Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My dad and mom are very old school. When my three sisters and I were teenagers, our family dentist recommended we all get braces, because of how crowded our mouths were. My three sisters all got them, no questions asked. But my parents told me it was more important for girls to look good, and that they were not going to pay for braces for a boy.

I am now in my early 30s, and a large part of my job requires public speaking. I am and have always been self-conscious about my teeth, which are just as crowded now as they were when I was 15.

It may seem petty, but to this day I resent that my parents wouldn’t pay for braces for me, and now I’m shelling out thousands of dollars to take care of it on my own.

Do you think this was a right way for me to be treated? --- JUST NOW GETTING A BETTER SMILE

DEAR JUST NOW GETTING A BETTER SMILE: Parents often have to make choices that seem unfair both when they happen and in retrospect. For your family, it might have been a case of what your mom and dad could afford to do at the time. They decided to give your sisters priority in this instance, but you may have been given other advantages that they weren’t, and for which they also now harbor resentment. Overall, I believe it’s human nature for us to be more inclined to perceive slights than recognize preferential treatment.

At this point, I think you should give your parents a break, even if their earlier decision is costing you money now. Your current circumstances may be entirely different than those they were living with back when they were supporting a family of six.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: About six years ago a new family moved in next door, and every year their New Year’s Eve party has grown and grown. Last year they started shooting off fireworks at midnight, and kept the loud music going until nearly 4 a.m.

I like to think I am a tolerant neighbor, but last year was too much for both me and my high-strung terriers, who were terrified by the fireworks and trembled under my bed for hours after the show was over.

They are generally good neighbors, and always ask me over for their big parties, along with most of the rest of our street. Except for a couple of barbecues, I usually take a polite pass. It’s largely a much younger crowd, and there is a lot of drinking, which sadly, I can no longer do, so even when I go, I do not stay long.

Right now I am debating trying to get a hotel room for my dogs and myself on the 31st, but that can be expensive because of the pet fees, and we only have one decent hotel within a 20-mile drive anyway. What other options do I have? Don’t say stay with friends or family. I already checked around, and that is not an option this year. --- THE QUIET NEIGHBOR

DEAR THE QUIET NEIGHBOR: You could ask your neighbors if they’re planning on fireworks again this year. That way you’d at least know whether you’re worrying for a good reason.

Unless you’re willing to make waves with your neighbors, which it doesn’t sound like you want to do, and if giving yourself the night off in a hotel isn’t the best option, something you might want to investigate is if there are any Airbnb, Vrbo, or other short-term non-hotel rentals available in your area. They may have more flexible pet-stay options and pricing than the big brand name hospitality sites. The downside is that there’s no guarantee that there won’t be noisy neighborhood festivities anywhere else you go to escape your own block.

Something else that might help, wherever you end up on New Year’s Eve, is to check with your dog’s vet to see if they have any suggestions for ways to help your anxious pets through this and other overly loud or stressful situations.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I honestly cannot remember a time when my mother did not cover the living room furniture. When I was really little, she used old sheets, and as we got older, she started buying those fitted coverings, which may look better, but are still obviously coverings. It isn’t like she and my dad buy cheap furniture, but it makes it look like it is.

My parents are comfortable financially, still both working, and able to have a home that looks like it belongs to people who have worked hard to make a comfortable life for themselves. Why on earth does my mother insist on keeping the living room looking like a low rent apartment house? I’ve asked her and she just shrugs. The weird thing is that she does not cover the furniture in the family room, where both my teenage brother, his friends, and my oldest sister with two preschoolers hang out. You would think that would be where the covers should go. --- WHY THE LIVING ROOM COVERS?

DEAR WHY THE LIVING ROOM COVERS?: Growing up in a house where the living room was the center of our home and in constant use, I remember thinking it strange when I visited friends’ houses where the kids were forbidden from entering the formal living room. Once I became a parent, though, I began to understand the concept of an adults-only haven, where nice things could be kept nice.

It’s possible your mom feels the need to have such a sanctuary, especially if there are teenagers and very young children still in the picture. Nothing you mentioned leads me to believe no one is allowed to use the living room, just that your mother wants to keep her higher-end furniture in good condition. I can’t fault her for that, and perhaps you shouldn’t either.