Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My dad has always been afraid of going to the dentist. He had a really bad experience when he was a kid and the dentist drilled around a deep cavity before fully numbing the area. It didn’t help that his father was a “tough guy” who made my dad feel weak for complaining, even about something like feeling pain in a dentist’s chair.

He has been experiencing some pain in his mouth near one of his molars. Neither he nor my mother can remember the last time he went for even a routine cleaning, and now she and I are worried he could be developing a serious problem in his tooth or gum. I’ve talked to him about sedation dentistry, which several of my friends use, and even found three practices in his town that take his insurance, but that hasn’t been enough to get him to make an appointment.

What else can my mom and I do to convince my stubborn dad that his health is at stake if he does nothing about his pain until it becomes a crisis? --- DAD HATES DENTISTS

DEAR DAD HATES DENTISTS: Your dad is far from alone in his fear of dental work, and his early unfortunate experience makes his reluctance even more understandable.

I agree that in your dad’s case, sedation dentistry may be a wise solution. Perhaps one of your friends who has gone that route would agree to share their experiences with him. It might also help if he’s able to arrange a consultation with one of the dentists you located who practices sedation dentistry. Having the chance to discuss his feelings and ask specific questions of an established dental professional could be the key to easing his anxiety and getting him in for appropriate treatment before, as you fear, what starts as a relatively small problem becomes a complicated one.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: It’s been nearly three months since we moved into our new house. My older son, who is seven, has adjusted perfectly, but my nearly three-year-old still keeps asking when we are going to go to “his home.” Sometimes he gets agitated and starts to cry about wanting to be in “his home.”

I’m happy that my older son has school to keep him busy and gives him a chance to make new friends, but I feel bad for the little guy, who just does not get what has happened. Sometimes it breaks my heart and I wonder if we should have stayed in the old place awhile longer, but we got a good deal on both the sale of our old house and the purchase of our new one, and it makes for an easier commute for both my husband and my stepdaughter.

What can I do to make our son happier in his new home? --- MOVING BLUES

DEAR MOVING BLUES: Moving is often hard for young children, who have a limited experience with the concept of “home.” Heck, moving is hard at any age. At least as adults, we can balance missing the old with the novelty and rewards of getting to know an unfamiliar area.

It’s going to take some time for your little one to feel at home in your new house and neighborhood. Perhaps doing a little exploring with your two-year-old co-pilot will help him get excited about what’s available in his current environs. He may be fascinated by such simple adventures as a visit to a local pet store or even the closest supermarket. Libraries near you are possibly hosting story times or other young children’s programming that he could enjoy. And there’s always that most basic, yet useful location for both parents and children to meet people and maybe make a friend or two — the neighborhood park or playground.

Once your son has a chance to find a life of his own in your area, hopefully things will fall into place, and he’ll be happier and less stressed — and so will you.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I just visited my daughter and her family for the first time since the beginning of last year. She was still on maternity leave at that point, and has since returned to fulltime work at her job with a 45-minute commute each way.

While she prides herself on being a proficient multitasker, I can’t agree. So many things seemed to fall through the cracks, and at the end of the day, she was obviously more frustrated than fulfilled.

Even though I was able to take some of the strain off her by doing simple things like cooking dinner, running the baby and her four-year-old brother to daycare, and covering bath time in the evenings, I saw that my daughter, while grateful, still seemed exhausted and edgy by the end of the day.

Fortunately, her husband is very helpful, but his work requires him to be away from home for at least one week out of the month, and I know that throws my daughter off, as I saw since I was there during parts of both an at-home and an away week.

My daughter is such a good and loving parent, it bothers me that she is stretched so thin, she barely has time to enjoy her family, mostly because she’s trying to do so many things at once. I have no idea if this is affecting her work life, but it certainly is taking away from her homelife.

I have offered to visit more often once I retire at the end of the year, but I don’t know if that’s enough. How else do I get my daughter to slow down and take time to enjoy what is most precious in her life? --- MY DAUGHTER’S WEARING THIN

DEAR MY DAUGHTER’S WEARING THIN: It sounds like your daughter is in the same boat as many young moms and dads. It often just comes with the territory, but I can understand how it’s difficult for you to see as a parent and grandparent.

Perhaps at this point the best thing to do — provided it’s a welcome situation to your daughter and son-in-law — is to make good on your offer to visit more often when your schedule permits. Just knowing that the calvary’s going to arrive periodically could take some of the pressure and stress off the adults, and give you more enjoyable time with both your grandchildren and their busy parents.

To make the most of your visits, it may be good to speak with your daughter in advance to see if there’s anything in particular she wants to schedule while you’re around. Having Grandma coverage might make catching up on life outside work and home a touch easier.