Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: About six years ago a new family moved in next door, and every year their New Year’s Eve party has grown and grown. Last year they started shooting off fireworks at midnight, and kept the loud music going until nearly 4 a.m.

I like to think I am a tolerant neighbor, but last year was too much for both me and my high-strung terriers, who were terrified by the fireworks and trembled under my bed for hours after the show was over.

They are generally good neighbors, and always ask me over for their big parties, along with most of the rest of our street. Except for a couple of barbecues, I usually take a polite pass. It’s largely a much younger crowd, and there is a lot of drinking, which sadly, I can no longer do, so even when I go, I do not stay long.

Right now I am debating trying to get a hotel room for my dogs and myself on the 31st, but that can be expensive because of the pet fees, and we only have one decent hotel within a 20-mile drive anyway. What other options do I have? Don’t say stay with friends or family. I already checked around, and that is not an option this year. --- THE QUIET NEIGHBOR

DEAR THE QUIET NEIGHBOR: You could ask your neighbors if they’re planning on fireworks again this year. That way you’d at least know whether you’re worrying for a good reason.

Unless you’re willing to make waves with your neighbors, which it doesn’t sound like you want to do, and if giving yourself the night off in a hotel isn’t the best option, something you might want to investigate is if there are any Airbnb, Vrbo, or other short-term non-hotel rentals available in your area. They may have more flexible pet-stay options and pricing than the big brand name hospitality sites. The downside is that there’s no guarantee that there won’t be noisy neighborhood festivities anywhere else you go to escape your own block.

Something else that might help, wherever you end up on New Year’s Eve, is to check with your dog’s vet to see if they have any suggestions for ways to help your anxious pets through this and other overly loud or stressful situations.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I honestly cannot remember a time when my mother did not cover the living room furniture. When I was really little, she used old sheets, and as we got older, she started buying those fitted coverings, which may look better, but are still obviously coverings. It isn’t like she and my dad buy cheap furniture, but it makes it look like it is.

My parents are comfortable financially, still both working, and able to have a home that looks like it belongs to people who have worked hard to make a comfortable life for themselves. Why on earth does my mother insist on keeping the living room looking like a low rent apartment house? I’ve asked her and she just shrugs. The weird thing is that she does not cover the furniture in the family room, where both my teenage brother, his friends, and my oldest sister with two preschoolers hang out. You would think that would be where the covers should go. --- WHY THE LIVING ROOM COVERS?

DEAR WHY THE LIVING ROOM COVERS?: Growing up in a house where the living room was the center of our home and in constant use, I remember thinking it strange when I visited friends’ houses where the kids were forbidden from entering the formal living room. Once I became a parent, though, I began to understand the concept of an adults-only haven, where nice things could be kept nice.

It’s possible your mom feels the need to have such a sanctuary, especially if there are teenagers and very young children still in the picture. Nothing you mentioned leads me to believe no one is allowed to use the living room, just that your mother wants to keep her higher-end furniture in good condition. I can’t fault her for that, and perhaps you shouldn’t either.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandpa is one of the greatest guys I’ll ever know. He made it through WWII and has gotten to hold five great-grandbabies.

He’s had some bad falls over the last year, and had to move into a nursing home. My dad told me and my sisters that the doctors say he is in decline and that he may only have a few more months, maybe a year.

Knowing that our grandfather will not be around for long has been rough on us all. Our family is very close. Since we were all old enough to be working regular jobs and able to afford it, all us grandkids have chipped in together to get our grandfather something special for Christmas, like a couple of nice vacations when he was better able to get around, things for his house that he really needed, and taking turns doing his yardwork and heavy housecleaning throughout the year. That kind of stuff.

This year we really, really want to do something extra-special for him, but can’t figure out what that might be now that he is in the nursing home. Any suggestions are welcome. --- WANT TO MAKE IT SPECIAL

DEAR WANT TO MAKE IT SPECIAL: It sounds like you’re part of a loving, caring family. Hopefully, your grandfather can appreciate and take satisfaction in the knowledge that he’s helped give roots to your fine family tree.

Something that’s likely to give joy, or at least comfort, to his final days is the chance to see his loved ones as often as you are able to visit him. Given the ongoing pandemic conditions, there will probably continue to be times that you’re limited in how you can be with your grandfather. But even if you aren’t always able to visit him in person, there ought to be the option to arrange video chats to help you stay in touch and reinforce how loved and valued he is.

If you don’t already, during your talks with him you should make a habit of asking for anything he especially needs or wants. Dietary restrictions permitting, there might be some favorite food treats he’s been missing. There could also be a few things on his bucket list that it may be in your power to grant, even if only in a modified way.

Photo albums/books, frequent phone calls, and mailed cards or letters are also ways to help him feel less separated from his family.