Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and “Davy” have had this on-again-off-again thing going for almost as long as I can remember. Since she and my dad divorced, Davy’s been about the only guy she’s seen more than a few times. He even reminds me a little of my dad, except he isn’t a drinker, just a cheater.

When he cheats on my mother he comes back to her telling her he figures since she won’t marry him, they don’t exactly have an exclusive thing going, and everyone tells my mom she’d be nuts to marry a guy who can’t keep faithful to her. Davy calls it a Catch-22 and he accuses my mom of keeping him in it and stringing HIM along.

Personally, I can’t stand the guy, but for whatever reason my mom seems to love him, at least enough to put up with his cheating. She says he comes back to her when he’s done with the other women, so he must deep down inside have real feelings for her.

I say he’s using her between his other women. I think I’m right and she should dump him, but how do I convince my mom that I am? --- DUMP DAVY

DEAR DUMP DAVY: You mentioned Davy reminds you of your father, which makes me inclined to believe your mother has her type, for better or worse.

If you and the others in your mother’s life have yet to succeed in convincing her Davy’s not the man for her after years of trying, I’m not sure if you’ll ever be able to.

Hopefully she’ll get tired of being Davy’s fallback gal and move on ‒ ideally to a different, better class of man.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend convinced me to sell my old car and buy one I could pay off through carsharing.

At first it was working okay especially since I was working from home three days a week. Now I have to be in the office Monday-Friday and I could really use the car. Without it I have to take the bus, which isn’t that far from our house and my office but it kind of sucks to have to be at the bus stops in cruddy weather.

I keep telling my boyfriend not to book rentals on the car every day during the week, but he said he doesn’t want to lose the income we’re using to pay the car off, and by having it out on rentals during the week we can afford to have it all weekend for our own use.

I get what he’s saying, but I no longer feel like this is necessarily the best way to pay for the car I bought and only have limited use of.

Do you think I’m asking too much? --- WANT MY CAR BACK

DEAR WANT MY CAR BACK: No, I don’t think you’re asking too much.

You mentioned that you bought the car, and if the car is in your name, it seems to me you should be the one determining how it’s used.

The current arrangements are clearly not working for you, and I think your boyfriend needs to not only understand that, but to also respect your preferences regarding your property.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My cousin is getting married in April and I am so worried he is making the biggest mistake of his life. He is an introverted homebody who is very close to his family and who collects vintage Lionel trains and old TV shows from the 1990s.

She is a super extrovert who has cut off most of her family, but has a huge number of friends.

I see how my cousin looks at his fiancée like she is some kind of goddess. I never see her look at him like he is something special to her.

I give their marriage a couple years at the most. If I could, I would persuade my cousin to call the whole thing off, but I guess that would be wrong, wouldn’t it? --- SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER

DEAR SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER: Odd couple though they appear to you, your cousin and his fiancée made the decision to get married. I can’t imagine that was taken lightly and without some serious thought on both sides.

I’ve known many highly successful marriages and long-term relationships between seemingly mismatched individuals. It may be their differences that make for a strong partnership. That may very well prove to be the story with your cousin and his soon-to-be bride.