Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend can be the hardest-working guy I know, but then he drives me crazy, because even though he used to work in construction and knows tons about how to build and fix things, our place is always falling apart.

We have been needing a new floor in the master bedroom since we moved into the house, there’s a big hole in the master bath where a medicine chest is supposed to be, and the shower in the second bathroom needs a new head ─ to name a few of the repairs that need to be made. He keeps telling me he’ll get to it, and he never does.

This is probably the guy I will marry, but I don’t want to have to nag him all my life. Should I just forget asking him and live with the house as it is? --- JUST WANT IT FIXED

DEAR JUST WANT IT FIXED: In my experience, nagging rarely accomplishes much beyond creating even more tension and resentment.

Perhaps you should tell your boyfriend you’re thinking of hiring professionals to come in and get a few wish list items knocked off. And then be prepared to follow through on one or two of the smaller, more affordable jobs.

A dinged pride and shelling out money may provide the motivation your ongoing requests don’t; and even if taking action on your own doesn’t inspire your boyfriend to get busy, at least you’ll be making progress toward getting your home more comfortable for yourself.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My granddaughter has been doing gymnastics since she was five years old. Since early middle school she has been focusing on power tumbling, and has gotten good enough to compete at both the state and regional levels.

I’m thrilled that she does so well and is so talented and dedicated, but honest to God, I cannot stand going to the competitions. I don’t mind that they go on for so long, but I am a basket case every time my granddaughter does one of her routines. Over the years I’ve seen some of these girls get seriously hurt. Thankfully so far all my granddaughter and her teammates have suffered are minor injuries, but I guess I am the superstitious kind. I believe if you push your luck long and hard enough, something bad will happen.

I have told my son and daughter-in-law I just can’t do it any longer. They were not happy about it, but kind of understand. However, they won’t tell my granddaughter why I don’t want to go to any more of her competitions. They think my fear could be transferred to her and then she will get hurt.

How do I tell my granddaughter how I feel without planting fear? --- CAN’T WATCH THE TUMBLES

DEAR CAN’T WATCH THE TUMBLES: I’m guessing your granddaughter and her teammates are well aware of the dangers of their demanding sport. I also can see where her parents’ concerns regarding your sharing of your fears are coming from, and wouldn’t be surprised if they feel much the same as you do. However, they have less of a choice in the matter of attending the competitions.

Perhaps you could let your granddaughter know you aren’t available on the day of the next competition, but that you’re going to ask her parents to video her routine so you don’t miss out on it entirely. Her reaction might give you a hint as to whether or not your being there in person makes much of a difference to her. She may count on you as a key part of her cheering section, or it’s possible you learn she’s more than okay with your making it up to her by watching it from the comfort of your own home or hers.

Once you get a reading on her reaction, you’ll have something to go on in making a decision about attending future competitions in-person or not.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’ve worked at a few different companies since I started in sales fulltime. Every other place I’ve been at has paid for business cards and at least some promotional items, like posters and flyers for public events I’m assigned to run.

Where I work now is different. They don’t pick up the cost for any of those things. Instead, sales staff gets a set salary, based on seniority, with a fairly small commission, dependent on companywide quarterly earnings, which wouldn’t be that bad if they also didn’t expect us to pay for items that help their bottom line.

I know I’m not the only one upset by this practice, and I can’t afford to leave the job this soon after starting it. Do you think this is any way to run a company? --- DON’T HAVE DEEP POCKETS

DEAR DON’T HAVE DEEP POCKETS: It may be that your new company is still operating in a business-not-as-usual mode if their bottom line has been compromised over the past year or so.

I would have guessed this non-reimbursable out-of-pocket expectation would have come up during your interview, but if it’s part of the job, it’s something you either have to live with or walk away from. As it sounds like you’re locked into the current job for a while, you could check into what, if any, of your layouts may be tax deductible to help take some of the bite out of the situation. And learn from this experience by remembering to include the “who provides what” conversation before taking any future jobs.