Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son is just turning six, and from things I have heard him saying to his mother and his friends, he has this idea that I am some kind of magical man, who can do everything and anything, and that just is not the truth. I have failed at some things, like anyone else.

One of my biggest problems is that I have a job that sometimes causes me to be late for or miss out on things, not because I want to be, but because I have to work. My son is still too little to be involved in a lot of after-school things, but he has already had a couple of school presentations that I missed, and I feel bad about having missed them.

Right now he still thinks I am like a superhero, but I am afraid he is going to find out the truth, that I am only human and have to put my work ahead of my family sometimes.

How do I get him and me both ready for when he finds out I am far from a superhero? --- NOT A SUPERHERO

DEAR NOT A SUPERHERO: No, you’re not a superhero, but you are a VIP in your son’s mind and world, and that may never change, even when he gets to the stage of realizing nobody, not even the adults most central to his life, is perfect.

You, at least, are trying to be there for him as much as you’re able, and it sounds like you only miss special events through circumstances beyond your control.

By doing your best and letting your son know that’s all anyone can reasonably be expected to do, you’ll give him a realistic and achievable example of what it means to be an adult and a parent.

Chances are you’ll slip once in awhile both in your son’s eyes, and in your own. That’s when it wouldn’t hurt to explain to him making mistakes is all part of being human — at any age — and it’s what you do to make the situation better that often counts more than the mistakes.

To all my readers and their loved ones, I send best wishes for happy holidays, and all good things in the New Year!

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my grandparents were still alive, we all got together to have a real New Year’s Day feast with black-eyed peas, cornbread, pork, and greens, like only my grandmother could make.

This year my cousin is hosting New Year’s Day at her house and she is going to have it catered from some Gucci catering place that does everything, including the setting up and clearing away. Those things used to be part of the fun, with everyone pitching in to make it all special.

I know my cousin works hard, and both she and her husband are well-off. But all that is nothing to me compared to having a true and traditional family celebration.

I am half of a mind not to go, but my husband says just let it be and be glad the family is still getting together like we did when everything happened at my grandparents’ house.

Is there anything wrong with wanting things done the way they always were, just one day out of the whole year? --- WANT MY TRADITIONS

DEAR WANT MY TRADITIONS: Closely observing some traditions can be useful in helping organize and direct hectic or even overwhelming days and events. There’s likewise an element of comfort in continuing certain practices at certain points of the year.

That said, I believe that traditions have to be at least a little flexible to survive the changes that naturally happen. In the case of your family’s upcoming holiday get-together, your cousin has chosen to do what works best for her.

Perhaps one way to preserve the traditions you love is by offering to host the family New Year’s Day gathering next time around. If you do have the opportunity to have the event at your home, you could divvy up the menu among the guests, thereby not only taking some of the burden off yourself and your husband, but also giving others a chance to keep treasured traditions alive for themselves and future generations.