Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR READERS: It’s nothing I haven’t said before, and I can think of no more fitting day to repeat my thanks and good wishes to those who write to me, read these columns, and share their ideas, opinions, and experiences with me and their fellow readers.

May you and those you love enjoy health, peace, and joy now and in the New Year.

And if times are hard for you or someone you love, I sincerely hope things will improve. Please remember that even in this season that stresses a heightened sense of happiness, it’s more than okay to allow yourself to feel what it’s only natural to feel when life is painful and challenging.

Be safe and well, and if you find yourself blessed, share those blessings. That’s how we sometimes get to see them grow.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend doesn’t always get why I like to have certain things on hand, like all kinds of batteries, paint for touch-ups, odds and ends of lumber and plumbing accessories, some really good quality hand and power tools, and the such like. I got a lot of it from my father when he and my mother downsized to an apartment.

A lot of the stuff I now have in our garage came from his father’s basement workshop and it’s all in good condition, or I wouldn’t have taken over on it. Having what I might could use comes in handy when there’s a repair to be made on our place or a friend’s or my girlfriend’s own mom’s. So she knows it is more than just a lot of junk.

Most of what I’ve had cause to fix is still in use, so that’s saying something about how being what she calls a packrat can come in handy.

She told me she wants to start using some of the garage for some furniture she’s getting from her great-aunt’s estate. The house we’re renting is too small for it, but we are planning to get something bigger and of our own before we get engaged next year.

She told me I have to get rid of some of what she calls my “junk,” but I most decidedly do not think it’s junk, and neither does she when I fix something at our or her mom’s house.

Do you think she should be able to make me dump my stuff just so we can make room for what we can’t use right now any more than I can use some of what I have laid by? --- MY STUFF’S USEFUL

DEAR MY STUFF’S USEFUL: Like you, I fully understand the value of having items in reserve for when they’ll be needed.

However, I’m betting that your girlfriend sees her great-aunt’s furniture in precisely the same light as you see your own stockpile.

I believe the two of you need to find ways to compromise on how you use your limited garage storage space. It may take some finessing and strategizing, but I’ve found you can often fit more into a space than you think if you do it carefully and creatively.

Since you’re looking at the possibility of moving to a larger home next year, it mightn’t be a bad idea to check out local storage rentals. Even a small unit could make a difference in the amount of space you need in your garage between what you and your girlfriend want to hold onto for now.

These are suggestions for a temporary fix. If you two are planning on making a life together, like most successful couples you’ll soon learn compromise is key. The way you work together to solve issues like the one you and your girlfriend are facing right now may possibly set the course for your future as a couple.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Even though she was putting a brave face on, I could hear the fear in my granddaughter’s voice when she called to tell me she had just been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Fortunately it was caught early enough to save her life, but it still means a double mastectomy and further treatments to make sure they get everything and to try and keep it from returning.

When I heard all this I was shocked. I am so grateful my granddaughter did not go with what her primary care doctor said about the tiny lump she felt and just waited to see what it would do. She is only 28 and her doctor told her she doubted it was anything to worry about. Still, my granddaughter insisted on getting a mammogram, which led to a biopsy, and then right away to a specialist.

I am angry this happened to our beautiful granddaughter, and I am furious at her primary care doctor who tried to tell her this was nothing to worry about when she examined our granddaughter in the first place. If our granddaughter had listened only to the doctor and not her gut, we might very well have lost her.

How can a medical professional be so blind as to jeopardize the life of a patient like this just because she decided our granddaughter was too young to have breast cancer? --- AT A LOSS TO UNDERSTAND

DEAR AT A LOSS TO UNDERSTAND: I agree it’s a good thing your granddaughter advocated for herself and was able to get the imaging and treatment she needed in time to prevent the cancer from advancing. She’s set a strong example by trusting her own instincts and working with her doctors to find first a diagnosis and then a course of treatment.

I can’t answer for your granddaughter’s primary care provider, but she was potentially following established guidelines, which include not routinely ordering mammograms for women under 40.

However, given the growing number of cases being diagnosed in younger women, including among those without generally recognized risk factors, it’s possible breast cancer screening guidelines will continue to evolve, as is evidenced by the recent drop in age from 50 to 40 for annual screenings.