my dad calls it.

Do you think I’m right to keep the lid on how I’m feeling? --- FEELING HER PAIN

DEAR FEELING HER PAIN: I did a little quick research on this topic as well and was surprised to see the estimates of how many of the non-pregnant partners claim to feel at least some of the symptoms of pregnancy. Personally, I think it gives the partners who experience this phenomenon invaluable insight into what their other half is going through.

As for sharing what you’re sometimes feeling with others, that might be a situation-by-situation call. For instance, letting those close to you know is one thing, but oversharing at work may look more like either, as you suggest, an attention grab or an excuse to not perform at your usually expected level.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my wife and I divorced almost seven years ago, my son and daughter were still in high school. It was a bad split, and it took a toll on both kids. We tried to keep the details of the divorce from them, but they found out from other people (mostly my ex-wife’s family) that the reason we split was because she was having affairs with two different men in her office. At the time, and for a long time afterwards, her own family was pissed at her. They thought she was a fool to throw away her family, and when the time came to make custody arrangements, that’s what she did. She practically volunteered to give me full custody, with one weekend a month as her time with her son and daughter.

Now that my kids are adults, my daughter has accepted her mother’s attempts to patch things up. My ex was in counseling for a long time, and still is, I think, and from some things my daughter has said, the reconciliation with her kids is part of her treatment.

My son continues to want to distance himself from his mom. He has had a couple bad fights with his sister over it, because his sister believes much of what their mother did was brought on by mental illness. Her brother believes it was all just because she was a selfish b

ch.

I’ve tried to stay out of it, but it makes me sad to think that my son cannot reconcile with his mother. It isn’t on my account. I’ve made peace with the whole situation and moved on with my life, as has my daughter.

What can I say to my son to help him also forgive, even if he can’t forget what his mother did? I see him becoming cynical about women in general sometimes, and that isn’t a good thing. --- DON’T WANT MY SON TO BE A HATER

DEAR DON’T WANT MY SON TO BE A HATER: Since he likely views you as a co-sufferer of your ex-wife’s past actions, it could be hard for your son to accept that you’ve honestly forgiven her. You can encourage him to at least be open to her overtures, but it’s probable his bitterness will get in the way of hearing what either you or your ex has to say, as demonstrated by his reaction to his sister’s choice to reconcile. It may happen over time, or it may be that he’ll never have a working relationship with his mom, regardless of anything you say or do.

It might be time to try to persuade him to seek professional counselling. I see a big red flag in how your son’s feelings about his mother are beginning to taint his view of women in general. My guess is he doesn’t see his behavior as an issue; but continuing on his current path is pointing him toward a future of failed relationships with women other than his mom.