Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR READERS: It’s become clear to me over the years I’ve been doing this column that a large number of my readers and regular commenters are part of a community all their own. Whether you agree or disagree with my advice, I see there are often lively (and generally cordial) reactions to my and each other’s posts, which signals to me not only that many of you have some very strong opinions, but that you’re also willing and glad to share something of what you’ve learned in your travels through life.

On this day of giving thanks, I send some your way — for reading, sharing, pointing out my errors, and challenging my opinions when they clash with yours.

I sincerely hope you get to enjoy some of the best things of this and all the upcoming holidays.

Be safe and well, and Happy Thanksgiving.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I honestly don’t know if he does it just to bug me, or if he has a problem, but my husband loves, and I mean loves, to tell me about his daily poo successes. I tell him I am not at all interested, but that doesn’t seem to stop him.

I asked his mother about this, and she just laughed and said this is what he has done since he was a little boy and he would do it to get under her skin. She said the best thing to do is just ignore it, and he’ll stop. But I do, and he doesn’t.

What do I have to do to convince my husband I’m really not interested in his daily bowel functions? --- DON’T NEED OR WANT TO KNOW

DEAR DON’T NEED OR WANT TO KNOW: There most certainly are people who are more than casually invested in their bowel habits, for a number of reasons, some of which are healthier than others. In your husband’s case, it’s possible, as his mother suggests, that he’s just trying to get a rise out of you with his oversharing.

If ignoring his updates isn’t doing the trick, then maybe it’s time to have a more serious conversation with him about whether or not he needs to seek medical advice regarding either the nature of his bowel habits, or his apparent fascination with them. If he’s just trying to get a reaction out of you, the suggestion he has a real issue might shut him down. If he truly does have an abnormal obsession going on, then perhaps seeking professional help would be worth pursuing.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: After I received the save-the-date card from my niece for her wedding, I immediately called my sister, her mom, and asked if this was for real. My sister confirmed that the couple was absolutely serious about their Star Wars wedding. She didn’t sound thrilled about it, but said this is what her daughter wanted, as does the groom. They both are big-time into Star Wars, and their biggest argument about the wedding so far has been which of the trilogies they want to represent at the wedding.

I can’t believe that two level-headed young adults (at least I thought they were) would do something like this. My sister told me the couple even wants the parents and the officiant in full costume, and the bride even found a hairdresser who specializes in the “Star Wars look.” She also told me that the invitations will read, “Dress Code: Star Wars preferred, but not required.” And that’s a good thing, because no way am I going to try and look like Princess Leia from ANY of the movies.

I know this is what the couple wants, but doesn’t it seem a bit extreme, not to mention something to put pressure and extra expense on the guests? My husband and I have absolutely no intention of getting dressed up like some movie character. --- NOT DOING IT

DEAR NOT DOING IT: I believe that a couple’s entitled to make their day their way, with the understanding it might not work for everyone. But I also get your argument that guests shouldn’t have to face a lot of pressure or expense if they accept an invitation to attend the wedding. As odd as it may seem to you, though, compared to some weddings I’ve heard about, your niece’s is not nearly as big an ask as the couples who opt for exotic destination or holiday weddings, for instance.

Your niece and future nephew-in-law are ultimately leaving it to their guests whether they choose to come in costume or not. This suggests to me that the bride and groom don’t intend to impose their fandom on everyone taking part in their festivities. Rather, they’re simply following their own dream.