Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I heard from my mother that her older brother won’t be joining in any family holiday gatherings again this year, because, she said, he is still worried about COVID. She told me he has gone back to his office to work three days a week, and got back to playing golf this summer, but still won’t go anywhere else where there will be a lot of people.

I think this is more than COVID fears and told my mother so. I said I would drive to his apartment and pick him up myself for the holidays, if I have to, but I think it is important he starts getting back out in the world again.

My mom says I should leave him be. Don’t you think that is only going to encourage him to continue in social isolation, and get even worse? I have to admit, he has never been the “life of the party” type, but at least he wasn’t on his own so much and was always at all the holiday family gatherings. --- WORRIED ABOUT MY UNCLE

DEAR WORRIED ABOUT MY UNCLE: Your uncle is far from alone in his reluctance to return to pre-COVID practices.

What might help is if you try to reach out to him yourself, but not with the threat of dragging him out of his home to attend a big family gathering. You could offer to visit him at his place, or have him over to yours, just the two of you, if he would entertain those possibilities.

Perhaps if he can start getting out again socially in little ways, he’ll begin to be more relaxed being around larger groups of people. A gentler, more gradual reintroduction would probably have a better chance of succeeding than your proposal to abruptly force him from his comfort zone.

DEAR READERS: Up until they both passed away, each November 11th I’d make a point wishing a Happy Veterans Day to my father, who served in WWII, and my father-in-law, who was in the Korean War.

My favorite uncle was a disabled WII vet, who up until his death, decades after being medically discharged, remained dedicated to doing his part by being a regular and valued volunteer at the local VA hospital.

These men had a sense of humble satisfaction in having done their part, and I continue to be proud of them and those in their and following generations who willingly or not, answered the call to duty.

I’m deeply grateful to the men and women who have served in our armed forces, for a short or long while, in times of war, and in times of peace. I honor them and their loved ones for their service and sacrifices.

To all who served, Happy Veterans Day, and Thank You.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: This is the first year both my husband’s and my grandparents are unable to hold Thanksgiving in their homes. So we decided to take over on the tradition and ask members from both our families to come to our house for the Thanksgiving feast.

I love to cook and especially to bake, and my husband is the best sous chef in the world. We have offered to provide the turkey, ham, one side dish, and one dessert. We expect nearly 30 people, so we have asked everyone invited to bring one side dish or dessert to share. All good so far.

Then, last week all the special requests started coming in. We have one cousin who has a nut allergy, one with gluten allergies, three diabetics, two vegans, three vegetarians, and at least one keto dieter.

I want to make sure everyone has something to eat and enjoy. I figured that would be covered by asking everyone to bring something that they can eat. My fear is that we will have a lopsided variety of specialized dishes that only the people who bring them can or will eat.

Were my husband and I wrong to not set a menu and assign specific dishes? It just feels like it would have been a lot easier and less stressful for everyone. --- WANT TO FEED EVERYONE

DEAR WANT TO FEED EVERYONE: Frankly, it sounds like you should be covered by letting people bring something that works for them. What may help is if you circulate a group list of what everyone has said they’re bringing, with an eye to hopefully avoiding too much duplication and ensure a wider selection for the most specific diets.

I give you and your husband credit for stepping up and offering to continue a tradition. But be warned, you’ve most likely opened yourselves up to a lesson in not pleasing all of the people much of the time!