DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my daughter was ten, she was hit in the face by a soccer ball. The injury caused a deviated septum, and ever since she has had headaches, sinus infections, and nosebleeds.
She is 18 and a senior in high school. She has been saying how she wants to have not only the septum fixed, but she wants to get rid of the nose she inherited from her father’s side of the family. She has been self-conscious of it since it started growing to be the shape it is.
Her ENT told us she is now a good age for a septoplasty to take care of the deviation, which she said should resolve the sinus problems.
Now our daughter has started trying to persuade me and her father she should also get rhinoplasty to make her nose less noticeable at the same time.
The surgery is a septorhinoplasty. Her ENT doesn’t perform it, but she referred us to a specialist who does.
My ex-husband is all for her getting the surgery. The part to correct the deviated septum is covered by our medical insurance, the nose job part is not.
My ex-mother and father-in-law have offered to help cover the $9,000 for the cosmetic surgery, which sounds generous, but it would come out of the savings account they started for my daughter when she was born, which my daughter says she is fine with.
Her father is all for getting everything done and everyone (me, him, his parents) pooling our money to cover the costs not covered by insurance.
This is a no go for me for so many reasons.
I know she will benefit from the correction of the deviated septum and she can stop having to deal with the nosebleeds and other sinus problems, but I am not onboard with the nose job. It’s what God gave her, and she is beautiful to me just as she is. Also, with starting college this year, the savings from her grandparents would come in real handy.
Do you think it is worth the extra expense to fix something I don’t believe should be fixed? Not everyone needs a Barbie nose, which I think would look ridiculous on my daughter. --- HER NOSE IS FINE
DEAR HER NOSE IS FINE: Self-image is a big part of who we are and who we become throughout our lives.
Unless you’re able to convince your daughter that she is as beautiful as you see her to be, I’m guessing her dissatisfaction with her appearance will persist.
I can’t answer whether or not the extra expense of the rhinoplasty is worth it. It clearly isn’t to you, but is to your daughter and her other family members.
It seems to me it’s time to have a very clear and balanced conversation with your daughter, her father, and his parents to hash out everyone’s outlook on the issues involved — and there are several in this case.
No minds may be changed, but at least by giving everyone a chance to have their say, all the stakeholders might potentially be made more aware of a larger variety of perspectives before any final decisions are made.