Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have lived in several multiple roommate homes. I’m a musician and as a rule I prefer to live with other musicians.

I just moved into a new place with a couple and the wife’s younger sister, all musicians. It’s a cool older home with one of those built-in coat racks right by the front door. We all put our coats or jackets there so they’re easy to grab on the way out of the house.

There’s a skanky old raincoat I was told belonged to the sisters’ grandfather. He was a commercial fisherman. We live in the house he lived in until the day he died, which was right here in the house.

The three of them take turns wearing the raincoat to auditions and gigs. They say it’s a good luck tradition. They also say I ought to wear it every time I go out for an audition.

I think it’s a cute tradition for them, but no way am I going to put that smelly thing on over anything I wear.

I think it’s sweet they want to share their lucky coat with me, but how do I tell them I’m taking a hard pass on their offer now and for as long as I live with them? --- NO THANKS

DEAR NO THANKS: To avoid seeming ungracious, I’d thank your roommates for their generous offer to share their lucky charm, and then tell them that you have your own rituals that you like to follow.

No need to mention what they are, or even if you don’t happen to have any. Superstitious people are often inclined to respect the beliefs of others, and that might be enough to get you off the hook with your superstitious housemates.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am curious to know from another mother how she would react to coming home from work or being out to find her teenage son in the backyard on a sunny day laying out in the sun on a chair fully nude ‒ being able to see it all, full view of his penis, pubic hair, etc.

If no one else is home do you ignore it and let him be, or scold him for just being nude? --- MOTHER OF A NUDE SUNBATHER

DEAR MOTHER OF A NUDE SUNBATHER: My first consideration ‒ after any potential legal issues over public nudity ‒ would be whether any neighbors or passersby are able to see into the yard. If so, your son needs to take into account that his nude sunbathing may not be as private a practice as he thinks it is.

The same applies if his being nude in the backyard makes you or anyone else living in your household uncomfortable. He started his session when no one else was home, but that’s not how it ended, and if he’s planning to make this a regular thing, he’d do well to have something at the ready to cover his more personal parts.

For those reasons alone, I don’t believe you should let it go unmentioned.

As to a scolding, I’m not sure if that’s entirely necessary. Given what I know of teenage boys, I’d bet the fact that his mother saw her not so little boy in the buff might just change his mind about getting that allover tan if there’s even a chance of future sunbaths being unexpectedly interrupted.

And PS – remind him to use sunscreen.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: With both sets of grandparents retired and living close by, what on earth could have made our daughter and son-in-law hire an au pair?

Up until they told us that was their decision, we had a perfectly working system covering the days both parents were out of the house.

We are all hurt and baffled. --- HURT BY THE CHANGE

DEAR HURT BY THE CHANGE: To avoid having this development turn into a wrench in your relationship with your daughter and son-in-law, I think it’s worth asking them the question you’ve sent my way.

Their decision may not be any kind of reflection on you and your fellow grandparents. The younger couple has their reasons for what they’ve decided to do, among which could be an assumption this is a good thing for the grandparents, a way to free up your days and enable you to enjoy your retirements more fully. But you won’t know if you don’t politely and calmly ask.