Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my closest friend was turning 30, a bunch of us who have known her forever decided to celebrate in a big way. She’s been through some tough times with her health, and it still isn’t great, but a celebration at a local upscale restaurant was agreed on as a way to pamper and treat our friend.

Since I suggested the place, I didn’t mind making the arrangements and covering the down payment required for a party of our size. I figured the seven of us who came up with the idea would all pitch in and we discussed what everything would approximately cost and that it would be an even split.

We had the party and it was terrific. But, when it came time to divvy up the balance of the final cost of the meal, I calculated what each woman owed me based on an-eight way split paid six ways since I’d already covered the 15% down payment, which came to more than the share I was asking of everyone else.

For whatever reason, two of the other women thought I was dumping on them when it came to the final bill. They made some passive-aggressive “jokes” about my getting out of paying my fair share, and since then, I’ve gotten a cold vibe from them, even though they Venmoed their payments to me.

It kind of hurts, because not only did I pay more at the very start, but I also bought flowers for our friend and small favors for everyone.

Should I make a big deal out of the fact that I paid more than my share, or just let it go? --- PLAN TO NEVER PLAN A PARTY AGAIN

DEAR PLAN TO NEVER PLAN A PARTY AGAIN: If you took it upon yourself to buy the flowers and favors, then that becomes part of your gift to your friend, and not ammunition in your defense against the grousers.

As to covering more than your share of the meal, since it sounds like it’s only two out of the group who are making an issue of how the final cost was distributed, then perhaps you need to openly remind them that you did your paying up-front and even offer to get them a copy of the bill to help back your claim.

If that doesn’t work, I’d chalk it up to you can’t please everyone, especially if they’re inclined to suspect others of always trying to get one over on them.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I live with my grandparents for now. My dad got transferred to his company’s London office, and when my younger brothers, my mom, and my dad all went over there, I wanted to stay in our town so I can graduate from the high school I’ve been going to for the last three years.

When my parents were back home last month they met my boyfriend. For some reason, they decided they hate him and don’t want me to be seeing him anymore. They won’t tell me why, but they’ve been pressuring me to break up with him.

He has been at my grandparents’ house a bunch of times, and they always seemed to really like him, until my parents started in on him. Now they have started telling me how he isn’t the one for me.

I honestly don’t get it. I have met his family, and they are really nice people, and so is he. My parents only met him twice for a short time, and they decided there’s something wrong with him, or at least with my being with him.

I have never had problems with my parents not liking my friends before, so why are they starting now, when I finally have a boyfriend I really like and who seems to really like me? --- WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?

DEAR WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?: Since your parents didn’t share any specific reasons for disapproving of you having a boyfriend, I wonder if it’s because they’re not comfortable with you dating when they’re not around to keep an eye on things. In defense of your mom and dad, it may not be easy for them to be separated from you during this important time in your life.

So long as they haven’t forbidden your continuing to see your boyfriend, then consider giving them time to get used to this new situation. If your new relationship gets stronger, and he treats you with respect, then eventually your parents may become reconciled to your being with him.

Also, if your grandparents continue to be wary of your boyfriend, talking to them about why may give you some insight into where the adults are coming from. Be open to what they have to say, and in time, if the relationship seems like a healthy one to them and they regain their favorable opinion of your young man, then your grandparents could prove your strongest allies in convincing your parents they were hasty in their initial judgement.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have a health freak girlfriend, who is insisting we hand out the veggie chips and vegan snack packs she spent a bundle on to the neighborhood trick or treaters. I bought two mega bags of those little candy bars that my mom always bought and handed out on Halloween.

I’m trying to convince my girlfriend our house will get egged if we try and give out her “treats.” She insists I return mine to the store, but I’m not going to do that and risk pissing off every kid in a six-block radius.

Don’t you think trick or treaters deserve real treats? --- READY FOR TRICK OR TREAT

DEAR READY FOR TRICK OR TREAT: Times are changing, and you may be surprised by what appeals to kids these days.

I see a very simple solution to this argument. Have two bowls ready, one with your girlfriend’s snacks, and one with your candy bars. Let the trick or treaters decide which they want. Undoubtedly, some will dip into both bowls, but by the end of the night, the leftovers will help prove which, if either of you, took the more accurate measure of the neighborhood kids’ treat preferences.