Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Every time I come home, going back to when I was still in college, my mom gets excited to make me my favorite meals, especially her homemade mac and cheese. It is one of those 700 calorie per serving recipes, which worked really well when I was playing football, but not what I need now that I am trying to maintain a healthy weight.

I do not want to offend her, but every time I come home for a visit, I gain weight, and that is not a good thing. How do I let her know I just cannot eat like that anymore? --- TRYING TO EAT RIGHT

DEAR TRYING TO EAT RIGHT: First, a word in your mother’s defense. As you no longer live under her roof, she may not have any way to reasonably know what your daily routine looks like, so starting a conversation with her about your usual diet might be the best way to help her know what you now consider right for you.

Another option is the good old portion control rule. If Mom’s traditional mac and cheese is twice the caloric count you’re used to for a main meal, then take a smaller portion. That could serve as a hint to your mother that your eating habits have changed and provide you two an opening to discuss how you can continue to enjoy some of your favorite comfort foods while visiting home, and still keep truer to your preferred diet.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I didn’t tell my parents when I broke up with the girl I had been seeing for nearly two years. It was a friendly breakup, but I knew my parents, especially my mom, really liked her, and hoped we would stay together, and maybe even get married.

My mom called me last night and tore into me because she had run into my ex at the mall, and that is how she found out we weren’t together anymore. Not only is my mom disappointed, but she kept telling me how embarrassing it was to find out this way, by asking my ex when she and I would be coming over for dinner again.

Now I feel like a jerk, but I am also a grown man and do not think I have to tell my mommy every detail of my life. Am I wrong here? --- MY OWN BUSINESS

DEAR MY OWN BUSINESS: Yes, as an adult you’re entitled, and expected, to run your own life. But you also have to keep in mind that some aspects of your life spill over into other people’s as well. Not only was it awkward for your mom, but I’m betting it was no picnic for your ex-girlfriend either.

By keeping the breakup from your parents, you really accomplished nothing, because if your concern was upsetting your mom with unwelcome news, not only did she still hear it, but had the extra bonus of being put on the spot in a mutually unpleasant situation with your ex.

The takeaway here is that it’s generally better to break difficult news personally, and in a timely fashion.

DEAR READERS: Many of us have close connections to people who’ve been in the military.

With over 18 million veterans in the U.S., it’s more than fitting that we have a national holiday celebrating their service. It’s also an opportunity to acknowledge and express gratitude to the loved ones who’ve likewise served in countless, if less high-profile ways.

If you’ve served in uniform and/or from the home front, I sincerely thank you, and ask you to share a few words of your experiences with your fellow readers on this Veterans Day.

Just as importantly, if you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD or other residual mental or physical issues connected to military service, please reach out to someone who can help you, or who can work alongside you to find the help you need. There’s no shame in seeking the support that can enable you to heal and move forward.

Thank you again to all who served.