Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I didn’t tell my parents when I broke up with the girl I had been seeing for nearly two years. It was a friendly breakup, but I knew my parents, especially my mom, really liked her, and hoped we would stay together, and maybe even get married.

My mom called me last night and tore into me because she had run into my ex at the mall, and that is how she found out we weren’t together anymore. Not only is my mom disappointed, but she kept telling me how embarrassing it was to find out this way, by asking my ex when she and I would be coming over for dinner again.

Now I feel like a jerk, but I am also a grown man and do not think I have to tell my mommy every detail of my life. Am I wrong here? --- MY OWN BUSINESS

DEAR MY OWN BUSINESS: Yes, as an adult you’re entitled, and expected, to run your own life. But you also have to keep in mind that some aspects of your life spill over into other people’s as well. Not only was it awkward for your mom, but I’m betting it was no picnic for your ex-girlfriend either.

By keeping the breakup from your parents, you really accomplished nothing, because if your concern was upsetting your mom with unwelcome news, not only did she still hear it, but had the extra bonus of being put on the spot in a mutually unpleasant situation with your ex.

The takeaway here is that it’s generally better to break difficult news personally, and in a timely fashion.

DEAR READERS: Many of us have close connections to people who’ve been in the military.

With over 18 million veterans in the U.S., it’s more than fitting that we have a national holiday celebrating their service. It’s also an opportunity to acknowledge and express gratitude to the loved ones who’ve likewise served in countless, if less high-profile ways.

If you’ve served in uniform and/or from the home front, I sincerely thank you, and ask you to share a few words of your experiences with your fellow readers on this Veterans Day.

Just as importantly, if you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD or other residual mental or physical issues connected to military service, please reach out to someone who can help you, or who can work alongside you to find the help you need. There’s no shame in seeking the support that can enable you to heal and move forward.

Thank you again to all who served.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: All or lives, whenever we have an argument, I am always the one who ends up apologizing to my younger sister. I think it comes from when we were kids and my mother always took her side, because she is the “baby” of the family, and my mother made and still makes me feel like since I am the older sister, I should be the “grown-up,” and she stands by that even when it is totally clear my sister is in the wrong.

No matter how much I try to break this cycle, I am the one who backs down and I am tired of it. I have spoken to my mom and asked her to butt out, and although she did not take it well, she agreed. Now I have to let my sister know she is not always right. How do I do that, though, without starting yet another fight? --- NOT ALWAYS WRONG

DEAR NOT ALWAYS WRONG: It seems to me working it out with your mother to stay clear of future disagreements with your sister will prove a big step in the right direction. Now, it’s up to you to stand up for yourself and your opinions around your sister.

What I believe will be key is your making sure, as completely as you can, that you are indeed in the right, at least in objective areas of disagreement. Obviously, when the topic is subjective, you and your sister may never find common ground, but for your own peace of mind, rather than engaging, speak your piece and then walk away before a conflict can begin. Hopefully, she’ll quickly get the point of the new example you’re setting.