Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: During the time I was with my ex-fiancé I grew extremely close to his family and friends. We also made a lot of friends together during our time as a couple.

I broke off the engagement when I found out “R” had a thing with a co-worker right before we got engaged, but after we had long been in what I thought was a committed relationship. When I found out, he swore it was over and that he would never, ever do something like that again.

I just felt and still do feel like I cannot trust him. His betrayal broke my heart.

I had already been invited to the wedding of a couple both R and I are close to. The invitation wasn’t as a plus one, but was addressed directly to me. I got it and sent in my RSVP before I called off my engagement. But I have been discovering now that we are broken up, people are siding with R, and the maid of honor (also somebody I thought was my friend too) texted me it would be for the best if I didn’t show up at the wedding, and said the groom felt the same way, after how I treated R!

I don’t know what story they heard, but R’s the one who cheated on me!

I knew things would change after we broke up, but it hurts that R’s turning people against me even to the extent of getting me uninvited to a wedding.

I have no intention of going to the wedding, especially now, but do you think it’s right for people to uninvite somebody to a wedding like this? --- A GUEST NO MORE

DEAR A GUEST NO MORE: While it isn’t the most polite or proper thing to do, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard about someone being informally uninvited to a formal event.

A lot of things change when a relationship ends, as you’re well aware. You’re clearly experiencing one of the most painful developments, the splitting into camps among friends.

I find it interesting that it was the maid of honor who was either chosen or took it upon herself to break the news that you’re better off skipping the wedding.

Her comments regarding how the groom’s feeling make it clear which side of the story is being shared and believed by at least some of your old circle. That makes me agree with your wise choice to skip the event. This way you can spare yourself from exposure to further insult and injury.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have always been a super homebody. I am married to a woman who is anything but, strange as that sounds. I have a small group of friends, she’s everybody’s friend.

This has long made for many awkward social situations, especially during the holidays when my wife wants to go to every party and I want to go to none.

This year we were invited to a huge New Year’s Eve blast of a party being given by her boss. She really wants to go, and I really want to spend the night with my parents and my favorite aunt and uncle, who I don’t get to see except for when they come in to stay with my parents for the holidays.

I am trying to convince my wife she should go to her party and let me head to my parents’ for the evening. It’s the perfect solution to me, but she says she feels like she’s not even married if I never want to go out with her other than to dinner and gatherings with my friends and family.

Is that fair, or is she being unreasonable — or am I? --- NO NEED TO PARTY BIG

DEAR NO NEED TO PARTY BIG: I, like you, am not a fan of big parties, and prefer quieter times and settings, so I’m with you there.

However, since the particular party you mention is being hosted by her boss, it might be a good idea to at least put in an appearance for your wife’s sake.

After shaking some hands and meeting a few of your wife’s coworkers and their significant others, you could beg off staying too long because of another commitment to visit with out-of-town relatives.

If your wife chooses to stay, then she’ll be able to indulge in her kind of entertainment, and you’re free to do your thing with your family.

It’ll likely mean you and your wife will miss that kiss at midnight, but perhaps the two of you can start a new tradition of welcoming the New Year not at the stroke of 12, but on January 1 instead.

DEAR READERS: It’s nothing I haven’t said before, and I can think of no more fitting day to repeat my thanks and good wishes to those who write to me, read these columns, and share their ideas, opinions, and experiences with me and their fellow readers.

May you and those you love enjoy health, peace, and joy now and in the New Year.

And if times are hard for you or someone you love, I sincerely hope things will improve. Please remember that even in this season that stresses a heightened sense of happiness, it’s more than okay to allow yourself to feel what it’s only natural to feel when life is painful and challenging.

Be safe and well, and if you find yourself blessed, share those blessings. That’s how we sometimes get to see them grow.