Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My stepson is ten years older than his dad’s and my son. “Jared” spends every other weekend with us and I really love how much he likes being with “Todd.” Jared, though, has a typical 15-year-old boy’s tastes. His mother lets him watch R-rated movies, and my husband doesn’t mind that she does. He likes to have his Boys’ Nights with his sons, and of course, they aren’t interested in what Todd would find entertaining. Todd ends up sitting up with the guys watching action, war, and horror movies. I leave them to it and go and read, but then I have to be up with Todd half the night because he has nightmares about what he’s seen in the movies. I won’t even get into the video games the guys play, sometimes with Todd in the room.

I love that my husband has this special time with his sons, and I don’t want them to stop, but I also don’t want Todd watching everything his dad and brother are watching.

Do I put a stop to the Boys’ Night movies? --- NOT A FAN OF VIOLENCE

DEAR NOT A FAN OF VIOLENCE: I don’t believe the Boys’ Nights have to end, but it sounds like some supervision is in order.

As Todd’s mother, you have every right to a say in what movies and video games he’s being exposed to.

There’s a world of difference between five and 15, and your husband should have a sense of what’s appropriate for each age group. Since he doesn’t seem to, or is afraid of offending Jared, then it comes down to you to set limits on or provide younger-child-friendly alternatives for Boys’ Nights movies and video games.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband loves shopping for bargains. The trouble is he has a habit of spending too much to save some money. We have stockpiles of stuff in our basement like toothpaste, deodorants, cleaning products, paper towels, pasta, and the list goes on. We end up throwing away some of the food items that go past their use by dates, and that seems wasteful to me.

I know things have gotten crazy expensive and I don’t blame him for trying to save us money when he can, but I feel like we should put some of the money to better use now instead of putting it all in the things we eventually get around to using, preferably before they go bad.

I don’t know how to stop him from all the stocking up, especially since he does most of the shopping on his way home from work. We have definitely had shortages of things the last few years and I know my husband is keeping those times in mind, but do we really need to keep buying the way he does? --- WIFE OF A BARGAIN HUNTER

DEAR WIFE OF A BARGAIN HUNTER: I fully understand the pull of a good bargain. To the frugal-minded they’re hard to resist. Unfortunately, they can also end up not being such great bargains after all.

One recommendation I’d make is to try, if possible, to time the shopping trips around your schedule so that you could join your husband on his excursions.

That way you might be able to rein him in or at least redirect his tendencies to save towards the kinds of things that are less likely to collect dust in your basement along with the other supplies already down there.

Sometimes a little constraint and supervision go a surprisingly long way.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Turtle was my cat before Keaton and I moved in together. I buy all Turtle’s food, treats, and most of her toys, pay all her vet bills, feed her, and clean her litterbox.

Since we moved in with Keaton, though, Turtle basically ignores me whenever Keaton is around. She even sleeps on his feet at night.

I hate feeling jealous of Keaton, but I do. I know it isn’t his fault Turtle loves him.

Do I say something to him, or just zip it and accept I am now in second place in Turtle’s heart? --- USED TO BE HER NUMBER ONE

DEAR USED TO BE HER NUMBER ONE: In my experience the animals in our lives decide for themselves who will be their favorite. They choose us maybe even more than we choose them. Upon occasion, they even lock onto the human in the house who doesn’t particularly like animals.

I’d advise you to just go with Turtle’s flow. As I see it, her taking to Keaton is a much better scenario than her rejecting him and avoiding you both when he’s around.