Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I would prefer not to categorize children as scammers, but we have three young brothers in my neighborhood who started their own little business around this time last year, which I thought was no bad thing at the time.

When I was away from home for a long weekend last autumn, I returned to a mostly raked front lawn (I have two mature red oaks in front and three in back).

I likewise returned home to a invoice slipped into my mail slot from the boys down the street who decided to take it upon themselves to do the raking and bagging of the leaves, and then bill me for their time and supplies (garden waste bags). At least they didn’t charge me — directly — for their rakes and leaf blower.

I didn’t see this so much as an act of entrepreneurship as one of extortion. The invoice was very professional-looking, and even had “Thank you for your business!” printed at the bottom. It was “payable upon receipt.”

Needless to say, I was neither happy nor impressed. After I unpacked the car, I rapped on the neighbor’s door and was greeted by a the pleasant, smiling mother of the “businessmen.”

She asked if everything was alright, and when I told her no, it certainly was not alright, and that I was far from pleased her children had invoiced me for a service for which I never asked.

She said she was surprised that was the case, as her boys had told her they had spoken to me and everything had been arranged.

I don’t know to this day if I believe she had no knowledge of what her sons tried to pull off, but I told her this would not fly, and that I would appreciate it if she let her sons know this, and that I did not intend to pay for their services.

When I got back to my house, I started feeling a little bad about being so stern, and ended up paying the amount asked for, which was in fact reasonable for what they had accomplished, which was a rather good job overall.

I am now preparing to take another long weekend trip, and the leaves have been coming down.

Does it not seem reasonable for me to speak up to my neighbors to renew my request to not be charged for services rendered, but not authorized? --- THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

DEAR THANKS, BUT NO THANKS: You were generous to pay your neighbors last year, but unless you want to encourage a repeat of the situation, it does seem to me it would be best for you to reach out to the ambitious neighbors and politely, but firmly, tell both the boys and their mother that should you want their services now or in the future, you’ll let them know.

There’s no point burning a bridge by being overly harsh when you speak to them.

You admit the boys did a good job, and there might be some yardwork you’d be glad to have taken off your hands sometime down the road.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: In June my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, which her mother and two aunts also had. I couldn’t live with the uncertainty about whether or not I had the genetic mutation associated with the hereditary form of the disease.

I had myself tested and the test showed I don’t have the mutation, and when I shared this good news with my mother she told me that’s most likely because I was adopted.

That is how at the age of 26 I found out the people who raised me are not my birth parents. I never, ever thought I wasn’t their own child. I am built like my mother and have my father’s coloring, and a lot of his personality.

I was beyond shocked to find this out. My mother told me if it hadn’t been for her diagnosis and my worries about developing breast cancer myself one day, she may have never let me know I was adopted. This news left me confused and hurt in addition to shocked.

We live in a state where adoption records remain sealed, but I have started investigating mutual consent registries in case I decide to try and search for my birth mother, but I don’t know what to do. I love my parents with all my heart, and I know they deeply love me, and while I think I would have liked to know the truth before now, and I have a lot to figure out, I’m not sure how I feel about hunting for a woman who has had no part in my life since the very start of it. I definitely would like to know something of my biological background.

With everything going on with my mom, I don’t feel any big rush to launch a full-out search right now. It feels disloyal to the only people I have known as my parents.

I want to include my mother and father in my decision, but do you think that’s putting too much on them, especially now? --- LOVE MY MOM AND DAD

DEAR LOVE MY MOM AND DAD: It sounds like you have a strong and loving relationship with your parents, and that’s a wonderful thing.

I can also understand, though, how and why you’re curious about your genetic make-up, and getting information on your birth mother might possibly give you some answers to your questions.

However, since you say you’re not feeling in any kind of rush, and you’re more interested in helping your mother and father through your mom’s health crisis, then I believe making the support of them your priority is what will give you and your family the most peace of mind at a time when you could truly use it.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am at a loss as to what to get for my cousin at her upcoming bridal shower.

The “bride and groom” did a COVID courthouse wedding three years ago, and now they are having their full walk-down-the-aisle event, but they already have a house, have been on a honeymoon, and I can’t think of what to give them.

What is an appropriate gift for the already married couple? --- STUMPED

DEAR STUMPED: Personally, I would get her a gift card or two for stores, services, or restaurants you know she enjoys.

I’m guessing you’re going to have this same quandary when it comes time for a wedding gift, and my advice would be nearly the same; only on that occasion I’d opt for either cash or gift cards again, tailoring them to something they can both get some use or enjoyment out of.